Malyssah
Hi,
I happened to come across this board by googling and searching for support... On May 29th we love our beloved cat Katie totally unexpectedly and tragically .  3 yrs ago I found 2 newborn kittens in the trash that still had their placentas attached... I named them Katie and Oliver . I scooped them up and hand raised them . They were both extremely sick and in and out of the hospital and back and forth to vet appointments ..  I was the first thing they saw when they opened their eyes for the first time .. I took them everywhere I went with me .. I would put them in my sports bra and go about my days so they could feel the closeness and warmth that love had to offer .  I promised them if they fought and survived that I would give them the best life ... The did just that and I kept that promise to them ... They are indoor cats only.. Never been outside , never had to defend or protect themselves ... The love and bond that I have for them is like no other.... Katie and I had something special  though .. Not a day would go by that I didn't tell Katie how much I loved her .. I would say to her and my husband and kids all the time that I don't know what I would do with out her . Every part of my day was around her .. She would right there every morning to get ready with me and get the kids ready for school.. Be right there when I came home from work to each lunch, I would often share my lunch with her .... I sometimes I would question myself if I actually loved her more than I did my own kids.. I love them the same but Katie has something a little special in my heart.. She had the biggest sweet tooth. Always wanted candy and cakes ... I know I am rambling on, I apologize.. I am thinking out loud :(

Last year we took in a street cat that we named Arnold. He was about to be killed so we took him in. He is a very sweet cat but was always aggressively trying to get outside ... On May 29th at 3:30 am my husband got up to get a drink of water and noticed that Arnold had put a hole in the back screen door . Not only was he gone but Katie was gone too .. He woke me up and we tried to call her back and looked for her .. we wernt to concerned about Arnold since he was originally from the streets and knew what he was doing ... At 5:30am my daughter had gotten up for school and I had told her about Katie.. By then the sun had come up.. I was still calling her in the backyard and my daughter went into the front yard and that is when she found Katie.. She came running inside screaming . I never went to look at her . I called my husband hysterically and he flew home from work in tears himself .. Katie had been attacked by a coyote .. Half of her was gone ....My sweet baby was gone . We took her to be cremated right away , there was no need to have her laying around and I couldn't bare to know that she was in that condition ... It will be a week tmrow and I still have yet to eat anything other than my husband forced a couple bites of watermelon in me last night ... A huge piece of my heart is gone . I have been numb and in tears .. My body went into shock and sometimes I find myself  having a hard time breathing... Everytime I would post a picture of her on Facebook I would always mention how she was more than just a cat . It was as if she had a human heart and soul but put into a cats body . She was suppose to grow old with me .. Be there for me when then kids grew up and moved out .... It has been an extremely tough thing to process for me .  My life has changed from that morning and I still don't know how to grasp it  or accept it .... Just knowing how she died and knowing she was scared and suffered... Knowing she probably was looking for me to help her . She had no idea what she was doing . We have dogs, maybe she thought the coyote was her friend.. ..  So many different thoughts and emotions run through my head constantly . Since it was so tragic and sudden , when we took her to be cremated, I didn't say goodbye to her . I was to shook up . I called on Thursday  to see if they had cremated her yet and they said they hadn't . I asked them to hold off on her so that I can just be with her and talk to her . The were okay with that . On Saturday we went to the store and picked out a rose bush. We placed it where Katie was found . I picked a rose from the bush and took it with me to visit Katie and also to have cremated with her . Knowing she had a rose and I have the bush, felt warm to me .  I was never able to kiss her sweet face again or stroke her head . Even when I went to be with her on Saturday . The coyote left me with the lower half of her body ... The workers were sweet and wrapped her up and left her lower feet out for me to see and stroke .. I fell to my knees as soon as they brought her out ... I took the rose and brushed it across her and then took a peddle off to have with me forever.. The rose will be cremated on her .... Fast fwd through my novel, im sorry , I'm still just a wreck.. I don't even know what to do with myself .. Not only that but Oliver, her brother, it a mess himself... He walks around all day and night crying his manly cry .. looking for her .. doesn't sit still at all.. we are constantly getting up through the night to comfort him when we hear him .  Oliver is nothing like Katie.. They don't act or look the same... but knowing share the same blood and have a bond like I do and Oliver holds the same promises that I had for Katie, it helps me some. But again, he is not her . I don't know what to do about Oliver.. He is breaking my heart even more , if that's even possible ... They were always together .... I'm just a mess... any advice would be welcomed . ..Here are a few pictures of Katie and some with Oliver . There is one where I put Oliver on the bed with a picture of  Katie and he licked the picture and then laid on top of it . .. We also took him to where placed the rose bush and he "kissed" the rose that we took to Katie .  There is a picture of that too .
I also want to add that my husband did bring Katie inside for Oliver and our other pets to see what happened so they wouldn't wonder where she went.. That part doesn't seem to matter because Oliver is just beside himself right now, right along with me :(




