rawomi
My beautiful Tori, a short hair calico, passed yesterday.
She would have been 5 years old next month.
It all happened so fast. Always a small girl, she didn't have much weight to lose. From the time her weight started to decline to the time she was called home was barely a week.
I feel like my heart has been ripped out.
Over the past year she had become my "emotional support". I suffer from depression and anxiety and she always knew when I needed her. If I was on the verge of a panic attack, she would stand on my chest, gently nip my chin, or even just lightly put her paw on my face. She always helped me keep my emotions at a healthy level, grounding me.
I've never felt pain like this with the passing of a pet. About 6 months ago I lost my 17 year old cat to old age, but the pain from losing Tori is so much different.
She was taken too soon. I still need her. I was with her till the end, gently petting her until the euthanasia had done its job. I pet her head one last time before laying her to rest yesterday.

I have plans for a memorial garden over her resting place, but I can hardly bring myself to be there with her right now. I spent hours yesterday looking for a catnip plant for sale, with no luck.
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winstonsmom12
Rawomi  I am sorry for the loss of your baby at such a young age.  I understand how our babies help with our depression, as i suffer from it too.  I used to tell My Winston when i was depressed.  All of us here know your pain.  It is still very new and raw for you.  You gave Tori a great life.  She sounds like she understood and knew you very well.  Prayers your way.  Sue
Susan
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et61
I am SO sorry to hear about Tori. I can definitely relate to your story and your heartbreak. I lost my cat, Sweetie, April 8th suddenly. He was a healthy cat and got sick suddenly and after $1,500 in vet bills got the dreadful call that my beloved Sweetie had passed away. I couldn't stop crying, spent the weekend in bed and didn't eat for 4 days. My heart too feels like it's been ripped out. We moved to a new state and I have no family or friends and LOVED coming home to Sweetie. He was MY baby and now he's gone. He too was my emotional support and I also suffer from depression, which has now only worsened. We had him cremated and my husband picked up the ashes. I haven't brought myself to get them from him yet. It hurts too much. Sometimes I feel in denial that he's really gone. I can't imagine never seeing him again. Sending hugs to you. I know EXACTLY how you feel and please come back for lots of support. Hugs.
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catmomTG
I'm so sorry to hear about Tori. It sounds like she was so loved, and when my baby Gidget passed yesterday I held on to the comfort of knowing that she knew how much I loved her. She was almost 20 but it still hurts.

When my first baby Tabatha died, we buried her and planted beautiful tulips over her grave. Now every year I see them I get a little choked up, but I know she lives on in my heart. Unfortunately I'll be moving soon, and I plan to dig up those tulips and take them with me to my new home. With Gidget I chose to have her cremated so that I could always have her with me. I wish I would have put Tabatha in a pet cemetery, but did not forsee my move at the time. Every aspect of this is so difficult. I grieved for Tabatha for a while but I know it will get better, and I'll always love all my pets with great care and compassion. I still have 3 kitties and 1 dog living with me. They can sense I'm sad, but I want to be strong for them and keep giving them lots of love. Hugs and prayers to you.
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Sampson
I wanted to add my condolences. I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. Grief is so tough. Just be easy on yourself and do things as you feel you are able.
Thinking of you and your precious Tori.
S.
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lizzie_252
Hugs to you and hoping you're feeling more at peace with your little Tori passing.  I know how hard it is . I just put to sleep my beautiful little Zizi yesterday as there was no hope of her getting better and recuperating or improving. Kidney failure in cats is such a devastating and cruel disease and takes them away so quickly.
My thoughts and prayers are with you as I am also trying to attain some peace and closure with the sudden departure of my beloved cat. I hope it will get easier as time passes. I loved my little cat very much too and the house is so empty without her, I keep seeing her everywhere.
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Bailey15
Dear Rawomi,
I am so very sorry about your huge loss! Tori sounds like such a special little cat and it's obvious you shared such a close bond! It was so good for her that you could be with her at the end but so devastating for you now that she is gone. I really do understand that horrible pain when you feel like your heart has been ripped out. We lost our boy on November 10 and while I was happy to be there for Bailey, the following days were a nightmare filled with pain like I have never experienced - so I sympathize so much with what you are going through!
Thinking of you and Sending you Hugs!
MJ
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CK1991
I would like to express my deepest condolences on the loss of your special Torty!
That decision to let them go is just the worst! You were very brave to be there with her at the end making sure she was comforted. You will be so happy you were able to do that for her when this terrible pain begins to ease. Be kind to yourself in the coming days.
Hugs to you!
CK
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rawomi
Thank you all for your kind words. I love my other girls too, but Tori and I had a special bond for sure.
My husband took me to the animal shelter (at my request) and we spent some time in their "cat colony" which helped me. Helped ease some of the pain, but also helped me realize that I am not yet ready to welcome another family member just yet. I needed to clear that confusion in my head/heart by going, one less emotional struggle.

When the pain starts to get to be too much, I go out to work in the memorial garden, which helps SO much more than I expected. I finally found the catnip plants that I was looking for, too. 
It was all just so sudden, so unexpected. 
I am very thankful to have found this place, thankful for your kind words. So thankful for others who realize that she wasn't "just a cat" to me.
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winstonsmom12
Rawomi  I am glad to hear working in your memorial garden helps you.  My Winstons passing was also unexpected.  I thought it was just old age.  Ive come to realize he had more serious problems that I ever thought.  My denial and great love for him blinded me to the truth.

I did the right thing for him, I am positive.  I just couldn't see him failing.  He was very weary as was I.  I can picture him over the bridge, happy healthy and watching over my Max.   Prayers to you......
Susan
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JerseyNonna
rawomi, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your dear tori.  I lost my service dog roxie the evening after this Christmas so I know how you feel losing that one soul who was your rock and it takes a special soul to be an emotional support companion.  my roxie also instinctively knew when I was getting myself too upset and she'd place a paw on me and bark once - it always worked to take me out of the panic moment to steady myself so I never crossed that line to allow an attack to happen.  I know you are feeling absolutely lost and more than likely scared and afraid to be without tori because that is exactly how I felt after roxie crossed.  I cried like a baby in the vet's exam room praying to God to please take care of roxie and help her.  I did not know that during the chest ultrasound her huge heart stopped on it's own or that her chest was filled with fluid.  I know that my prayers were answered it's just they weren't answered in the way I wanted and have her get well and stay with me because I needed her - instead, roxie was called home because too have her stay here would have meant more pain and illness for my girl and as much as I still need her, I could never do that to her.  tori's memorial garden will be beautiful and you will find that catnip plant that will be perfect!  many many hugs and we're here for you.
JerseyNonna
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