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Lfc7118

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Reply with quote  #1 
My little boy Tomas was my surprise that showed up at my home last February 2018 and decided to stick around. My girl cat liked him so I decided to give him his forever home. This past Wednesday he went outside like he always did, but it would be the last time I would ever see him again. It took several days, but I eventually found out he was hit by a car. I regret everything about that day. I will never forgive myself. My home feels so strange without him in it. My female cat is different too without him here. She looks everywhere for him. I don't know how we are supposed to move forward when I can't stop crying wondering what I could have done differently to have ended up with a different outcome. He was so used to going outside I didn't want know how to break that but if I would have ever known this was going to happen I would have never let him out. I never dreamed my beautiful surprise would be taken from me so soon. I miss him so much.
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Becky1990

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Reply with quote  #2 
Lfc7118,
I am so sorry to hear the loss of your Tomas. Please do not feel guilty about Tomas going outside. That is their natural instinct. To hunt! Mine would get so depressed when I wouldn't,t let him out. That is where my husband found our boy too, in our backyard. My husband named him Shemp. He found another one in our backyard now named Gypsy. She is looking all over for him too. Just give your little girl all the love that she wants and spoil her too. It has helped Gypsy. 
Please keep writing your feelings here. We understand the pain that you are feeling and you are not alone. This site has really saved my life. There are so many wonderful caring people here. Again my deepest condolences. Becky
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Lfc7118

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you for your kind words. My heart hurts so bad. I just can't understand why he was taken from me so soon. He was such an amazing cat that brought me so much joy and it just makes no sense on why it was his time to go when he just came into our life. Thank you. Louetta
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Becky1990

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Reply with quote  #4 
I wish i had the answer is to why he was in your life for such a short time. But I do know, that you was the best thing that happen to him. You gave him a loving home and he knew he was loved by you and your little girl. You gave him that wonderful gift that he cherished.
Tomorrow will be 10 weeks for me and some days it feels like yesterday. Just when I think I take 1 step forward, I take 2 steps backwards. Unfortunately the greiving process is so long because we love them deeply. Take however long you need to take. I cried for 3 days straight, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Then I started focusing on my other cat because she was greiving too and I wanted to ease her pain. My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers. Hugs.
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Lfc7118

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Reply with quote  #5 
I have been crying, screaming and hitting my mattress trying to get this pain to ease. I am having trouble sleeping and eating. I have been giving my girl all the attention I can give her because I know she is grieving as I watch her walk around the house looking for him not understanding why he isn't here. I really appreciate you helping me through this because it has been a great help having someone to talk to.
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Becky1990

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Reply with quote  #6 
Louetta,
I use to hit the pillows that was on the couch that he use to lay down by. The grieving process takes such a long time because we love them so deeply. But please forgive yourself. Tomas would not want you to blame yourself. He is so grateful that you gave him the loving home that you provided for him. He knows that you loved him with all your heart. If you can now, try and remember the good memories. Our fur babies want to see us smiling and to be happy. Today is 10 weeks for me. I still light a candle every Thursday to honor him. I don't like the Thursday weekday and probably won't for a long time. I still cry and miss him very much. But I know he will always be with me and in my heart. 
So how old is your girl kitty and what is her name? When you are ready to share pictures of them both, I would love to see them. But only when you are ready. Take care of you and sending you a big hug. xx
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Lfc7118

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you for helping me get through this. It is rough holding it together each day. I have two girls one lives in my house and my other has always lived outside. I have always tried but she never wanted to come in but for a little bit here and there. My cats names are Ruby Ann and Cleocattra. I call her Cleo for short and Tomas was Tomas the Flash because he used to run up the trees so fast chasing squirrels. I feel like this pain was worse for me than when I my kitty of 22 years passed away 4 years ago. What was your baby's name? Tomas is in the car. Ruby is on my bed and Cleo is taking a nap in front of the couch. Could I see you baby?

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Becky1990

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Reply with quote  #8 
What beautiful babies they are, all three of them!! And such cute names!!! We are truly blessed! They all look happy and content! And to have a cat that lived to be 22 years old tells me that you are a devoted, loving, and caring fur mommy. Do you think the way Tomas passed away is what is so painful to you, being younger, and a shorter time with him than the 22 year old? I know that itself, has got to be agony. My heart really goes out to you. But you know Louetta, he had a good life living with you and on his own terms. He got to enjoy what you loved to do. I have one like that as well and it scares me at times too. He (Toby) is the first cat that literally tore a hole in my screened in back porch to get out. Like your one girl now, they have their own personality and are too independent at times lol!!
Shemp, the one on my profile is the one that just passed away at the age of 19 years old. He was an outdoor cat as well. My husband found him in the backyard and named him after one of the 3 Stooges characters on t v. My husband passed away in 2009 from Lou Gehrig's Disease so I try to think that he is with his daddy again. Gypsy is 18 years old and she chooses to stay inside. Once again my husband found her in the backyard lol. I just found out that she is going into kidney failure just like Shemp. I am just taking it one day at a time but I know it will be here in due time that I have to let her go. Now Toby (tuxedo one) is 3 years old. He is a foster fail lol. I make him come in at night and he is not to happy about that lol.
Again this site has helped me tremendously and hope that you continue to write your feelings here. Know that you are a loving fur parent by doing what you are doing now. Here are pictures of my babies. Big hugs to you.xx
Gypsy is the 1st one, then Toby and then Shemp.

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Lfc7118

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Reply with quote  #9 
You have such beautiful babies. I do feel that part of why it hurts so much losing him is not only his age but also how sudden this occurred. It also tears me apart because of how it happened. He was such a great gift to my family and to have him ripped away like that makes no sense to me at all. I am just so angry that he was taken in such a violent way when he was the sweetest baby. My heart aches for him. Ruby still hunts for him and now I worry about her every time she steps outside my door. Cleo was never fond of him but I think it was because he was a baby and she is older plus he was always chasing her up the tree. I hope that Gypsy continues to be with you for a long time. Toby is a cutie and he looks very content. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. You will never know how much your kind words are helping me through this difficult time. Hugs. Louetta
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Becky1990

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Reply with quote  #10 
I hope this finds your pain easing up, although I know it takes a long time. It breaks my heart when animals are hit by cars. They have the sweetest and kindest souls. I read the other day to the effect that Steve Irwin is now taking care of our babies and I can hear him say "what beauutiful animal he is." He sure is a legend to the animal kingdom world.
I too am scared every time that Toby goes outside as well. 1st thing he wants to do when I wake up in the morning. It is 52 degrees here (cold for Florida lol) and when he went out on the porch, he came right back in. Lol...we are wimps lol. Of course it didn't last long and out he went.
My emotions have been up and down with Gypsy this past week. I was ready to take her in to be put down because she wasn't eating. She had other plans!! I couldn't get her out from under the bed. The vaccum cleaner didn't work. I had started her on the pain meds that Shemp was on for the arthritis and it perked her right back up! She is eating like a pig now! And she is eating the renal diet food like crazy!!
Yea, Shemp wasn't too crazy about Toby arriving either. Shemp was 16 yrs old and Toby was 6 months old. He had too much energy for him!
Be good to yourself and hope this site is helping you like it did me. Big hugs.
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Gucci

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Reply with quote  #11 
Loretta - I can understand your anger at the way Tomas was taken from you. I lost my precious Sammi about 6 weeks ago when he was struck by a car, and the loss is still raw. The tears come in waves; some days I'm fine and other days I feel I can't bear the emptiness of the house without his presence and charisma.
He was also so young - almost 2 and a half years old, and that he was gone when he had yet to even get close to his peak was a terrible shock for me. Cats who absolutely want to be outside have aways been in a special category for me. My younger cat, Moses, enjoys his time outside but always wants to be back inside to hang out with his humans. Sammi adored the outdoors, and was the consummate free spirit.
We never know how and when we lose our animal companions; regardless how it happens, the grief is real, overwhelming, and takes time to process. My deepest sympathies to you, and may you find some comfort sharing your memories and feeling with us on the forum. 

