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codysmum102
I know what you mean when you say, "my heart feels like a dead weight at times."  That is exactly the way mine feels too more often than not lately.  For some reason this month, especially the last couple days, has been really hard.  A lot of crying and longing to be with my little man again.  It is so very hard so I try not to think about how I will never see him again here on earth because when I do I just want to break down.  I pray that we will both see our babies again in a better place where we will all be healthy and happy forever.
Take care,
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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BorderCollieLover
Angelina:

Your most recent post was so eloquently stated. I was deeply moved by your genuine, uncompromising love for Daisy. Many people may say that those of us who still carry a torch for our beloved pets after they are gone have not moved on - and need to do so. I never subscribed to that theory. We will all get on with our lives but with the caveat that our beloved pets will accompany us, albeit in spirit, along the way. Like you with your Daisy, I will always love and cherish my Shelby. She wasn't just my dog - she was my Soul Mate. 

Fondly,
Jim
Jim Miller
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chilover
Runningman66

Thankyou so much and I am so sorry for your loss too. I hope that you continue to post on this forum as it will help you on your grieving journey. It has helped so so many of us. It is a wonderful support network. We are all in this together and support you. Be gentle with yourself.

Daisy's mummy
Angelina 
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chilover
Julie.

Thankyou. I hope that our beloved pets are waiting for us and are playing together. Thanx to all of the wonderful memories that we shared with them we can think of them and smile..
Thinking of you.

Jim
Thankyou so much. I like to write, it helps me.
Unfortunately so many non pet people just don't get it & seem to think there is a time limit for grief. It takes time for the heart to heal.
Hugs

Angelina 
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chilover
My sweet little angel in disguise, my one, my "Daisy"!

Well today it has been 11 months & there has been more tears...I miss you so much my little sausage, mummy's twinkle eyed princess, tea loving, sweet, funny, gentle, beautiful little baby Daisy...That was always your nick name "baby Daisy". You were like a little baby...My heart still bleeds for you & I am a lost soul without you. I wander around but feel like my soul has left my body, I just walk....I see dogs & puppies everywhere & wish I  could just hold you again & watch you walk ahead of me on your extended lead, full of the Joys of spring in the fresh air walking & looking so confident & regal. I look at your corner where you once used to be & I cry because you are no longer there, sleeping & looking so cosy with your little tongue poking out & sometimes snoring. If only we could rewind & go back...You are the very 1st thing I think about every single morning when I wake up, I think about you during the day & night too & before bedtime. I would love a visit from you my little darling...

Today I went to the same big atmospheric catholic church to light a candle & say a prayer for you. After doing this I sat down to think,  tried to calm my breathing as the tears began to roll down my cheeks....I feel at peace there & feel protected. I can't explain it but feel a need to go....Mummy is drinking tea at this moment & I send you some...I remember the very 1st time you stuck your nose in my cup & lapped up mine, that was the day I discovered you loved tea! Oh Daisy I remember all of your funny little antics - when you would sometimes toss your blanket up in the air & after when I came back into the room it would be half way across the floor. Your gran used to laugh & say to me " She's been getting so bad tempered with her blanket & she's had herself worn out sniffing & snorting tossing it about. You lit up my heart like a firework, I was & will forever will be so proud of you my little girl, my little biscuit! There are no words to express just how much you mean to me. I can't even listen to music ( apart from classical ) without breaking down in tears. My heart hurts too much....When you were here with me on earth I felt 'complete' & now you are no longer here I feel empty...dead...Whatever I buy now with an initial on it I now buy with your initial  -"D", instead of A! Whenever I see a picture or an object of a little Daisy It makes me smile, I think to myself how pretty & sweet just like my Daisy!..Your eyes melted my heart, although now it is broken...

Don't ever forget just how much your mummy loves you " More than the world & everything in it countless times over"! Mummy loves you so so much my darling baby Daisy. I send you cuddles, strokes, ear scratches, kisses, cuddles & lots of treats. I love you to the moon & back & back again, & again & again & again.