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CKMP
Katie's Mom,
I am so so sorry...Reading your message has left me in tears and really quite without words or advice.  Your bond and love for Katie is so so deep, and so so special.  Your loss so recent - the pain is still a cutting one.  Shock still permeates your grief....Your home is in mourning - Oliver is voicing his so clearly...His sister is missing from his world as well.  Oh, Katie's Mom, I am a loss right now your story has touched me so...
You are the saviour of Katie [and Oliver] - your care, compassion and love so so clear.  Your special girl suffered a terrible terrible accident - and you will be within that fog that grief creates.  Keep close to your heart the knowledge you gave Katie and Oliver a chance - and time that someone else wanted to rob them off.  Your care for her always saved her - and she is still near by.  Your desire to see her, talk to her and to say goodbye with dignity and respect shows the bond you two have is enduring.  She will not be far - Take each moment of each day as it is - tears, anger, sorrow, grief and pain - it is a testimony to the love shared.  Let your grief just be what it is...Oliver needs you too - try to talk to him openly about Katie and your emotions...our fur ones are so intuitive and there is indeed a special bond between the three of you.  
You will need extra attention and time as will Oliver...you have both lost a soul so connected -  I so wish there were 'magic words' ...Katie's Mom - lean on the kind, caring and understanding people on this forum - do not travel this alone...
May you be granted just a moment of calm and peace today to ease your suffering heart and soul.  
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Tankie12
Beautiful kitties, I’m so sorry you lost your boy. I also raised 2 from birth. Puppies though. My Tankie died Jan 3rd. You will never be the same, you know it. Nothing can change that. This is the most painful thing I’ve ever been through and I have no doubt you feel the same way. The loss has no words. I couldn’t be consoled, nor did I want to be. All I wanted was for it not to be real. You have found a family of people in the midst of their own grief here to offer words of comfort and support, no one should go through this alone and it can be rough out in this world because not all animal lovers grieve or miss their babies the same. Not everyone will understand. Do try and eat a little when you can, rest if you can. Again, all easy to say. I don’t remember clearly the first month. I couldn’t sleep but didn’t mind, I didn’t want to face that sudden stab every morning when I woke up and suddenly realized this isn’t my life as it should be, my baby is gone. I would give so much, go through anything to have one more hour. Her sister grieved like yours is doing. She looked and waited at the gate for weeks. Than she just, quit. She didn’t want to go out, her eyes were so empty, she knew she wasn’t coming back.Tankie was much more of a people dog, Browns relied on Tankie for so much, Tankie was the gentle leader and Browns was now lost. At 3 wks I got Browns a small rescue pup. The pup loved her at first sight and I’m sure would pick her over my husband or me. For her it was exactly what she had to have. Come as often as needed, take care of you
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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dachsiemom
Malyssah-  I am very sorry about the loss of your beloved Katie.  You have taken the first step toward healing by coming to this forum, but it will take time.  We have all been where you are now.  The circumstances are all different, but the grief is essentially the same.  Grief is overwhelming at first, and will come over you in waves.  The only advice I can give you is to let yourself cry as much as you need to.  Don't be afraid that you are going crazy.  You will regain your equilibrium in time, but it will not happen right away.   I joined this forum 4 weeks after my dachshund boy died, so I was obviously still struggling then.  He has been gone about 2 months now, and although I still think about him every day it has gotten easier.  I can finally talk about him and his death without crying.  I agree with Lynn- take care of yourself and come here as often as you need to.  -Dachsiemom 
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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msweet13
Dearest Malyssah - I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious beloved Katie. What a horrific thing to have happened. I am inspired that given this awful tragedy you have accomplished quite a bit to make her life count and her memory long-lasting. You may not feel it because the grief and pain are still very raw, but the actions that you have taken on behalf of your beautiful Katie speak of a deep strength, courage, love and devotion that I find admirable. I also feel for your poor beloved Oliver who is also grieving the loss of his sister. Thank you for sharing photos of your precious fur-babies--they are beautiful. The first step to healing is to know you are not alone--we understand because we have all been there--trying to navigate the treacherous path that grief lays out for us. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am still on that journey and oftentimes find myself sinking in quicksand. The beauty of this forum is that there will always be someone close by to reach in and give you a branch to hang onto to pull you up and out of the muck. I wish you warm hugs and blessings of comfort.
Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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Malyssah
Thank you for responding and all the kinds words  and encouragement from all . Its very unfortunate that we have all experienced this pain . I miss Katie every min of the day . Everything about my day was surrounded by her and its extremely hard to overcome it all . Oliver, her blood brother and litter sibling, is still going around looking for her and crying . I must have gotten up 5 times through the night last night to pick him up and comfort him . I am constantly racing around the house to a animal check . I am so paranoid that someone Oliver got out  and my nightmare will be relived again . I had a friend text me yesterday telling me that I should be grateful that it wasn't one of my kids or husband and that I need to basically get it over it. That text seriously made me mad because Katie is on of my kids .  Yes she is not human but my love for her is as pure as it is for my children . I don't know how I could even put the word grateful in any scenario of this situation . ... People who make those comments make me feel ashamed for them.. Ashamed that they don't know or have been blessed to experience this special kind of love or relationship between a pet and themselves ... Needless to say, I  never responded back to her . I wanted to but I controlled myself and left it alone .
I've proudly said it many times through out the 3 years of her and Oliver's life and i'll continue to always say it is that, they are much more than just a cat to me and my family ....  How do you guys deal with those kind of comments ?

