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H3ath3rmd

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Reply with quote  #1 
On Tuesday it will be 9 months ago that I had to do the same as most of you did after learning your furbaby has cancer...and In all honesty I am no better today then I was then...The only thing better is that Ive learned not show the hurt and sadness Im really feeling inside. Ive shared with only 2 (my ex and boss) how guilty I feel. And everything I thought I did right is now a question in my head "What IF.. ?"...I thought I covered everything I crossed my "T"s and dotted my "I"s..on everything so I'd have no doubt that when it became time to PTS, it was because nothing else could be done so it would be the best thing for HER.. I got Alize in 2008...she was actually my daughter's 15th bday present...she loved dogs and her favorite breed was Australian Shepherd. She's obsest with animal and all I heard was aussie this and aussie that and she searched online from one everyday ....with no luck finding any...I LET her pick a lab puppy from my sister's litter when school was out for summer...well summer ended and back to school for her and I felt bad leaving the Lab we named Kahlua home alone....and Hayleys bday was the end of July...AND FINALLY she found someone on Craigslist giving away aussie puppies....I told her no and off to her dad's for the weekend and I called....i drove over a hour away and got lost. The owners had sold the rest of the litter for $300 each ...there was 2 left and desperate to get rid of them because they were leaving on vacation in the morning. She told me I could have it for free if I'd take it...SO I took them both:) plan was to let Hayley pick and rehome the other...well she picked Brandy and I couldn't get rid of Alize so she became mine. My life is a rollercoaster and Alize was happy to ride it with me...good and bad happy and sad that girl was with me. I had a friend foster my dogs almost a year when I was caring for my mom who was dying of cancer...but I went out to visit and supplied all the food and took her back before the others..she was my girl!! She loved me soo much...sometimes she didn't want to leave my side...my daughter would call her and Alize would turn her head and not look at her...i think she thought if she couldn't see my kid then my kid couldn't see her. lol Twice I took her to the vet for limping...once when she was about 6 almost 7...vet called me surprised and told me Alize had diabeties....she was such a good dog She was easy to give the insulin shots too and the diabeties were easy to control...as I didn't miss a dosage too then yr later limping again....sent to a specialist this time....results CANCER! 60 days is what they said she would have at best before she needed to be pts. she didn't act different she just didn't use her one back leg anymore. She was diagnosed with a NERVE SHEATH TUMOR. A cancer tumor on the sciatic nerve growing up her spine:( Her birthday was 2 months away and I wondered will she make it to 8yrs old. She did! And so every milestone over the next yr I was happy but sad because I knew it would be the last....Her 1 yr diagnosed annivarsary she still acted the same as the day i took her in...the only thing changed is she couldnt get up the stairs anymore so i carried her up to my apartment 4 to 6 times a day from her going out to potty....and she was 65lbs to start. She had already lost 30lbs from getting her diabeties under control...And continued to lose weight over time from thw cancer too. about a month later she started to slow down she would take breaks and laydown coming back inside or not play with the other dogs around...nothing major but yet big difference...she soon celebrated her 9th birthday AND it was like that's what she was waiting for cuz it all happened pretty fast the next day she was peeing more not eating much but was acting off...took her to the vet...thought maybe uti or diabetes is off maybe she just had the flu or something so the vet tested her for everything that she could I needed to know if it was something pertaining to the cancer or if it was something fixable and unfortunately I got the news that it was the cancer. It was spreading there was nothing left to do for her except for just take her home and love her. We all knew the day would come where I would have to make the call and let them know that I would need to bring her in and now we knew that that day wasnt far away. I know I took her to the vet on a Tuesday no change in her really for Wednesday and Thursday but Friday when I came home from work she wouldn't eat I couldn't give her her medicine her insulin and every time she tried to move anywhere she would literally poop everywhere it just ran out of her and this dog had not pooped in the house since the two days after I got her. she wouldn't even poop on the balcony because she thought that was part of the house so you can imagine how she felt the look in her eyes was just heartbreaking so I just sat on the floor with her she laid in my lap all night I pet her and I talked to her and I stayed up I did not sleep. she seemed comfortable she wasn't suffering she wasn't in any pain because she was able to take her pain medicine earlier so I let her rest and in the morning when the Vets open I called them right away and they told me I could bring her in at any time so I did I called my daughter and she came over and picked us up. and I sat with her as she went to sleep....i left right away. 5 DAYS after her 9th bday... May 6 2017 was the worst day of my life. I now realize how much I needed her...she was who I talked to she kept me home out of trouble she took up my time and my money and I would gladly do it again just to have her back. Im lost without her. I cry and cry it's so quiet and my brain just replays and wonders and what if I missed something what if I gave her The golden paste.. would I still have her?? so many questions soo much loneliness soo much love no where to go. When i picked up that lil butterball of the dirty porch in the desert and brought her home I never imagined the bond we would have. I miss her sooo much. I lost other pets before but this one was different. I knew I'd be upset but I didn't know the pain would be like this...i can't even describe it sometimes.....it just sucks! I was advised to get another dog I need something to do and my mind somewhere to focus....i have been seeing what's out there but Im afraid whatever I get won't be as good as Alize was...and really the prices people and even rescues are asking are outrageous...i think that's a sign maybe I shouldn't get one....idk. I just know Im miserable without my shadow my sidekick my bestie my baby my princess.. RIP Alize I'll see you again someday...
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H3ath3rmd

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Reply with quote  #2 
Today's my birthday I tried adopting another Aussie from the shelter yesterday and the dog is reserved for someone else....anyway I've never felt so alone in my life....nothing seems right since my doggie passed....i just want to go hold my doggie ....pet her again and have her paw at me for my attention.....:(
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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #3 
I’m so sorry about your Alize. My dog had cancer too and I know how devastating it is. The loss of them does leave such an empty hole in our hearts and homes. Take the time you need to grieve. Don’t rush yourself to adopt another until it seems right. Continue talking to others about your Alize, it helps with the loneliness.
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Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Melk

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Reply with quote  #4 
I’m so sorry to read your story. I feel like the most special ones come to us when we aren’t expecting it, just like when you first got her. That’s what happened with me, I wasn’t looking for a doggy but then I saw a dog injured on the side of the road and we had an instant connection.

I think that just means that the one you saw at the shelter wasn’t the one meant for you, I hope your next dodgy finds you soon so you can share your love again.
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