curcumas
Went out today for a bit to try to do some food shopping. Couldn’t wait to get home. The anxiety is pretty bad. I just want to be home in bed. I thought I was feeling better, but I have been on the edge of tears all day. Over the next week, I have a few commitments and I just want to be home. I had know for over a year I would lose Mango, but I remember thinking a few weeks ago that she was doing great and who knows, if we kept up our system, she could live a few more years. I know that wasn’t logical, but that tells you the state of mind I was in. I have another cat. She isn’t very interactive, she was a rescue and had a hard life before I found her so she is pretty independent. I called Mango my puppy cat because she was at the door when I got home. Followed me everywhere and even begged at the table for food. I feels so empty. I have a family, I have a husband and son, but I have been so checked out. You would think with people around I would feel less alone, but sometimes it’s harder because you have to act like you are ok. I’m not really. I am so depressed.
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JennyTeddy
curcumas wrote:
Went out today for a bit to try to do some food shopping. Couldn’t wait to get home. The anxiety is pretty bad. I just want to be home in bed. I thought I was feeling better, but I have been on the edge of tears all day. Over the next week, I have a few commitments and I just want to be home. I had know for over a year I would lose Mango, but I remember thinking a few weeks ago that she was doing great and who knows, if we kept up our system, she could live a few more years. I know that wasn’t logical, but that tells you the state of mind I was in. I have another cat. She isn’t very interactive, she was a rescue and had a hard life before I found her so she is pretty independent. I called Mango my puppy cat because she was at the door when I got home. Followed me everywhere and even begged at the table for food. I feels so empty. I have a family, I have a husband and son, but I have been so checked out. You would think with people around I would feel less alone, but sometimes it’s harder because you have to act like you are ok. I’m not really. I am so depressed.


I’m so sorry 💔💔😢
I know the feeling when you said “Couldn’t wait to get home. The anxiety is pretty bad. I just want to be home in bed. I thought I was feeling better, but I have been on the edge of tears all day. ” that’s how I feel. Extreme anxiety. I hate that you’re feeling this too. But it made me feel I’m not alone in feeling this. I felt like something was wrong with me. But yes I understand just wanting to be home. And I thought the same way about Teddy. Even though I was told he could live 5 years more but everyday was a blessing to have him live another day. But I to felt even though I knew heart failure could sneak up and take him any day I was living in this cloud thinking he’s healing yay he’s getting better even though I knew better. And I feel for you when you say you’re alone and checked out and depressed and empty. I feel the same way. Gosh, my heart really does break for you, it makes me sad knowing you’re enduring this same pain. It’s such a terrible feeling. I don’t enjoy anything any more. I’m so so sorry. Sending you a huge hug and so much love. 💛💛💛 if you ever need to talk feel free message me I don’t care if you’re ranting every thought in your mind and it’s a long as a Harry Potter novel. I know how painful this is going through it alone. And it makes me sad we are going through this pain. 💔
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

  
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catiebee
I'm very sorry for how much you're suffering and I understand, Curcumas. I'm sorry for the loss of your sweet Mango.  It's really hard when their lives get cut short. I think we set our hearts on at least the average life span we think they should have but not every pup or kitty gets that. And it sure does hurt. And it's hard to adjust when they've been little shadows just a few feet away all their lives, for years on end.

I hear you about the grief making you feel depressed. It can stay heavy for such a long time and is very hard to walk through and function. 

It's funny you use the term "puppy cat." I used to call my dog Marissa a puppy cat, too. But because her breed has some kitty-like attributes. She washed her fact with her paws like a cat, for example. 

I hope things start to get even a bit better and easier for you. It takes more time to heal than any of us would like it to. I wish you much comfort!




Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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dachsiemom
I know how hard it is to have to act OK when you are not.  Mango's death is obviously pretty recent; it's normal to be very depressed at this stage.  You are recovering not only from the trauma of her death, but also from the trauma of what you went through during her last year.  I also knew that my Brandon was dying for a little over a year, and for that year I thought about him and his well being constantly.  If he was doing better I was happy, but if he was doing worse I was anxious and depressed.  Although I knew it had to end soon, perhaps I believed I could keep him alive by taking very good care of him and simply willing him to live.  This did seem to work for a time, but finally nature took it's course and I had to say goodbye to my beloved companion.  About a week after he died I went on a scheduled trip out of town where I had the chance to see all my kids and young grandchildren. My five grandchildren range in age from 1 to 4, and I don't get to see them very often as they all live far away.  So this was something I had been really looking forward to.  But I was still so traumatized that I found it difficult to enjoy the experience.  Often I just wanted to retreat to my hotel room where I could be alone.  What kind of grandma cannot enjoy her grandchildren because her dachshund has died?  That's me, I'm afraid.  It has been 10 weeks now and although I still miss Brandon I am feeling better.  About a month after he died I noticed that I was finally starting to feel a sense of relief that all the stress and anxiety were over.  I hope this will happen for you as well, but it is probably still too soon.  Meanwhile try to go easy on yourself because there is nothing wrong with you.  Cry as much as you need to.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Things will get better in time.  -Dachsiemom  
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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LynnCDM
Dachsiemom... thanks for sharing your story. It’s been a little over 5 weeks for me. The constant anxiety is gone for me... it now comes and goes. Your post gives me hope that I won’t feel like this forever. Thank you.
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Snowfire
Hope it's a bit better by now. Hang in there. Take care of you.
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curcumas
Thank you everyone for the support. I seem to go in waves. The vet called yesterday because they gave her to me in the wrong box. They got the proper one from the place that does the cremation. Gosh even saying that word makes me feel ill. I went to pick it up and it was in a bag with a sticky note on it that had her full first and last name. She was a family member and there was her name like it would be on anything I got for her. However, she is not here like that. I miss my kitty that never left me alone. Couldn’t even use the bathroom without her following me. Sometimes I would be doing something like be on my computer or watching tv and I would look down and she was on me and I was so used to it that I didn’t recall her coming over, she was just there like magic. I miss her trying to steal my food or watching me when I went out to water my plants. So much. I turn and she isn’t there. Even when her legs started to go, she still got herself moving to be with me. I knew what she wanted by just a meow or a look. It takes time to create that type of bond. She would meow at me, I would get up and she would walk to what she wanted. I need that now. Dachsiemom, it sounds like your story was similar. If it makes you feel any better I understand about the grandkids. I have had a hard time enjoying anyone’s company and my poor son probably suffered a bit. I don’t think he ever saw me cry and then here I was crying for over a week straight. I am glad you are doing better and thank you for sharing your story. I agree, it gives us hope. For now, I try to take each day one at a time. It’s only been a week and a half. Sometimes I feel ok and the next minute I am thinking I need to check her litter box to make sure she is using it and drinking enough or when was the last time she ate? Then in my mind I am in the room at the vet where I literally lost it. My poor girl was soaked with tears when I left and I feel guilty for that. One day at a time. Last night I saw a big moth in my bedroom. She loved them. We used to call them flying powdered donuts. I haven’t seen one in the house in so long and there one was, on my bed and flying by my nightstand. Then it was gone. Must have gone behind my nightstand. It made me happy to think of her chasing them and sad because she was missing it. I wanted to find that moth because somehow watching it made me feel connected to her, but I lost it. I’m so all over the place.
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Sooz
I'm so sorry about your darling Mango.
We understand. Believe me, we do.  Peace to all of us.
Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you.
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