curcumas
It’s only been 5 days since I had to put down my Mango. I knew we were always together, but it’s so much more obvious now as to how much. She was my shadow. It didn’t matter where i was, she would be on me. She would be at the door when I got home or be walking behind me when I looked back. I still keep trying to clean up little bits of her stuff here and there and it’s so hard. Lots of it I leave out. I thought I was doing better. I was distracted today with a friend that had some issues, but as soon as it settled, it all came crashing back. I can’t believe how incredibly lonely I feel without her. Nights are the worst...
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Chinadoll
I am so sorry for your loss Curcumas. The picture of Mango is so cute. There is just no preparing for losing one of our fur angels, the pain and grief can be overwhelming in the beginning. The loss for you is so recent, so raw, I know how much this can hurt. My nights in the early stages were the worse also, I did take some medications to help me sleep. So many times I refused to go to bed, setting up until I was so tired and only then could I get in bed and drift off. There are several things you can do that might help, each person is different and handles their grief as best as they can. I wrote a journal of my days and weeks, how I was doing, I talked to them also and wrote entries in the journal to them. I lit candles (and still do) to honor their memory. I wrote down all the beautiful memories I had of them, the fun things we did, the games we played, how we snuggled, any little things I didn't want to forget over time. This forum is a wonderful place to come and talk about your angel when you feel like it. Everyone here knows how difficult this journey can be and understand what you are going through. It is early yet for you, do whatever helps, crying, writing, praying, anything to help. Most of us take each hour/day one at a time, just to make it till the next day. Whenever you feel like it, you could come here and tell us more about Mango, how the bond was so strong and how she filled your life with love. You have my blessings on this journey, it is difficult because of how much we love them. I believe they are still with you, every day, and will be so until we are reunited again. 
Charlie
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curcumas
Thank you Charlie. It is harder then I thought. She has been sick for so long and I thought I had prepared myself, but noting could have prepared me. I had hoped she would go on her own, but she didn’t. I am a little better about the guilt, but now I just mourn. It’s funny, I have had good dreams when I sleep. Very real vivid good dreams. I would expect different. Then I wake up and it’s all fuzzy for a minute until I realize she isn’t next to me for her morning cuddles. Thank you for understanding. I might write a story about her and post it. We had such an amazing time together. Almost 19 years. That’s a little less then half my life. Thank you again.❤️
Ginger
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foreverbabysmomma
I am sorry for your loss. I only put my sweet Baby down a little over a week ago. I had her for 18 years, 2/3 of my life. Baby was a lot like you describe your Mango, always with me. She would run out to my car when I got home late from work and would jump in the front seat while I gathered my things and decompressed from another night in the ER. She slept either on my legs or wrapped around my head. I miss waking up to purrs in my ear. I am still slowly gathering her things around the house, but it is so hard to see them being moved when they feel like they belong there now.
I am also moving from guilt and on to mourning. We have both done what is best in the interests of our babies. Now we have to heal ourselves from the emptiness left by their absence. I have found many wonderful people from this message board, and though they are all suffering in their own ways, they are also supportive and understanding of everyone else here.
May happy thoughts and memories fill you in the void of your Mango. She will always be a part of you.
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curcumas
Foreverbabysmama, I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Baby sounds a lot like my Mango. Even their ages were the same. That is a very long time to have a pet in our life. Pet isn’t a good word, it is more like our friend, our children, our loyal companions. It is a very difficult thing. Waking up to purrs is a wonderful thing. I miss it terribly. I want to feel better, but the sadness also makes me feel closer to her. It’s a strange feeling. Thank you for reaching out. I hope you find peace in memories of Baby. It’s sounds like you both were blessed to have shared so many years.
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Julienina
Put my cat Nina to sleep Sunday, she was my best friend, I made miss her terribly. The vacuum of the hole is devastating. I love animals more than people. This is the fourth animal in my life of 51 years that I’ve had to put down. I hate the ending. Makes me sick and angry. Feel like the vet didn’t do the right thing, simultaneously charging too much money. The system is corrupt, has turned into a money making mill.

