I am so sorry for your loss. It is so heartbreaking to lose such a sweet and loving companion and making the decision to end their suffering seems to compound the grief. I, too, had to make that terrible decision over a year ago. I do relive that day, each moment, but also I remember to sweet and wonderful 9 years I had with my companion. I knew it was my duty and promise to my girl to hold and comfort her until her last breath. I am so glad I was with her and hope my presence was a comfort to her. I think what James quoted is exactly right:
"When we agree to show our beloved pets mercy and end their pain & suffering, we then agree to take their pain & suffering onto ourselves. We transfer their pain & suffering into our own bodies. We absorb it. And then we process it, through our grief. That is the bargain that we made." After we got our girl's terminal and devastating diagnosis I told my husband that I would take any pain if I could spare our Daisy one moment of hers. You are feeling so much grief because you loved so much. Take care and time for yourself to fully process your loss. We understand your pain here and are ALWAYS willing to listen and understand.
Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom