I know how hard it is to have to act OK when you are not. Mango's death is obviously pretty recent; it's normal to be very depressed at this stage. You are recovering not only from the trauma of her death, but also from the trauma of what you went through during her last year. I also knew that my Brandon was dying for a little over a year, and for that year I thought about him and his well being constantly. If he was doing better I was happy, but if he was doing worse I was anxious and depressed. Although I knew it had to end soon, perhaps I believed I could keep him alive by taking very good care of him and simply willing him to live. This did seem to work for a time, but finally nature took it's course and I had to say goodbye to my beloved companion. About a week after he died I went on a scheduled trip out of town where I had the chance to see all my kids and young grandchildren. My five grandchildren range in age from 1 to 4, and I don't get to see them very often as they all live far away. So this was something I had been really looking forward to. But I was still so traumatized that I found it difficult to enjoy the experience. Often I just wanted to retreat to my hotel room where I could be alone. What kind of grandma cannot enjoy her grandchildren because her dachshund has died? That's me, I'm afraid. It has been 10 weeks now and although I still miss Brandon I am feeling better. About a month after he died I noticed that I was finally starting to feel a sense of relief that all the stress and anxiety were over. I hope this will happen for you as well, but it is probably still too soon. Meanwhile try to go easy on yourself because there is nothing wrong with you. Cry as much as you need to. I am so sorry for your loss. Things will get better in time. -Dachsiemom
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"