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BeachieGirl33

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Reply with quote  #76 
CKMP - I don't really know if the dream was a sign or not.  It was so brief and all I can remember is seeing Little and telling my husband that his lumps were gone.  He looked so handsome and like his self before he got sick.  I would like to think that it was a sign.  Tomorrow morning will be 16 weeks since he has been gone. Still seems like forever.  Still hurts.  Time continues to march on by but I am still stuck on Feb. 24.  Like you thinking about your Maggs all the time, I think about Little all the time also.  I hope as days go by you can begin to put that guilt aside.  You know she loves you and wouldn't want you to be sad and hurting.  And I'm one to talk - the pot calling the kettle black so to speak!  I should follow my own advice huh?  I am right there with you.  Hopefully one of these days things will start to turn around with us.  But that being said, I will never get over losing Little.  How do you get over losing someone when a part of you is missing?  You don't. 

Anyway, I hope your day is a good one.  The weather is nice here and I plan to get out and enjoy the day (hopefully!).

Hugs...
Betty

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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #77 
Maggs,
Just missing you!
Today was laundry day - missed you running up and down the hallway stealing those dirty clothes! 
Your sister is far too serious just 'snoopervising' the sorting . . . [She loves her new bed!]

So loved; so adored; so missed.

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BeachieGirl33

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Reply with quote  #78 
CKMP - thinking of you and hope you had a good day!  Aha!  Kass loves the new bed!

Hugs ...
Betty
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Ell99

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Reply with quote  #79 
hugs to all of you - i also had another teary day today. just wish they could  all be here and that this is all a bad dream.
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #80 
Maggs,
Always thinking of you . . .it seems more and more now that there is no place to find joy, or happiness without you (and your sister). The girls were always together and so much a part of everything done, every place we went. . . It is just not the same or right without you. I want so much to see you once more. . . And to know you are near each day. . . If one could turn back time, or if one could make magic and turn all that is good but fleeting in life stay but a bit longer. It is as if Kass and I are adrift without you - the little scaredy cat pup who became the leader and showed us that mischievous streak and joy. Around others and in the middle of a cacophony of noise, activity and business it is lonely without you. . . And it feels not quite right . . .as if I just don't belong and that nothing really matters. . . Yipes, two steps forward and three steps back!


Later a better tribute to you, I promise. . . Stay close, stay with me, no worries for you this is mine to figure out!

Maggs- so loved, so adored, so missed.
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Ell99

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Reply with quote  #81 
Hugs to you Cody. One day at a time . Everything changes doesn't it. Wish I could ease your pain and everyone' on the forum. It sure dies suck .you are not alone. Elle
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #82 
Maggs,

"I thought of you with love today
but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday
and days before that too.
I think of you in silence
I often speak your name
I have all the memories
and your pictures in the frames.
Your spirit is my keepsake
with which I'll never part
Angels have you in their keeping
but I have you in my heart."

Just thank you Maggee - for the time, the love and the acceptance.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

For all of us who are having those days at times - hugs and wishes for fur angels to wrap their souls around broken hearts and ease the ache.
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #83 
Maggs,
We have two days of beautiful mornings and then the skies grow darker and darker, the clouds build up, the lightening lights up the sky, the thunder rolls and then . . . it is as if all the water in the tears of everyone who has lost a loved fur one is let loose on the land below . . .  
It is 4 months today . . .  And without a doubt you are still so critical to life within this home.   Your gentle resiliency, your soft sighs and your deep brown eyes and constant watchfulness over all is so so missed.  Your quiet energy and devotion to your sister [even though you played at times the aloof one]made the household a more comfortable and caring place.  Over and over again I can say how much you are missed and how much you are loved - but it still doesn't even come near to the depth of those feelings.  I often still 'stumble through the days' as if searching for You, and even your sister at times stops, listens and looks for You in your old familiar places.  She still expects I think to see you come racing down the stairs to grab her and start the chase around the house - around, up the stairs, down the stairs and all around again!  You are spoken to all the time and spoken of often [to those who are still patient enough to listen . . . ]and I look for signs from you everywhere - in the black and white butterflies who come to visit, perhaps even follow us on the walks and even in the odd feather found here and there.  It is scary though Maggs - looking ahead without you physically here and also knowing one day your sister will need to meet up with you to play those chase scenes.  It seems too often all that is kind, gentle, good, innocent leaves this world far too soon - from those black and while butterflies to yourself.  Comfort is elusive - I think really I still 'walk that thin line' between keeping it together and completely losing control - something your presence was able to do was 'keep life in perspective' and allow me to 'figure out what was really important' as you watched intently with those deep brown eyes and listened . . .  well, ok maybe snoozed.
You are a special little girl dog - to me, and to your 'little sister.  You are the 'big, little dog' and she is the 'little big dog'!  But your heart and loyalty was unbelievably unwavering.  Trusting, and therefore eager to enjoy the days despite any discomfort . . . [which you always hid!]  I know the same things keep getting said over and over and over again - but it 'just is the way it is' and you never seemed to tire of hearing what a 'good girl dog' you are, or 'what a pretty girl you are' or especially 'who wants a treat?'  You started off life as a shy, quiet and subdued pup and with your first hospital experience at 4 you found your voice. . . Once you were on the recovery road, every time we called to check in on you, we were given the Maggee howl and ever after this anytime you were left behind and we returned home you were able to give us that "running commentary" of every day apart. . .  That growl, whine, cry, bark all rolled into that signature Maggee voice that I would give anything to hear again.  
So, once again sweet Maggs, the "Maggee bark" has been made and your sister has been on a walk just for You and her . . .  And, of course she has received the 'duly earned walk treat' - one for her and one for You. . . All those little moments with you mattered to me and matter to me still . . .  Stay close Maggs!

