Danagray
Today I had to have my dog euthanasized ,she was fine last week and now one week later she is in renal failure ; I didn’t see the signs , I loved my little girl . Iam a 50 yr old grown man , and have experienced many deaths of loved ones , but this one is too much to bare , I’ve never been this upset in my life . Is this normal?
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Hi Dana,

I am so sorry to learn of you recent loss.

Yes. It is evidently normal. I am a 57 year old man and lost my cat after putting him down 11 weeks ago this week. And I am still grieving. I am also still breaking down crying at random. And I am more sorrow filled than for losing any family member, friend or colleague during my lifetime.

My cat was my "Spirit Animal." Our bond was on a level deeper than with most humans I have known. It is obvious that your little girl was your "Spirit Animal too." The level of our love, results in the level of our grief.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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Jan_H
I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet pup. It is normal to be upset and full of grief. People here understand. When/if you are ready, it can help to share pictures and stories.

My condolences,
Jan
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jerigraehl
I lost my very very much loved Tonkinese cat Khaomanee 12 days ago. It was also sudden to some extent. I feel especially regretful that I did not, in hindsight, see the extent of his ilness early on.  I am so sorry for your loss. I am so traumatized by the last hour I spent with Khaomanee and feeling the life leave him while I held him. Immediately I felt an overwhelming sense that I should have waited another day or two to see if he could get better. Due to how sick he was and also his age - he just turned 15 - I chose  to let him go.  I felt my heart shatter. I have had one other experience of holding a pet while he was euthanized and it was terribly painful. Literally the most painful thing I have ever been through. I wanted them to feel fully loved as they transitioned into heaven. I belive this is where your precious little dog is. I bought a book called 'Imagine Heaven' by John Burke a few days after losing Khaomanee. It felt like I was sort of led to it as I saw it in a store that did not even sell books. It was a hobby store I went in to take my mind off of my loss and it just happend to be on a shelf next to the cash register. It may help you to read it. It is about near death experiences people have had and also brings scripture into it. I don't know your beliefs.... I think we will see our beloved pets again and in a place far far better than this evil world. They will be young and whole again as will we. Love never dies and energy does not either - it just changes form. All we have is hope. I chose hope. Otherwise the lose would kill  me.  I feel so much grief, regret, responsibility.... Grief is not liniar and we just cycle in and out of all the phases. We are both in the early stages. Every where I look I am reminded of him. I was only apart from Khaomanee maybe 4 nights in all the 15 years we had together. I miss him so much. Also when I got him I had put a deposit down prior to losing my Cat Angel to a fibrosarcoma due to a rabies shot at age 13. I was so devested ( and felt responsible allowing the vet to give it to him as an indoor only cat who got out of the house for 3 days - the vet insisted he "could have been bitten by a bat while out"). Khaomanee opened and expanded my heart to love him within 24 hours of bringing him home at 4 mo old.  I totally believe in rescue vs buying a pet. I rescued Angel and also my current cat Sugar Bear who is 14. She is helping me so much to bear this loss.  I in no way think that just getting a new pet is a way of 'replacing' the unique and special bond of a lost pet. I felt like I would not even be able to love another after the loss. I was very surprised. I had had time to contemplate losing Angel for a few months and he was 13 which was a fairly long life. I had also adopted Khaomanee due to not wanting my other Cat - age 12 - to be alone. Horrifically I lost him the same month unexpectedly in a terrible way. So Khaomanee was a real life saver under all the circumstances. The grief of losing both my pets so close together really destroyed me. I brought Khaomanee home two months later. So now I am grieving again. I am not ready to adopt again this time. Circumstances are different. And I have Sugar Bear still. I am so afraid of losing her though. I know something can happen suddenly at 14years. I am just telling you my story to let you know that sometimes the heart can expand again after a loss when you can't imagine it . I don't feel like that could happen right now myself - but since it happend before there is still hope. I am a woman but the same age as you. And single so my relationship with my pets is extreemly close. I totally understand how devestated you are. I am so very sorry. Jeri
jerigraehl
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jerigraehl
I just wrote you. But did not address your question about being in so much pain and asking if it is normal. YES it is normal. I literally felt my heart shatter as the life left my pets body during euthanasia. I was absolutely sobbing into his fur and it traumatized me terribly. But I had to be there for him. I went through euthanasia one other time. The difference was that at least I had time to prepare in that I knew it was coming. 12 days ago I was not expecting it at all. Just like you it was sudden. He just got very very sick over night. The pain in the first few days is truely terrible and all I did was cry and scond guess everything. I went on here and did the monday candle light vigil. I wrote in as I am doing right now to connect with others who are feeling the same devastation. And I made a memorial with his ashes, pictures and candles to honor his life. This site really helped me. I got some kind responses and the whole community is very supportive. All we can do is wait for the pain to get better. I know it comes in waves and just when you think you have a grip you lose it. Your little dog knows how much you loved- love her. She has a spirit and I hope you can hang onto believing you will someday be reunited. I wish I could say something that would alleviate your pain. These are just thoughts and my experiences. I am only a few days ahead of you. I can say the uncontrollable sobbing has gotten better. Now it is just silent tears that flood out at random. I did not eat for 5 days and I drank a lot of wine. So pretty much anything beyond that was improvement. The first week is the hardest. Nothing is worse than the first day and week. Jeri
jerigraehl
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Danagray
Thank you all for your kindness
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Danagray
I’m lying here in bed awake unable to sleep , I just keep playing it over and over in my mind, was there more I could have done , should I have puck d her up and held her one more time . The grief is suffocating me . I know I did the right thing , Thunny was in renal failure and barely functioning. She wouldn’t eat or drink and did nothing but vomit and poop blood. It’s so heartbreaking seeing her suffer . Thank you all so much for helping me deal with our loss, this community is so thoughtful and caring . I wish I could hug you all so tight right now . The love we have for our pets is so profound . I hope we all find peace
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Danagray,

I opted not to pick-up my little boy again at his end, prior to having him put to sleep, as I was so, so worried about his internal organs and what kind of pain or distress he might have been in at the time. So I just gently pet him.