Always & forever

Your loving mummy
xoxoxoxoxxxxxooooo
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
òooooooooooooooooooooooooòoooooo
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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codysmum102
Angelina,
It will be six months July 11th that Cody passed. I, like you, wish with all my heart and soul that I could turn back time to the day he rested his little head on my shoulder at the animal shelter. The day I knew we were meant to be together. The day my life changed for the better. I'd live the time all over again but knowing what I know so that maybe if I knew about the tumor when it was small that I could have done something but at the very least I would have spent so much more time with him. I think you get into a comfort zone where you don't comprehend the finite time you have with them. Especially when they are young and healthy. You know someday they will be gone but it seems like that time is far away. I look back at the trips we took without him and I think we should have done things that didn't involve flying. We could have saved those for later and just done the trips where we could have brought him along with us. He was such a good RV traveler. Shoulda woulda coulda. He was such a good boy. All he ever wanted was to be with his peeps. I wish I could have stayed home with him instead of working but I did have to work. It was just a blessing that he was with us for 3 1/2 years after we retired. Our cat, Moneypenny only got one year if us being home. But as everyone knows no time is long enough. I hope and pray that you and I will be reunited with Cody, Moneypenny, Daisy and all our other babies again someday in a place where there is no pain and we can be together forever.
Take care and lots of hugs,
 
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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P_Mom
Angelina - what a beautiful post and tribute to your precious 'tea drinking' Daisy. 💖💖
What a sweetie with those antics - you had no choice but to fall in love. The pain is unbearable - they bring so much to our lives. I surely do think she has brought you a sign (from another post) with the bench with 'Daisy's Garden' written on it at the Church - where you find most comfort.  What are the chances?  That is for you.  She is romping and playing in a garden where you will be together again with her someday.  This I do believe. 💕  

Codysmum you nailed it with the comfort zone and not realizing the finite time. What a painful lesson for me - I regret my baby boy had to endure because of my wanting, wishing, and believing he'd live to older teens.  And here he was fading away under my ignorant nose.  So sorry for the loss of your fluffy soft Cody - that pic is the seeetest.  Huge hugs to you both.  XO

Daisy knows your love for her!! 💓

Jennifer
Patch's Mom
Jennifer
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chilover
JULIE

Thankyou for reaching out and sharing. I just sometimes don't know how to manage my pain. Daisy & I used to travel up & down the country (UK) by train & she was always good as gold! Half of the journey she would be on my knee & the other half she would be sleeping on the carpeted floor by my feet. We would take about 3-4 trips per year throughout her time with me. I have only travelled alone once since & her absence broke me...I imagine cody loved being in the RV with his mummy. It was wonderful that you rescued him from the shelter & gave him a loving home...
I hope we will be reunited with our babies in a place that is pain free too, it's sweet to think of them all playing together in peace & harmony. 
Sending hugs.

JENNIFER
Thankyou for you kind & sweet response. I really hope to have a visit from Daisy...
I will never begin to understand the human anatomy, how one minute we can remember our babies with a smile and a warm glow in our hearts yet other times we are floored with emotion - Today I felt like I had fallen of Mount Everest-     however I do know that there will be better days ahead where I will smile again & feel that nice warm glow. I know everyone on here understands.

Jennifer, you wished nothing but the best for your baby boy & you were not ignorant, you were not to know the outcome. He lived his life surrounded by such pure love "from you". I like to think that when we have looked into the eyes of our little ones they have felt our love, they must have done, I believe it radiates..

Sending hugs
Daisy's mummy 
Angelina 


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codysmum102
Thank you Angelina. Today is a rough day. I'd been meaning to stain the little box that I keep Cody's hair in and today I decided to do it. I had to open the box and take out the hair and seeing it just made me so very sad. Some of it was from his tail and some was from his body. All I can think about is how much I miss petting it. I thought I would be OK doing it but I guess not. 😭
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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BorderCollieLover
Angelina:

