Have you thought about going to a support group or seeing a grief counselor? One other thing that might be helpful is reading some books on grieving. I know everyone is different and reading may not be your thing but I picked up a few books that I'm hoping will help me work through the grieving process. If you're not into reading then maybe try listening to some podcasts on grieving. I've done that too and it has helped me to more fully appreciate the fact that I am not alone and that everyone grieves differently. I know these things intellectually but it helps me to hear other people speak out loud about their loss and their grief. In the moment when I can't breathe I often feel like my pain has to be worse that what anyone else can possibly be feeling but there are millions of other people out there experiencing the same thing we are. Grief unites us all. No one can escape it. These people have somehow found a way to keep going and we can too. I don't know how to do it but look at us, we are doing it. Day by day, week by week. If you were home with Ollie all day then it is normal for you to experience the loss at an even deeper level because of the amount of time that you two spent together.
The thing I keep reading is that it is so important for us to feel the uncomfortable feelings and sit with them. Don't try to push them aside or bury them. That will only delay the healing process. If you need to cry then cry. You will always miss him but one day you will be able to look back on the happy memories and smile. I don't know how long that will take. I'm definitely not there yet but we will get there somehow. I wish there was a way to shorten the grieving period but there is just no way around grief. We just have to move through it unfortunately and it is so, so hard. Trust me, I am struggling every single day just to get through the day. Working has been a real struggle. Just be kind to yourself and know you aren't alone.
I miss you every minute of every day, my sweet baby Jasmine.