Tallulahs_mom
I don’t know where to begin and the story is long..but my sweet pup is 12 and has been ill with pancreatitis her second time in 3 months. Last week we had an ultrasound and they found a tumor on her liver. She has had a rough week and yesterday we made the agonizing to let her go today.

Our vet is coming to the house this evening. I have held her all day.. I know this is the best decision for our girl, but I am so heartbroken and I just feel so devastated and heartbroken.
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Laura,

I am so very sorry for your recent loss. I too felt I had to make that final choice and end my beloved's pain & suffering. It was believed he was around 13 years old. He was an orange & white Tabby cat named "Marmalade." Although he was deaf, and had a history of chronic health problems, from having been a stray cat until around 9 years old, when I started to try and help him, he was noble & true. He had been the KING of a colony of feral and stray cats in New Mexico where our paths crossed over 850 miles away. 

There is a saying shown below, that has brought me some comfort and helped me to heal somewhat. I hope it comforts you too and helps you to heal:

"When we show our pets mercy, and agree to end their pain & suffering, we than take their pain & suffering onto ourselves. We transfer it to ourselves. We absorb it. And then we process their pain & suffering through our grief. This is the bargain we make."

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences.
James
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Tallulahs_mom
I am so sorry for your loss James. I can’t imagine the hole in your heart. I am so distraught and second guessing. I know deep in my heart that she isn’t going to get better. The vet said he wouldn’t recommend surgery due to her age and history. She was told two weeks ago that she had the pancreatitis and last Monday they said her labs weren’t any better. So they wanted to do the ultrasound and that is when the tumor was found. She is a 20 pound dog and her weight has depleted to 15 pounds (last week). I know she’s not getting better, I just don’t know how to feel ok with this decision.
Laura
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Laura,

I (like so many of the compassionate, understanding, caring, empathetic, sincere, wise, kind and loving members here, who have helped me to survive) completely understand your feelings. From what I have read and learned here, and on other pet grief forums, and via essays, blogs, websites and comments etc. is "There is no right decision."

Each of us is going to suffer with grief and sorrow, no matter what course of action we take or took, in the end. Then there is the endless 2nd guessing, the guilt, the regret, the remorse, the anger, the denial, the frustration etc. It's unfortunately all part of the grieving process. The process of taking our pet's pain & suffering onto ourselves and then processing it through our grief. It is a form of transferred, negative energy. I suppose that is the only way for us to process it, through this agonizing, anxiety inducing, living nightmare.

FYI I opted to move forward with 2 individual surgeries for cat "Marmalade." It was a concentrated treatment for around 60 days. I took him to 4 local vets over 1 year, for 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. He went to the Vet's 13 times in 90 days. Had many examinations. Was administered many medications. He had blood work (including to an outsourced lab), Ultrasound, X-rays and STILL he did not make it through okay. "One treatment triggered another" as some Vet's have said.

As you may know, the average life-span of a considerably sized dog is only 10 years in the wild. That is their normal lifespan. We automatically extend the natural lifespan of our pets, simply by providing them with shelter (from natural predators and the weather / elements), regular food & fresh water, occasional trips to the Vets and possible medication(s) and our love & affection (which is good for their well-being.) So your pup has already been bonused with at least an additional 2 years. And that would be if it was around a 60 LBS dog. You DID extend your dog's lifetime with all that you provided her. Be mindful of that fact and know that you honored her and took good care of her.

All we can do is take things one moment at a time, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, night by night, week by week and month by month, and for some yes, even year by year, and allow our built-in healing mechanisms to do their work. It is each of our birthright. We were all born with an incredibly designed and engineered, automatic healing mechanism. And that mechanism uses time to slowly rebuild us. Including our minds, bodies and yes...even our spirit's. We all must be gentle with ourselves during this process. Every single minute we live through, is one minute closer to our healing. Simply by allowing ourselves to survive, and continue to live, we are all healing.

You are not alone. We are all in this together and we are going to get through our grief and survive. And then all we shall predominately remember are the very best, the most fun, the happiest, the most cherished & favorite memories of our beloved's that we have lost. All of the research and statistics point to this eventual outcome. We just need to soldier on. One step at a time...

Kind regards,
James
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Tallulahs_mom
James,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. You’re words have brought me comfort. Thank you for making me feel not alone in this. We have many family and friends who have reached out but they don’t know how terrible this feels.
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Jan_H
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. It is very difficult to make that final decision for our pet. But when there is nothing ahead but pain and suffering it is the right decision to make. Last month I made that decision to say good bye to my sweet boy Jagger. Like you I decided to say good bye at home and spent the last day with him, doing my best to make his last day a good one. It was agonizing counting down the hours and then the minutes to the time the vet would arrive. But he went peacefully at home with me petting him and telling him how much I loved him.

My condolences,
Jan
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Hi Laura,

Yes. That is why many of us come here vs. communicating with family members, friends, neighbors and co-workers. Most people simply do not understand the depth of our grief and sorrow.

But we should feel sorry for all of those people, who have never truly found, nor bonded with their "Spirit Animal" the way many of us here have. : )

There is more comfort with that fact.

James
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