WhitValid
Nike left on January 10. He was 13 years old and had been blind for a year and a half. He fell off the bed and he fell wrong.

Since that day my home has become a Nike shrine of sorts... pictures of him everywhere, notes I write to him, I keep buying him fresh flowers. My brother and sister traveled to me so that we could have a proper memorial.

My dominant emotions over the month have been of gratitude and love. I'm carrying him around with me by silently recounting the memories. A lot of the time it's not even memories... I walk around with a belief that he is somehow always beside me still. I'm trying so hard to keep him alive with the pictures, with the anecdotes, and my written correspondence to Nike. (Somehow he can read in the afterlife, even though I'm an atheist haha).

I think the last few days I've begun to emerge from the shock. Because now... now it's been so long since I've seen him. I'm slowly coming to understand that this isn't temporary. You know how when you come back into a room there's that little alert in your brain to locate your dog--you know exactly where they are so you instinctively look at the couch. It's been too long since he was there. I'm getting frustrated that he isn't there. And I'm feeling a little angry about this arrangement where I can't hold him and feed him and love him the way he came to count on.

I want to love Nike forever. And I will, but it doesn't feel satisfactory. The passing of time feels unacceptable. I don't want the years to pile up without him. I don't want to forget. I don't want this to be good enough. I just want to love my little man forever. He belongs by my side forever.

So much love to all of you who have lost your loves. It's a source of pride to me that we can feel this much for our friends who always needed us. We're lucky, and life is silly. But loving Nike wasn't silly work. It was pure and natural and good. 2015-01-07 21.55.01.jpg
W
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RileysMom
WhitValid wrote:
I'm slowly coming to understand that this isn't temporary. You know how when you come back into a room there's that little alert in your brain to locate your dog--you know exactly where they are so you instinctively look at the couch. It's been too long since he was there. I'm getting frustrated that he isn't there. And I'm feeling a little angry about this arrangement where I can't hold him and feed him and love him the way he came to count on.

I want to love Nike forever. And I will, but it doesn't feel satisfactory. The passing of time feels unacceptable. I don't want the years to pile up without him. I don't want to forget. I don't want this to be good enough. I just want to love my little man forever. He belongs by my side forever. />


I know EXACTLY what you mean. I feel much the same way. The frustration gets so intense sometimes that I just want to scream or something. There is nothing satisfying or acceptable about it. Yes, I’m glad and grateful for the years we had, yes, my love will not die, but none of that makes it okay for my dog to be gone. Because I know the harsh reality is that over time love does fade, memories do fade. Another dog will be in my life that I will love just as much as I love my girl now. Not that she’ll be replaced, it’s just that life will go on.
it’s inevitable. I think healing from this is actually coming to terms with that inevitability, being okay with life moving forward.

I think that’s why places like this forum are so important. They allow us to express our feelings and memorialize our love and grief. The loss of them is something for the world to see, so that now, not just you, but the world now knows about Nike and knows of his importance and significance to you.
Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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1967Pinecone
I understand exactly. I'm going through the same thing, always looking in his favorite places. And I still put out food for Stripes, since even though I'm an atheist as well I still think he might get hungry! Nike is adorable. 

I'm sad, and I'm angry. I'm finally at the point where I'm not angry at the world, though. Snapping at everybody. Laying on the horn in traffic. It had to stop.

Keep talking to Nike. Years ago I lost a cat under strange circumstances at the vet. I did something I never thought I'd do and contacted an animal communicator. He told me a bunch of interesting things, but the most interesting was this. I asked him whether Bridget was still in the house, and he replied, "You have a thick, fleece, burgundy or wine colored throw at the foot of your bed, and that's where she is." Lo and behold, that's exactly what I had. I still talk to all of them.
"Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow" and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed." Khalil Gibran
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Chinadoll
Beautiful picture of Nike, what a cute dog, so sweet and happy looking. This journey of grief is a long one, take it one day at a time, speak to Nike, I believe they are still beside you at moments. This bond is eternal, it will never be 'lost', and I do believe in a reunion later. Thank you for posting here and sharing Nike with us.
Charlie
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catiebee
Such an adorable dog. I'm so sorry for your loss. I sure understand about wanting to hold onto him in every way possible. I hope you'll have more and more peace with the passing days.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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