FClaire
It is nearly five weeks since we lost our beautiful boy Ollie. The days haven't got any easier, in fact harder. I'm still at the stage were I cannot believe we have lost him. I'm missing him desperately and just want him back. That's where I'm stuck at.
Everyone I talk to and what I have read, says its grief and go through it and it will become easier. I fully understand that, and do understand all my thoughts and feelings are normal during this time. My family seem to be moving forward, yes missing him terribly but doing ok. I'm the one who is struggling with it all, and crying every day. My life feels pointless without him, so empty. My days are still the same, I dont know how to change them because I don't work. Ollie was my life, from the minute we got up until we went to bed. It's so hard. Just how do I get from the point of where I am at this moment in time. I am trying what has been suggested, remembering happy times, making a memorial etc. But at the end of the day, my thoughts still come back to just wanting Ollie. Any advice please 😢😢💔💔💔
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FishChris
Hello FClaire. I wish I had some magic words to make everything better for you. Its obvious that Ollie meant a lot to you. I think everybody goes through grief and mourning in a different way. I can't promise you it will ever get "better"... but it will get "different". 
In another post here, I had mentioned that my father passed away when I was only 11yo. I'm now 55... so 44 years ago ! And guess what ? I STILL miss the heck out of him. So I guess its safe to say, "I will NEVER" be completely over that. But the difference is, that I can be in conversation with somebody, bring up my father, and not break down into tears, whereas, I can't start talking about our beautiful Sadie Mae (or even type about her I suppose.... because yes, I'm tearing up now) without breaking down. I'm sure that will ease up in time. How much time ? I'm not really sure, but I guess only time will tell.

This ^ and also, it might sound cliche, but I do truly believe that it is infinitely better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

Bless you and your furry friend Ollie 😉
Animal lover and photographer
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Jasmines_Mom
Have you thought about going to a support group or seeing a grief counselor?  One other thing that might be helpful is reading some books on grieving.  I know everyone is different and reading may not be your thing but I picked up a few books that I'm hoping will help me work through the grieving process.  If you're not into reading then maybe try listening to some podcasts on grieving.  I've done that too and it has helped me to more fully appreciate the fact that I am not alone and that everyone grieves differently.  I know these things intellectually but it helps me to hear other people speak out loud about their loss and their grief.  In the moment when I can't breathe I often feel like my pain has to be worse that what anyone else can possibly be feeling but there are millions of other people out there experiencing the same thing we are.  Grief unites us all.  No one can escape it.  These people have somehow found a way to keep going and we can too.  I don't know how to do it but look at us, we are doing it.  Day by day, week by week.  If you were home with Ollie all day then it is normal for you to experience the loss at an even deeper level because of the amount of time that you two spent together.

The thing I keep reading is that it is so important for us to feel the uncomfortable feelings and sit with them.  Don't try to push them aside or bury them.  That will only delay the healing process.  If you need to cry then cry.  You will always miss him but one day you will be able to look back on the happy memories and smile.  I don't know how long that will take.  I'm definitely not there yet but we will get there somehow.

I wish there was a way to shorten the grieving period but there is just no way around grief.  We just have to move through it unfortunately and it is so, so hard.  Trust me, I am struggling every single day just to get through the day.  Working has been a real struggle.  

Just be kind to yourself and know you aren't alone.  
I miss you every minute of every day, my sweet baby Jasmine.
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Memories_of_Marmalade


It will be 16 weeks since my cat Marmalade departed tomorrow (Thursday September 5th, 2019.) All we can do is ride it out. Ride out the grief. Continue to just travel through time. By most of the posts archived here who have lost their pets, things DO get much easier and better. But unfortunately it DOES take time.

We just need to keep breathing. We will all get through this. 

Kindest regards,
James
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FClaire
Jasmines_Mom wrote:
Have you thought about going to a support group or seeing a grief counselor?  One other thing that might be helpful is reading some books on grieving.  I know everyone is different and reading may not be your thing but I picked up a few books that I'm hoping will help me work through the grieving process.  If you're not into reading then maybe try listening to some podcasts on grieving.  I've done that too and it has helped me to more fully appreciate the fact that I am not alone and that everyone grieves differently.  I know these things intellectually but it helps me to hear other people speak out loud about their loss and their grief.  In the moment when I can't breathe I often feel like my pain has to be worse that what anyone else can possibly be feeling but there are millions of other people out there experiencing the same thing we are.  Grief unites us all.  No one can escape it.  These people have somehow found a way to keep going and we can too.  I don't know how to do it but look at us, we are doing it.  Day by day, week by week.  If you were home with Ollie all day then it is normal for you to experience the loss at an even deeper level because of the amount of time that you two spent together.

The thing I keep reading is that it is so important for us to feel the uncomfortable feelings and sit with them.  Don't try to push them aside or bury them.  That will only delay the healing process.  If you need to cry then cry.  You will always miss him but one day you will be able to look back on the happy memories and smile.  I don't know how long that will take.  I'm definitely not there yet but we will get there somehow.

I wish there was a way to shorten the grieving period but there is just no way around grief.  We just have to move through it unfortunately and it is so, so hard.  Trust me, I am struggling every single day just to get through the day.  Working has been a real struggle.  

Just be kind to yourself and know you aren't alone.  
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FClaire
Thankyou so much for replying with your comforting words, especially as you are going through it also, which I'm so sorry. I have actually taken the step this evening and contacted a counselor who I am seeing Friday. It may help it may not we will see. I'm normally a strong person, but I just feel I can't do this any longer on my own. I need to start to make some sense of it all and I just cant. Sadly there doesn't seem to be any support groups in my area. Which really surprises me. You would think there would be for the amount of people with animals and have to go through this heartbreak. Hope we can all find some peace and comfort soon xxx
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FClaire
Once again James thankyou for your support. It means a lot to me.
I am trying to keep chopping at that tree, but think now I need a little help along the way xxx
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