Sad in New York.
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Julienina
I’m in the same boat as you, put down my cat Sunday, I miss her so much. Tried to view your picture, could not for some reason, was Mango a cat or dog? Sorry for your loss.
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GabrielleDC
Nights really are the worst. It’s been two months since our 9 year old Tucker passed suddenly from a brain tumor, and I’ve developed insomnia in my grief. We had our ritual every night, he’d lay on my pillow with me and cuddle for 20 minutes purring while I rubbed his belly, and then he’d move down and spoon against my stomach or lay at our feet. I can’t sleep without him. I wait until exhaustion takes me, and sometimes that’s not til 3 AM. He was our only baby and my husband passes right out, and I lay there in the silence. The silence is the worst part. He was such a rumbler.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I don’t know if it helps, but it feels slightly less lonely knowing that when your heart is aching, others are aching right along with you.
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JennyTeddy
Nights are incredible you hard, I can’t sleep until 1,2, or 3am. I’ll be laying in bed by 8/9pm. It’s hard. As for putting Mangos belongings away. Everyone’s different, I still have Teddy’s belongings out. His food & water bowl, his clothes he loved to wear, he slept in my bed, his blanket he loved. Some people say you should put them away, I tried but it didn’t feel right. So I set them back out. Everyone is different. Again I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

  
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Julienina
I was sleeping in a room with Nina, I cant sleep in there since she died Sunday. I put all her things away except the bed she was in, cant bear that yet. Still has her smell. Each day I find another item and start crying. Yesterday her brush, today her feather toy I would hide on the shelf until Id swoop it down like a bird to play. That was rough finding that. I went to CVS and make an 8 x 10 photo, one if my favorite last ones. I have it on my desk. I miss her so much, keep crying, I spend time at her grave each day. Day # 4. ((((my heart aches)))). Told her today Ive would have done anything to save her!!! I wish I could have!!!!
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curcumas
Julienina and GabrielleDC, your baby’s are so beautiful. They are tabby like my Mango. Thank you both and JennyTeddy and everyone else for the support. It is so hard. Night again and it’s so empty. Today was strange. Today I felt mostly numb. I carried on my day and tried to keep it all in the distance in my mind. When I remembered I tried to block it out of my mind. I think it just made me feel worse. Broken maybe. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel. I am exhausted and the second I feel, I see her, I can feel her, I want her. I can’t have any of it, because I can’t have her. Well, I guess I’m back because just writing this I have tears in my eyes again. It was nice not feeling for a while, but empty. I still fell like I’m in shock. I can’t believe she is gone. How did I do this. How did I take her. How did I not do more. No, sometimes not feeling is better. I lost another cat 8 years ago who was my soul mate. It was crushing, but I had a new baby that was sick and I was very sick so I had to focuse on my child and my health. I mourned her and it was terrible. However, with all that was going on, it’s hard to remember. I think I just repressed it all over time, That sound odd now. I was so sick, it just fades into those memories. I don’t want memories to fade.
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Julienina
Curcumas, Mango was a tabby like Nina? Wow. Tabbys are so great, I loved it. Its 3am and Im awake, had a bad night, went to my alonon meeting but had to leave because Im too vulnerable feeling sick. Yes, you have similiar experience as me with another animal in your life dying. I had another cat I was very attached to and I remember being very uoset when she died but I dont remember feeling this bad and was wondering the same thing, was I distracted in my life then? I was and I was feeling guilty over that too that I didnt give enough attention to her, Phoebe. This cat I was so open and emotionally connected, but she became my whole world. Not sure which way is healthier. How do you balance life when living with an animal as your best friend? I just wanted to be home with her. Id rather be with her than with people. Im sorry for your lioss. Take one day st a time. Youre gong to get through this. My heart is nroken too, I know how you feel. Maybe tomorrow we will feel a little bit better.
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