lindscx

My boy has now been gone for 11 days, I can’t believe it. For a week straight, I have been having nightmares about him. I’m waking up every morning dripping in sweat, and scared to sleep because of it. I keep trying to block the image of him being put to sleep out of my mind because it was absolutely horrific to witness. His eyes stayed open the whole time after he passed away. I have never experienced anything like it. My mind is struggling to process it all. I try to remember all the good times and memories with him but the guilt is always lurking and I end up getting flashbacks of his death. When it first happened I didn’t want to eat anything, and now I am eating everything in sight to try and comfort my self. Overall, my physical health is declining as well as my mental health. I have truly lost a piece of my self since my Glen died, the house is not a home without him, and I don’t think it will ever be the same again.


To everyone reading this, take care and god bless 💕🙏🏼

Lindsay
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Marisa8780
I’m so sorry for your loss. I just joined this site today to help me cope with the death of my american Eskimo dog Leo. He was euthanized Thursday night because he had a mass in his abdomen and he was internally bleeding. I was with him during the whole time. I spent five minutes with him before the dr came in and all I could do is cry and give him kisses. He kept staring at me the whole time. Then the dr came in and euthanized him. His eyes were still open as he passed away and I have that image in my head. I started questioning every little thing. I feel guilty because I spent only five minutes with him. I feel that wasn’t enough but I couldn’t bare it anymore. Waiting around for him to die. I just wanted it to be over so he can go in piece. I couldn’t stand his suffering. His gums were white and his tongue was blue. At that moment I wanted it to end for him. I miss him so much it hurts. I’ve never felt so much pain before as I felt with him. My house feels empty without his presence.  All I do is cry. So I feel your pain. I hope it gets better.
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grievingmama
lindscx wrote:

My boy has now been gone for 11 days, I can’t believe it. For a week straight, I have been having nightmares about him. I’m waking up every morning dripping in sweat, and scared to sleep because of it. I keep trying to block the image of him being put to sleep out of my mind because it was absolutely horrific to witness. His eyes stayed open the whole time after he passed away. I have never experienced anything like it. My mind is struggling to process it all. I try to remember all the good times and memories with him but the guilt is always lurking and I end up getting flashbacks of his death. When it first happened I didn’t want to eat anything, and now I am eating everything in sight to try and comfort my self. Overall, my physical health is declining as well as my mental health. I have truly lost a piece of my self since my Glen died, the house is not a home without him, and I don’t think it will ever be the same again.


To everyone reading this, take care and god bless 💕🙏🏼



I also have nightmares. They started on the second or third night after I let my boy go. It's been 5 weeks, the fastest and longest weeks of my life. My nightmares are all about me trying to find my boy, about how he was PTS but is somewhere and I'm desperately searching for him. The first one, I found him and he came back to life, a voice said "you didn't kill him, it was the gentle touch". Some may say that dream had a meaning, but it woke me up in sweat and tears because the reality was a silent empty home without him there. The next ones have been more dreadful, he doesn't come back to life, but I do find him. 

I think the nightmares are a subconscious manifestation of the extreme guilt and loss we are processing. Not that a rational explanation makes them affect us any less. I'm so sorry you are suffering with these as well, it's painful, this whole process is painful. I'm still in the no appetite phase, I've lost a ton of weight and although I've tried to "move on" and "do things" I spend 99% of my time pacing at home, crying and retracing every moment of those past few days leading up to that dreadful moment, just trying to reassure myself about having to make such an impossible decision. I've tried to distract myself, so far over 5 weeks I've made it through on episode of a tv show, it's impossible to focus. My tears are constant, again. I had a few days of being numb/lost in a fog, but now I'm back to crying. The tears just fall, no sound. 

Like you, my dog was my everything. I understand and feel your pain. My thoughts are with you. 

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grievingmama
Marisa8780 wrote:
I’m so sorry for your loss. I just joined this site today to help me cope with the death of my american Eskimo dog Leo. He was euthanized Thursday night because he had a mass in his abdomen and he was internally bleeding. I was with him during the whole time. I spent five minutes with him before the dr came in and all I could do is cry and give him kisses. He kept staring at me the whole time. Then the dr came in and euthanized him. His eyes were still open as he passed away and I have that image in my head. I started questioning every little thing. I feel guilty because I spent only five minutes with him. I feel that wasn’t enough but I couldn’t bare it anymore. Waiting around for him to die. I just wanted it to be over so he can go in piece. I couldn’t stand his suffering. His gums were white and his tongue was blue. At that moment I wanted it to end for him. I miss him so much it hurts. I’ve never felt so much pain before as I felt with him. My house feels empty without his presence.  All I do is cry. So I feel your pain. I hope it gets better.


Marisa, I'm so sorry for your loss of your pup. Cancer is awful and the internal bleeding is horrific for them. My dog had suddenly started coughing up blood, that was the final ailment before I too let him go. I know you wish you could have spent more time, but in doing so his suffering, which was severe, would have been prolonged. By allowing him to go sooner than later you spared him pain and that was the kindest decision you could have made in a terribly situation. I know, from experience, that when our pets are PTS, their eyes always remain open. Please don't let that last "look" stay in your heart, your Leo's soul was already gone, free from pain and sickness. I understand what it feels like to see that, after spending every day looking into those loving eyes. Try to remember that Leo's body was just a part of him, it was his soul that you interacted with during his life and that soul was set free from a tired external body. My thoughts are with you during this difficult and painful time. xx 
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Marisa8780
Thank you so much. 🙏🏻
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