lozensa
I just lost my precious Sindar yesterday after sharing over 13 years together. She was absolutely fine, her normal annoying, adorable, loving self up through Monday night. I woke up on Tuesday and realized, after getting ready for work first, that she was breathing heavily. I called the vet for an apt a few hours later and called in sick to work. I spent most of the morning with my baby Sindar. While she seemed in distress if she laid down, and she seemed tired sitting up, she was eased and comforted when she laid down with her hind legs on the floor and her fore legs and head on my thigh. She even purred for awhile, giving me comfort as well. However, on the way to the vet she coughed up some fluids, gave out a cry and died. My greatest sorrow is that she was not in my arms when she passed. I mostly believe that if I had insisted that the vet see us sooner she would have died sooner, from the stress of the car ride, or at the vet, which she hated even more than the car.

It was just so sudden.

I have great friends and family who have been a support, but I can't seem to get it out in spoken words without the tears overtaking me. I dread going back to work and the comfort everyone will give. I'll fall apart, which I hate to do at work.

But everything I do brings up wonderful, bitter sweet memories of my angel kitty. My other cat, Adara, has been a solace to me and has not left my side. She's tolerating all my love, affection, tears and brushings. Yet I worry for her too as she is 16 and on medicine and a special diet for her kidneys (unlike Sindar who was healthy). While my cats weren't close, Sindar would as soon as hiss at anyone other than me touching her, Adara also seems to be grieving.

I found this sight after I saw the sign outside the exam room at the vet, where they let me be with Sindar's body and say goodbye. The sign let others know we were walking the rainbow bridge. I have posted a page for Sindar, in her memory and my love. I also had a private memorial ritual this morning for Sindar, for just me and Adara. These safe places, I hope, are giving my the time and space to grieve and heal.

The attached picture, if it worked, was taken just this past weekend.
Quote 0 0
judylinn

I'm so sorry for your loss. it's hard to bear. Sometimes animals don't always show us how sick they are. Your Adara will also be grieving too. I think it helps to just talk to them. We will be here to support you through this.  Judy

Quote 0 0
Aikilts

I am sorry for your loss. I also had 2 pets 1 we knew was sick the other had problems but we did not think she would pass she collasped sunday we did a fluid tap to try to relieve her for she had a tumor we were unaware of we brought her home and took her back on tuesday to have her put to sleep we fear our other lab who has a growth will not be far behind. This is tough and hard to deal with words are hard to be spoken hope you find comfort here it is working for me.

Quote 0 0
lozensa
Thank you for your support. I too feel the love and comfort found on this site to be a blessing that eases, even just a little, the lose I am struggling with. I know I grieve for me and that she is in a place so much better, it is up to us left behind to learn to continue to live without the shining hearts by are side each day.
Quote 0 0
donnalee
lozensa,
I'm so glad to hear you have support from friend and family.  Not everyone has that so you are fortunate in that regard.   Like you, I had very caring co-workers and that was so nice.  However, it was just as you say, it kept me in tears as everyone came in to give a hug or words of support.    I had worked with some of these people for over 15 years and they had never seen me cry.....but,  I more than made up for lost time.
You have such a good understanding of things and a healthy attitude and that will go a long way in helping you to grieve.  I wish you well and will keep you in my prayers.   
Quote 0 0
terasfortoby
Lozensa,
I am truly sorry for your beautiful Sindar. It is very very hard - especially since she has been your friend and family for so many years, and the suddenness of it is jolting.  To know how quickly an animal may be ill, with just a brief onset of symptoms is not possible.  Your love and compassion was felt by her I am sure, I am so sorry she was not in your arms, but I am sure she knew your deep love for her.

Many blessings to you,
Cathy

Quote 0 0
Velbud

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Stay close to this forum.  I didn't find it until my beloved furbaby had been in Rainbow Bridge for 11 weeks.  It's been comforting to come to this forum to know that others are feeling what I'm feeling.  Just know that you did what was right for Sindar.  The coming weeks and months will be very difficult, but at least we have each other for support. 

Quote 0 0
niki
So sorry to hear about the loss of your precious Sindar, i was so sad to read your post
i lost my black cat Mint age 13 last year and 13 years is a long time, the missing is unbearable.
i too have another, they were twins, i could not have coped without Ocelot(now 14),
it is to me the worse pain in life to lose a beloved pet----they are truly your best friends and baby all in one
i am so sorry to hear it was so sudden.
I have experienced losing a cat suddenly(my first cat) it was hell.
Little Mint had cancer-bless her and i nursed her for 6 weeks and never left her side and was with her to say goodbye
both passings are as painful as each other
just take care and give your other fur baby all the love you can, i am sure you already do...
take care
Niki
Quote 0 0
niki
PS
THE PHOTO OF SINDAR IS SO BEAUTIFUL
NIKI
Quote 0 0
missyou
lozensa,
I am so very sad for you. There are no words I can say that will take away your pain. Please know I feel your pain and You are in my thoughts and prayers. I miss my Moses very much and through this site I know I am not alone. 
Quote 0 0
lozensa
Thank you to everyone who has commented. I've been coasting this past week, focusing on work crises to avoid my personal ones. I've spent a lot of time with my other, beloved cat Adara, which is and has been a comfort. And I've felt my Sindar's presence, which also eases my heart if only a little. And I was doing okay, I was almost staying afloat in the ebbs and flows of grief. This evening, however, I got the call from the vet that my Sindar's ashes are ready. And the grief is back to that sharp, raw ache of a shattered heart and I haven't even gone back to pick them up. Back to where I said goodbye to her body. I think I was starting to remember the joy she was alive and well, and I had some peace in that. Now I'm back to remembering that horrible day of loss and it hurts so very much all over again. Thank you for this place of comfort and support. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone else as they too find themselves in this ocean of loss. Just knowing that there are others who understand helps tremendously (at least some of the time.)
Quote 0 0
donnalee
Yes, lonzensa, it doesn't help one to feel any better, but I want you to know that your response is completely normal.  The call about the ashes, going to pick them up, is so traumatic.  I think everybody here who has already received that call and made that trip remembers that day vividly.  Many of us took some time in between the call and actually going.  I know it took me a while to muster up the strength to do it.  It was very, very difficult.  It brings you back emotionally to that final day.  All the memories come flooding back.  All I can tell you is that, for me, it was tearful beyond description, I couldn't even speak.  I stayed outside in my car for over 30 minutes trying to stop crying just so I could go in.  It was all I could do to go in, pay, and get out.  YET, after I got him home with me again, I felt better.  Even though I know his living spirit/soul is not in that little box, just to have what remains of him physically back with me, gave me some comfort and peace.  
I'm sorry you are having to go through another sad and painful wave.   This is like another step we have to go through and it isn't easy.   Just know we DO understand and our hearts are with you.  I'm so sorry lorensa for your heartache.
Quote 0 0