Newman isn't even 11 yrs old. He's a naturally lean kitty, so when he started losing weight, I was concerned. The vet did bloodwork, everything looked fine, but his teeth were bad. So he had a dental, lost a few teeth, but started eating and gaining weight.

Fast forward a few months, he stopped eating again, dropped an alarming amount of weight. Ultrasound showed a tumor on his spleen, pancreas, and part of his intestine. Inoperable. Vet prescribed steroids to stimulate his appetite, but he hasn't eaten in 3 days. 

I know it's time, but it's like I'm paralyzed into inaction. My heart doesn't want to let him go but my brain tells me it's what I need to do.

This gets so much harder each time. Newman is my funny, sweet, slightly nutty kitty. Never a dull moment kind of cat. It crushes me that his spark and pure joie de vive are being taken from him.
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I am so sorry to hear about sweet Newman and what you are going through. It's so painful to see them lose their spark and it's so hard to make that final, horrible decision. I hope you are able to make him comfortable and have some loving time together.
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Dear Suzanne,

I'm so sorry for what your beloved Newman was diagnosed with and is enduring. And what you are suffering through as a result of being concerned and worried about him. Your great love for your boy is so evident in each of the words you wrote.

My own cat "Marmalade" in the end was also not capable of eating and could not drink either. And I could see he was becoming a shadow of his former self. He was detoriating. I could simply not allow that to happen. Not on my watch. I had to think of his needs first and not my own.

You wrote:

"Ultrasound showed a tumor on his spleen, pancreas, and part of his intestine. Inoperable. Vet prescribed steroids to stimulate his appetite, but he hasn't eaten in 3 days."

There is no way to know if your beloved is experiencing pain or is suffering  internally. There is no way to know. Not only may he be in pain and suffering, he may also be experiencing anquish and anxiety thinking that is how he is going to continue to feel, and that it will never end. And imagine at the same time starving to death and not being able to eat? So sadly with this information you have answered your own question. 

I am so sorry for you to have to make a final decision like what you are facing. There is a saying that has brought many of us comfort here:

"In the end, in order to end their pain and suffering, we agree to take their pain and suffering onto ourselves, and process it through our grief. That is the bargain that we make."

Enjoy this last time together. Tell your boy how grateful you are that your paths crossed when they did, and how much you love, cherish and adore him. And tell him thank you for all the joy, laughter, love, smiles and companionship he provided to you. Remind him of specific memories from your days together. Tell him you are thankful for the time that you were alloted. That right now this is still YOUR time together.

I pray that you have the courage and strength to do what is necassary when the time comes. In my case I chose to let my boy go before I risked him getting worse. I wanted him to go out with some kind of dignity intact. When he still knew how much I loved him. It was peaceful.

Please know that you are not alone. We are with you in comradeship and spirit. Godspeed to the one of a kind "Newman." 

My warmest and kindest regards,

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