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Lfc7118

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Reply with quote  #12 
Becky I am so glad Gypsy is doing better sometimes it takes that change in things to figure out what they need to help them. I am not sure how old Cleo is she showed up not long after I moved into this house which was almost 7 years ago. She definitely did not like Tomas because he liked it chase her up the tree. I think he thought she was playing with him, but she was just trying to get away. Every time Ruby goes outside now I beg her not to go past the buildings. It is in the 40's here in North Carolina. I hate the cold but Ruby isn't fazed by it. She goes out no matter what. Tomas really didn't like the heat. He would stay in all day till it wasn't too hot outside then he would go back out. He always liked to get me up around 4:30 am every morning to let him out and then he would be waiting for me at the door around 8am when I would get up. Now it is so empty opening that door knowing he isn't coming in. Yesterday was a rough day for me. Ruby was hunting for him a lot around the house and she keeps laying on his spot on the bed. Also, last night she was laying on the couch with me and then all of sudden she hopped down and was sniffing under the coffee table like something was there. That was one of the places he would stay because he would come get me to pet him while he was under there. My home has changed so much without him here. I miss him so much. Hugs. Louetta.

Gucci. I am so sorry to hear about your baby. I hope that someday my pain does decrease right now there are more bad days than good. I struggle to make it through the day. I drag through work which also instead easy because I work partly at home and then travel on other days. It is so hard to be at home without him here. I will never understand why anyone would want to take away a sweet animal from its loving family at such a young age especially when he was just given to me to love. He found me and my home. I did not find him. I only kept him because Ruby liked him and she really doesn't like other cats. My love for him grew very quickly and to have him ripped from my life so quickly and violently without a chance to say goodbye has made this the worst pain I have ever felt. I appreciate all the help I am getting from everyone here because I definitely need it in order for me to be able to make it through this time. Louetta
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Gingers_Mommy

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Reply with quote  #13 
@Louetta, unfortunately our cat loss stories are so similar. I'm sorry for the loss of Tomas. Please try to be kind to yourself and let go of the guilt. It's a process. My Ginger was hit by a car too. I felt strange but didn't get the confirmation until the next evening. No physical body to bury either. Making a memorial for her certainly helped. I wish you healing and peace.
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Gucci

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Reply with quote  #14 
Thank you, Louetta. Cats struck by cars is always a risk, and no matter how much you intellectually understand it 'could' happen, it's agony when you find yourself absorbing the news. 
Gingers Mommy - I was so fortunate that I was able to retrieve Sammi, and bury him in the front garden with his favourite catnip toy. He lives forever in my heart, and I still miss him desperately. 
Peace to you both.

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Lfc7118

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Reply with quote  #15 
Gingers_Mommy I am so sorry for your loss. Finding out what happened was the worse part because before that I still had hope that I would find him. I too on the day it happened felt weird. I left her work and stopped at my regular store to get my coffee. I hit the corner of one of their displays and my coffee went everywhere. It was strange but for some reason I really wanted to cry and I didn't know why. The lady in the store told me it would be ok it wasn't the end of the world. Little did she know that this moment changed my life forever. Also, a nice gentleman paid for my coffee when I made myself another one. I still wonder if that was my sign something had happened I wouldn't find out what until almost a week later. I'm not sure if making a memorial would help me at this point everything in my house still reminds me so much of him it hurts. I can trying it get myself in a better place but it isn't easy. I appreciate all the help from everyone because I do feel that talking to others has made a big difference. I am slowly working my way through this agonizing grief, but I know that someday it will get better I am just not sure when they will be. You are right Gucci every time we let our cats out we risk something happening but until this happened it was not something I worried so much about. I do not live that close to the road and for almost 2 years he never went anywhere near it. To me it is just so strange how all of a sudden one day he decides to adventure that far from home when it has never occured before. I will never know why but I know it happened.
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