BorderCollieLover
Today is exactly one week since my beloved Border Collie left me. The grief is still horrible. Good thing that I work at home. I don't think that I could function at any level of competency if I worked away from home. I guess it's good to be your own boss. As I navigate through the 2nd week of this ordeal, some things have become readily apparent. I will need to really take care of myself - which I do anyway. I'm eating some now (mostly healthy food). I slept some last night (maybe, 3 hours or so) but still feel tired. Normally I'm a big exerciser but I have no desire to engage in physical workouts. Maybe next week I'll feel differently. The one thing that has really kept me going is that my friends have really been receptive to my situation. Just letting me talk about this over the phone - or in person - has been therapeutic. As much as we love our pets, it's still good to have good people contacts. I'll also be working on my journal today. which is actually a biography about my special companion. Since Shelby and I were together for a lot of years, there's a ton of good things to write. 
Jim Miller
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Bdoggie
My thoughts are with you Jim. Please share some of your stories. We'd be honored to hear about your beautiful and wonderful friend Shelby.

Bill
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BorderCollieLover
Bill:

  Thanks so much for your support. Here's a feel good story from 2003 when Shelby was (2) years old. I haven't entered it into my journal yet (still working on 2002) but I think people will enjoy it. 

We've all heard about the "off the charts" energy level of Border Collies. It is no myth or hyperbole. It's very real. Shelby was riding with me in my car in a residential area of our town. I had the windows lowered about 3/4 of the way since it was a warm Fall day. We were in a school zone so I had lowered my speed to approx. 20 mph. I noticed that there was a woman walking her dog on her left side. It was a small dog (A Bichon, possibly) In any event, Shelby had that little dog locked onto her radar screen, What happened next is incredible. This little dog had so incensed Shelby that she took a running leap (she was sitting on the front seat on the passenger side) up past me and in a one fell swoop dove out out the window. Please keep in mind that my car was going about 20 mph. I immediately stopped my car and jumped out to see if Shelby was OK. She was still upright and growling at the little dog. The woman came running out into the street and yelled "OMG, is your dog okay?" Shelby was perfectly fine. Not a scratch on her. Completely unscathed. I think what made it okay is that Border Collies have that amazing balance. One of the reasons they excel in agility, flyball and frisbee playing.  They seem to be able to stop on a dime. I was completely relieved. Why did she do this? I think it's the herding instinct. BC"s just want to maintain control and this was her way of showing it. In any event, I never wanted a repeat performance. I kept my car windows up much higher - just  in case. Such a beautiful memory of my little girl. She was so special. 


Jim



Jim Miller
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MissingScooty
What a great memory Jim. Thanks for sharing. I had a rat terrier that passed about a year and a half ago. He too was a bundle of energy - even at age 12, 13! People would ask me "how old is your puppy?"  Anyway, the first few weeks are brutal pain wise. For me it was months. My thoughts are with you.
Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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BorderCollieLover
Melissa (MissingScooty):

  Thanks for your support. Sounds like your Rat Terrier was a very energetic dog too. I'm sure he stole your heart. So sorry about his passing. Yes this past week has been brutal. My whole world got turned upside down and it hurts bad. I'm trying to stay focused and busy but it's not easy. 
Jim Miller
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Indi_love19
Dear Jim,
Thank you for sharing your update as you enter your 2nd week without Shelby. It has been 4 horrendous days for me since Indi died. Like you, I am focusing on the small but important things I can do today. Food. Hydration. A shower. Something outdoors. None of it I want to do really, but forcing it.
I appreciate your perspective on working from home. Yesterday was my first day at work, without her here. She was my by side all day. Needless to say, working yesterday felt near impossible. And it is hard for me to be in this house without her. But I see the benefit too of not having to be out in public and required to fully function. I couldn't do it, either.
I also find myself talking to everyone and anyone who will listen. It keeps me grounded in reality and helps with a big picture perspective, esp when I want to wallow in guilt.
meghan kenney
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Bdoggie
Jim, what a wonderful story. Another thing about Border Collies, is they are fearless. I've always loved Border Collies, but didn't have the time to devote to such a high energy furbaby.