Yes, you did everything you possibly could do for your beloved pup. That much is obvious. 

They say: 

"When we agree to show our beloved pets mercy and end their pain & suffering, we then agree to take their pain & suffering onto ourselves. We transfer their pain & suffering into our own bodies. We absorb it. And then we process it, through our grief. That is the bargain that we made." 

This is what many of us here are feeling, including yourself. And the key to the grief process is "time."

Kind regards,
James
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Lrogers424
Hi Danagray,

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is so heartbreaking to lose such a sweet and loving companion and making the decision to end their suffering seems to compound the grief.  I, too, had to make that terrible decision over a year ago.  I do relive that day, each moment, but also I remember to sweet and wonderful 9 years I had with my companion.   I knew it was my duty and promise to my girl to hold and comfort her until her last breath.  I am so glad I was with her and hope my presence was a comfort to her.

I think what James quoted is exactly right:

"When we agree to show our beloved pets mercy and end their pain & suffering, we then agree to take their pain & suffering onto ourselves. We transfer their pain & suffering into our own bodies. We absorb it. And then we process it, through our grief. That is the bargain that we made."

After we got our girl's terminal and devastating diagnosis I told my husband that I would take any pain if I could spare our Daisy one moment of hers.

You are feeling so much grief because you loved so much. Take care and time for yourself to fully process your loss.  We understand your pain here and are ALWAYS willing to listen and understand. 


Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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Danagray
Hi everyone, it has been a week since my wife and I let our beloved yorkie find peace . It has been the most difficult time of my life . I cried on some days , cried much more on others . I miss her dearly .
This group has helped us with the grieving process and iam so thankful for each of your kind responses, it warms my heart to know that there are people like yourselves out there that would take the time to comfort a complete stranger in a time of grief.
I’d like to share with you a little of Thunny’s story if you don’t mind
Thunny arrived I in our loving family 9 yrs ago , I could hold her in palm of my hand , she was the runt of the litter but you couldn’t tell from looking . We loved her instantly . She came into our lives right at the exact time we needed her , my wife and I weren’t getting along so well and things were strained in our lives. Thunny soon changed all that . Of course we took care of the usual treatments , spayed , teeth, flea and tick control . We always set limits ... if this dog gets hurts or if she gets sicks ; no more than a 1000 dollars Dana ... I can hear my wife saying . Of course I had no intention of lacing a dollar value on my little girl .i would go broke if it meant we could keep her alive.
Our dog was an indoor dog , a bit of a diva you could say . I guess most yorkies are. She hated to pee outdoors so we used a puppy training pad instead . She used it for both functions till the day the day she left us . She lloved people and especially little round donuts, , you know the kind you might find at Tin Hortons .
She hated other dogs , she wanted us all to her self . Each evening she would jump in my chair ... wait I digress I would pick her up and put her in my chair ; she never jumped anywhere ... some yorkie huh???. There she would stay until bed time , then she would fall asleep beside us in her doggie bed , snoring louder than a drunken sailor .
She had a great life with us , iam so glad I got to spend a decade of our lives sharing it with her . I’m growing sad again and beginning to weep , I’ll continue this another time
Much love friends
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Lrogers424
Hi Dana,

I am so sorry that you are having a rough time.  I loved your story of your Thunny; she sounded like a spunky little gal with a big personality!  She was a lucky girl to have such a devoted Dad and Mom and you did give her a wonderful life. There is something so special when you share your life with a furry companion.  They love without pause or judgement without pretense or deception. 

I remember those first days, weeks and months after my Daisy died were horrible. Letting her go was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I have not really told many people this but I even had this fantasy that the vet merely sedated her to try some miracle cure (but did not want to get my hope up in case it failed) and when I went to pick up her ashes instead there she would be; feather tail wagging and wiggling about.  I know it sounds foolish, but my heart broke again when I carried ashes home and not my girl.  I swore for months that she was just around the corner and I could just glimpse her tail or I would see a flash in the yard and swear it was her.  Even today, I still feel her with me sometimes. 

About 4 months after our loss, I was suffering a deep depression and I knew I needed another companion.  After many failed attempts, we adopted our little "8-week-old-4-pounds-of-fluff" Luna.  It was probably the second hardest thing I've done...letting myself love another dog.  It took time to bond and I think my husband, who was not in favor of getting another dog, is finally coming around a bit after 10 months.  But Luna is a joy and about to turn 1 year.  She and I are now completely devoted to one another.  I love getting out of bed each morning to see her little face and, now that my kids are all grown, she gives me a purpose.  Training her has been an amazing experience and she is actually working to be a therapy dog as she has such a great personality.  While Daisy was a little bit like your Thunny; devoted to my husband and I, liked our kids and coolly polite other dogs, Luna is a social butterfly adoring everyone and wanting to befriend every 4 legged creature (canine, feline and others...).  Our 15 year old cat is still adjusting to bubbly little Luna!

All I can tell you is that time does help.  Face all your grief and share it with your wife, friends and folks on this forum.  Some people will not understand the depth of your loss, they did not in my case, claiming Daisy was "just a dog".  But she was not.  She was my companion, family, baby and dearest friend.

Take good care of yourself.


 
Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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