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Ginger4256
Malyssah
First, I am so sorry for your loss.  
When people make comments like "it's time to get over it" or "snap out of  it", I just have to ignore them.  Those people obviously don't know what it is like to have unconditional love from a furry friend.  These ARE our children and there is nothing anyone can say to make it otherwise.  I loved my Boo just like I do my children and grandchildren.  The difference is, Boo was with me EVERYDAY for 11.8 years and the children just visit.  We were bonded and I know that you know what I mean by that.  Some people just don't "get it"  We do here.  I can tell you, if I hadn't found this forum, I would be a lot worse than I am now.  This place, the people here are lifesavers for all of us humans that our dogs/cats took care of.  A part of our heart is missing without them.  

Boo' s mommy
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dachsiemom
The comment you describe was made out of ignorance.  Katie was not a human child, but she was one of God's beloved creatures for whom you had been given responsibility.  You took the responsibility seriously and formed an intense bond with this lovely creature.  The relationship between a person and an animal is special, I think because animals are our link to the other world.  We humans have drifted away from that world; cats and dogs keep us connected. 
When I told my 38 year old son that I had joined an online support group for bereaved pet owners, he laughed but then felt bad about laughing.  Perhaps if you shared with this acquaintance the depth of your feelings for Katie, she would also feel ashamed.  Perhaps not.  
I also have children and grandchildren, but they all live in other states.  I see them a few times a year; they are not part of my day to day life.  Brandon, on the other hand, was my constant companion for 15 years. Every day he was my soul mate, my little boy, my heart's delight.  Every night he slept contentedly beside me.  I was the most important person in his life.  It would have been unnatural not to feel deep grief when he died.   
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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Olgita256
I recall a week after my Buddy was gone. My sister came over on a Saturday and I was in bed looking like a mess... she rolled her eyes and said something sarcastic... I don’t recall what it was. I was so angry... I asked her “ how old was Rocky when he died?” ( Rocky was her poodle that was attacked and killed by another dog around 20 years ago) she said “I don’t remember, I don’t even think about Rocky anymore “. To which I replied “ that’s the problem, you don’t remember how your eyes where swollen for weeks ... how you lost so much weight”.... otherwise you’d have more compassion. It hurts so much to have someone underestimate our love, our grief. But we know and we will never forget our bond, our connection... our endless love ❤️
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Malyssah
Some people can just be so cold hearted and hurtful ... This particular friend texted me again this morning asking how I was doing... Needless to say, I didn't reply to that text either . I just need to step away from her all together right now as I continue to go through this .... I have also gotten allot of comments on how she is in a better place now. Maybe Its because I am so overly sensitive right now but how the heck is she in a better place ? She wasn't sick.. She had the best life with us.. She was extremely spoiled in love and happiness.. It's so hard to have this happen so unexpectedly and tragically .... I went walking the neighborhood  last night letting others know of what happened  because I always see outdoor cats roaming around .. Our Katie was not an outdoor cat. It was a fluke accident that she got out that night and it was only for 2 hours :(
anyways, some else down the street said there cat was also killed... she didn't seem so upset about it .. Another couple said they saw 2 coyotes that night just walking down the street .... I am so paranoid about Oliver that I am constantly keeping checking his whereabouts when I'm home  and freaking out if I cant find him right away ....
Do you ever gets so mad because you do everything right ... Indoor pets, spoil them ,  love them to no end, give them the best , take them to the vet no matter the cost .. etc ... and then this happens ? The woman whose cat was also killed, she seemed to careless ....

Oliver is crying less and less which gives me mixed emotions .. Relieved that he is coping but also sad that maybe he is forgetting her .. I don't ever want her to be forgotten ...

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Lamont
It's rare to make a special connection like you did. Once in a lifetime, maybe.

I think it will take some time to recover and accept your loss. You were the best cat mom she couldve had. If life is fair, we will all see our special friends again when its our time to go. How could it be heaven without them?

Hope your days get better.

L
Bertie's Daddy
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