I like to call them furbabies because to say dog or cat, doesn't credit them with the special place they have in our lives and hearts. I can tell you are a good man and love your furbabies more than words can describe.

I also want to say thank you for your kind words and support. And please, more stories.😉

My thoughts,
Bill
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BorderCollieLover
Meghan:

 Your kind words are very touching and much needed right now. I am doing the same as you, reaching out to as many people as possible. Most have been very supportive and understanding. There's always going to be a few that - for various reasons - can't handle your grief. They just can't - or won't - be there for you. I'm actually OK with that. I realize that they may be going through something themselves (money hardships, relationship problems, personal health problems, depression.anxiety, etc). I have chosen to forgive those that won't be there for me. Forgiving them doesn't let them off the hook - it lets you off the hook. I think the grieving process will go much better without holding grudges. As far as keeping up with day to day activities, it's been a challenge. Yes, I'm eating but not like before. I did sleep a little last night but I'm still feeling totally burned out. As far as working out, I'm not ready to do that yet. Maybe, later on. Last night I was watching Monday Night Football. Normally, I look forward to football. Now, I could care less. Seemed very meaningless. I did get invited to go out for breakfast with one of my friends but I just don't want to do that right now. My social life is being put on hold for now. 
I know that you miss your beloved Indi so much. She was your special companion while you were working at home. I am experiencing the exact same thing. Very lonely here. Just trying to keep it together. This Forum has really helped. 

Jim




Jim Miller
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BorderCollieLover
Bill:

  Yes, Border Collies are a unique breed. Tons of energy, lots of smarts and an unwavering desire to please their human counterpart. Fur Babies is a very good description of our (4) legged friends. I also like to call them "Our (4) legged anti-depressants." If you own a Border Collie you're probably always going to have good emotional health. I know I did. I will post more stories on my beloved baby. Thanks so much for your positive feedback.

Jim
Jim Miller
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Indi_love19
Jim,
I understand about supports. It's true, not everyone can say what we're needing to hear, and it's ok. I am intentionally seeking out people I know whose lives revolve or semi-revolve around their pets : ) I had one of the best conversations with the owner of the cremation service I took Indi to, when I picked her ashes up yesterday. Of course, she's an animal lover and has her own story of loss. Also, I re-connected with a cousin who lives in another part of the country who I haven't spoken with for years. I just knew she'd understand.
Like you, everything feels pretty meaningless and I have nothing to look forward to, and am not really seeking out something to look forward to. My take on that is that grief work is very taxing, very hard work. As much as we are seeking to maintain connections with others for support, there's a part of me that just has to stay inwardly focused right now. I certainly can't take on others' trials and tribulations at the moment. If they start in about it, I can't even respond. Not that I don't care, but I literally shut down. At the same time, I dread being alone...
I'm not sleeping well at all either, and while some people seem to do ok with that, I turn psychotic. I know I can cope better if/when I have good sleep. Keep giving yourself credit for the things you're doing good for yourself today--some food, some sleep, talking with friends, talking here. That's all that's required of you right now.
meghan kenney
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Bdoggie
Jim, I agree with Meghan. Sometimes all we can do is put one foot in front of another. That includes trying to do the basic things we need to do, sleep, eat, take your meds if needed and give your self time to heal. Your girl Shelby would want that.

I don't worry about people, who don't understand. I feel sorry for them for never feeling that love we share with our " (4) legged anti-depressants".😉 I also agree that holding a grudge, serves no useful purpose. Reaching out helps you connect with people, who are suffering a shared traumatic loss. Helps you feel a little less alone......

Thank you Jim for sharing........
Bill
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BorderCollieLover
Bdoggie:

  Thank You for your support. Yes, it seems that just trying to maintain the basic necessities of our own personal care is a challenge now. I am doing that but it is difficult - especially the sleep part. I am sleeping for a few hours here and there but I really miss a good night's rest. I know eventually that will come as I've been here before but it's really tough. Typically, I'm a big exerciser but it may be some time before I resume that part of my life. Exercise does work. It helps me relax. Just can't get motivated to do it now. 

Jim
Jim Miller
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