You mentioned in a recent post that "sometimes that you just don't know to manage your pain. "  Actually, you're doing the best that you can do under some very trying circumstances. Daisy was (and always will be) your baby girl. Same as Shelby was (and always will be) my forever soul-mate. I can identify with your struggle, as I still feel the pain very intensely - each and every day. We as human beings are imperfect creatures that make mistakes and are vulnerable to all sorts of outside pressures that society imposes upon us. Yet, we have this amazing capacity to bond, nurture and ultimately love our four legged friends as if they were they human. What we receive in return is so fulfilling, so satisfying and so genuinely real that it transcends everything else. I feel sorry for the misguided person who has never known the love of a pet. They have missed out on so much. I wouldn't have traded my nearly (18) years with Shelby for any amount of money or trappings of success.  I know that you feel the same about your beloved Daisy. They (Daisy & Shelby) were once-in-a lifetime companions. We are so fortunate to have had them in our lives. 

Fondly,
Jim 
Jim Miller
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chilover
JIM

Daisy will always be the most significant thing to ever come into my life & the most beautiful part of it..Bless her sweet soul & your Shelby's too..I can't ever imagine a life without our beautiful furry pets...

Hugs
Angelina
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chilover
JULIE.

I can understand how taking Cody's hair out must have triggered sadness for you.  On Daisy's last day I snipped off a little of her fur to keep, & I remember feeling so heartbroken because her fur had been falling out (due to the steroids). I assume it was the cause as I know it is a side effect. I feel so unbelievably guilty that I keep her box of ashes in a cupboard. She should be out on a shelf or near a window, she deserves better than to be shut in a cupboard like an unwanted object or a vacuum, but it just hurts too much.  I open the cupboard everytime I greet her & kiss her. 

Hugs
Angelina 
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chilover
My darling sweet little heart.

So today is the 1st anniversary. 1 year exactly since you departed this world & crossed over. It doesn't feel like it at all, it doesn't seem real & I am missing you like crazy. I still expect you to come to the door to greet me when I return home, still expect to hear you drinking your water or shaking your sweet characteristic Chihuahua ears. Oh my little heart, you came into my mine but then it broke when you departed. I want you to understand that your wellbeing & quality of life was far more important than what mummy was to endure when we parted  which is why I made that choice. I was  anxious about today with it being the 1st year as I  didn't quite know what to expect. I have written you a little letter, it is in your box amongst some of your belongings. I travelled further afield today in the warm weather & caught sight of a few butterflies 'white ones', they were so pretty, but not as pretty as you my little sausage. There were many flowers too where I was & I felt happy & comforted when I noticed some 'Daisy's, & lots of them....I saw a little sausage dog today & his daddy picked him up when he went down some stairs, it made me smile but after that sad as I knew that I would never be able to do that, to hold you.  I really miss your face & your nose which turned speckly towards the end. I miss everything, including when you would be in my arms before I would put you down to walk because when you yawned your tongue came out &.always tickled my cheek & it would make me laugh. I miss you my baby girl and love, love love you with every part of what's left of my beating heart & every fibre of my being.You were/are so special, a billion stars up in the sky aren't as magical. I send u a billion kisses, tickles, belly rubs & send you all of your favourite foods, treats, water & tea. 

Although it may be a few minutes past midnight, I know that your anniversary is the 2nd & not the 3rd!


Mummy will continue to love you above everything & everyone in the whole wide world my little angel.

MUMMY.    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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BorderCollieLover
Angelina:

I know acknowledging the 1st anniversary was very tough for you. Moreover, I am so happy that you chose to share your innermost thoughts with us on this Forum. You did promise last week that you would let us know how the fateful day went and you came through in grand fashion. I really liked your description of how Daisy's little tongue would brush up against your cheek and make you smile. I never heard you refer to her as a sausage dog before but when I think about it, that makes perfect sense. It sounds as if you were out in the country and you found some comfort in being out in Nature. Did you go to church today to light a candle? I was very moved by the letter that you wrote to Daisy. She was so fortunate to have had a mum like you. Bless you for making her life so special and meaningful. I will be dealing with the 1st anniversary in September and hope that I handle it as well as you did. 

Sending serene thoughts your way,
Jim
Jim Miller
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Michelemh
Angelina - That was a nice entry to Daisy. I know how difficult it is and am sorry we have to go through this. I feel your pain.

Michele
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