Maggs - so loved, so missed, so adored.

"If the kindest souls were rewarded with the longest lives," our fur ones would outlive us all.'

"Losing a dog leaves a hole in your heart,
You simply just wait for life to restart,
The hurt is so deep that you wonder how
You'll ever recover from the pain you feel now."

"We all need just one friend who understands what we do not say."





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BeachieGirl33

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Reply with quote  #84 
Beautiful words and memories to your sweet Maggee.  You have a special knack for putting feelings into words!  I enjoy reading your posts a lot!

Hugs ...
Betty
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #85 
Thank you so much Betty!  I hope the thoughts, the words, and the notes to Maggs while special to me, bring some comfort that we are not alone in our feelings, our experience and our journey through loss and grief.  Take care!
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LUCYLULU

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Reply with quote  #86 
CKMP~  I love what you wrote to your Maggs especially when you talk about walking "that thin line between keeping it together and completely losing control". It is so true. There are those days when things seem 'OK'. But it still feels 'off' somehow. Or there are those days when I want to 'camp in' or run far, far away...but knowing that neither will make anything better. Your love & special bond with Maggee jumps from the page because it's real & true. Even though you wish you could hear her voice or hug her tight, she is always close by. I hope you keep getting little signs or moments when you know that she really is right there with you.  Hugs & healing, Kasey
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #87 
Thank you Kasey!  I have been wondering how you are doing.  I am so glad I am not the only one who has those 'kind of days' - you said it perfectly - it still feels 'off' even on an 'ok' day. Lucy too is near by always - as she nudges your heart with little moments of memories of 'just Lucy antics' and through the signs she leaves in your way to let you know she is close and still 'tethered' by that golden thread.- Heart to heart.  Wishing you warm thoughts - Take care. 
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Sampson

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Reply with quote  #88 
Dear CKMP,
My deepest condolences on the loss of your Sweet Maggs. Your thread is filled with such love. It's a testament to what you shared with your little friend. I hope your heart is healing. I know it's so hard!
Take Care!
S.
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Sammi_Jo

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Reply with quote  #89 
You know Maggs was very loved, had a great life but these words do not make it any easier. We struggle everyday we see their favorite spots to sit, their favorite bush to sniff, and in some cases the smells in the kitchen that have them running in there to get a goody. Driving thru town, you might pass the favorite park or pass a place you take them for a walk. What really hurts is when you see a posting with the date on it when your baby passed. 

As time goes on, we still miss them, it just hurts less and its easier to smile. I hide my grief from most, I think only a handful understand the reality of having a pet that is a part of your soul. But your grief is real, and its just takes time. A friend of mine told me the worst pain will be around for six months. I believe that. But I also believe these pets have given us a greatness that last many many years after they are gone. And if you can only express to one person how much you loved your pet, and get that one person to understand, that greatness from that pet can live on even after you and I are long gone. I believe that. 

You know in my 48 years of life, I see people change, believe systems change, culture change and the way we look at life as a human race change. But I remember dogs as far back as when I was 3 and in the last 45 years, I can tell you a dogs way of life does not change. He/she wants to be were their master is and that is all it takes to make a dog happy. I have heard my Great Great Aunt tell stories of dogs back in the late 1800s and they have not changed from that time either. So when our families 100 years from now gets a puppy, that puppy will be no different that a puppy from 200 years before. Sometimes greatness overcomes everything else and that makes this place a better world. 

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Steven
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #90 
Sampson,
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts - it is comforting when someone is there is acknowledge the loss and the long journey through the grief. Hoping your memories of your special one are bringing some comfort and peace.
 
And, Steven,
you are so right - that is if just one person can understand your connections and bond to your special one, then that fur companion's legacy lives on - a destiny I come to believe all fur ones deserve given their 'paw print' on this earth and each of us.  They are the one true and steadfast entity in life - always there, always loving, always accepting  . . . Perhaps for the reason our special fur ones embody those characteristics that are life long, admirable and that many of us need to 'taught'.  I have yet to come to believe it hurts less and less but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said we hide it . . . I think that is really what we get better at - hiding our grief, moving it from the outside to the inside so we carry it with us unknown to most everyone we meet.  We are forever changed and it is almost like there is a disconnect from our 'former life', friends and family once your 'heart-dog/soul-fur-companion' has moved onto that next 'snuffing adventure'.. . 
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Another Monday Maggs, and it is a day that finds me thinking of you even more than usual.  As if even more than most minutes in most hours each day could be added to!
Just looking up the 'pee patch' hill today at your favourite spot brought tears; thinking of how when asked "Does Maggee want her yogurt? banana? blueberries? every morning would bring  the "Maggee shuffle" with the front paws and the 'yes, I do!' bark . . . to the same all over again at dinner time over your vegetables . . .all bring tears today.  Every Monday, the start of a new week without you and the marking of the passage of time.  There are so many moments in a day that you are spoken to, thought about and missed. Each day there is the gratitude for all the time we had and still the guilt for making that decision that stopped that clock for our time together.    Stay close Maggs . . .

Maggs - so loved, so missed, so adored.
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