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Gucci
Louetta - I'm so sorry you weren't able to confirm for yourself that it was indeed your precious Tomas, rather than having to hear it from someone else. That is yet another version of heartache, and I can understand how distressing that is.

My brother lost his cat several years ago, and despite a long search, we never found dear Toby. The uncertainty, the never knowing for sure, is a terrible stress, and something the mind must come to terms with in some way.

I know it's also so hard to watch Ruby searching for Tomas. We can't know exactly how the companion cats feel, but there's no doubt that they're making the adjustment as well, and we feel for them, too.

Here's a link that you may find helpful for that initial harrowing period of loss:

https://www.refugeingrief.com/2013/11/18/rules-at-impact-how-to-survive-early-grief/
 
Your deep grief can only be respected, as it has no timeline and works its way through us in different ways.

Thinking of you, and wishing you moments of peace and tranquillity.
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Lfc7118
Gucci,
Hope you and Moses are doing well. Even though Tomas stays on my mind all day every day I did manage to make it without crying the past couple of days. I still have to get myself ready for the holidays so I am hoping I can pull myself together and get it done this weekend. I have been trying to make sure Ruby knows just how much I love her by playing with her every time I get the chance. I am hoping as the days go by the pain will get less and less. I still miss him so much. It still doesn't seem real that I will never see his beautiful face again. Thank you again for helping me through this.
Louetta
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Gucci
Hi Louetta - Yes, the holiday season has begun, and along with it, the ever-present awareness that it'll be our first Christmas without our beloved companions.

I always streamline this time of the year anyway, and this Christmas will be all about what I need to do to keep myself grounded­. I spend a lot of time talking to Mo and giving him attention. He has yet to use Sammi's favourite green cat tree since we lost him.

Mo used to use it regularly, although he would cede the spot if Sammi decided he wanted it. It's still painful to see that empty basket and realise I'll never again see him sprawled out there, sound asleep, where I could give him a kiss every time I passed him.

Here are a couple of links you might find helpful (I'll also post in my resource section).

Hope today's a reasonable one for you...warm thoughts your way.


https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/12/14/ways-to-survive-the-holiday-season-when-youre-grieving/


https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/11/16/those-terrible-holidays/

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Lfc7118
Gucci,
I managed to get my Christmas decorations out of the building and into the house. My tree is standing, but not decorated. I definitely need a new tree this one has broken branches and lights that have decided not to work. It kind of looks like I feel broken with part of my spark gone. I keep trying to make it look better so I can put decorations on it, but honestly I'm not sure how to fix it. I have almost thought about just sticking a bow on top and being done with it.
Since Tomas has been gone Ruby continues to hunt for Tomas in all of the spots he used to sleep. I miss being able to go to those spots before bed and kissing him goodnight. Sometimes I feel like she misses him and other times I wonder if she is happy to have her house back since she used to live in here alone before he came into our lives. I guess since I definitely don't speak cat I will never know.
I saw this advertisement on Facebook for a necklace that is a paw print that has a stone on it and in the stone you can have your animals picture put in it. I thought about getting one, but then I wondered to myself if I would ever be able to wear it especially since I still spend most of my days crying at some point during the day when I start to think about my little boy. I still get angry too wanting to know why this had to happened and knowing I will never get an answer. I feel like some days are easier than others, but the pain is still there so deeply I wonder if it will ever ease up.
I hope you and Mo are doing well. Take care of yourself.
Warm wishes, Louetta
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Gucci
Louetta - It's still very hard for me as well, as much as the steep mood swings have levelled out. I still cry at unexpected moments during the day. I can understand the anger - we lost our very young and healthy boys for no reason, and sometimes the only thing we can do is acknowledge how hard that is to bear.

I'm going to change the Christmas routine this year - I'll streamline my décor, set out a small spray of winter greenery in the garden where Sammi's buried, and participate in one of the Monday Night candle ceremonies (on this site) to commemorate his beautiful spirit. I've also kept his pink ID tag, and it's on my bed side table along with one of my favourite pictures of him. 

Mo seems a little more at ease, although it's impossible to know for sure. I don't think I realised how placid he truly is, and how he seemed more active because he reacted to Sammi's much stronger personality. Now that he's on his own, I can see how my lovely younger boy tended to rely on Sammi to initiate things. They're all so different, aren't they?

I have no doubt Ruby is aware of Tomas's absence, whether it's to look for him or possibly to appreciate having 'her' house back. Sammi really seemed to enjoy going for a car ride because it meant he was alone and didn't have to deal with Mo pestering him. He would relax and stretch out in the back seat, napping as he waited for me to finish my errand. I miss that terribly.

I hope you're doing ok today. Every day is different, and that's to be respected. Sending you warm thoughts and a big hug as we begin a new week.

 
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Lfc7118
Gucci,
I hope you and Mo are doing well. It has been a very busy for me trying to get all my work completed before my upcoming time off that I take at the end of the year. I have been on the road all week for my job which you think would keep my mind occupied so that I would have so much time to grieve. For me it has not helped. Being alone in the car with all my thoughts and feelings was not a good combination when driving. I found myself crying and wiping away tears more times than I wanted to. It seemed like every song made me think of him. Every deceased animal on the interstate made me think of him. I am just so glad today was my last day on the road this week.

I continue to play with Ruby as much as I can throughout the day. I get this box of toys each month from Kitnipbox for the cats and she loves those toys especially the ones filled with catnip. She has been very playful recently more than she had been. I love watching her play. That does bring me joy even with all the sadness flowing through me.

Thank you for being here for me as I move through this grieving process.

Warm thoughts and hugs,
Louetta
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