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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #1 
Maggs, I have so much to say to you [as I hope you have heard] and above all is to ask for your forgiveness.  I am so sorry to have made that fateful decision for you almost two months ago, and I ask you please, please to forgive me.  I did what I thought was best - to give you release and peace - I thought you were so tired of fighting the Addison's, the pancreatitis and the kidney problems.  I could not put you into the hospital again with all those tubes, with someone trying to force feed and you being separated from us and your sister.  I know you had so much strength and so much love for us and your sister Kass, you would have gone through it again and again, fighting for more time in your adored home.   You were so full of love for life, such a happy girl, you ran, you ate, you played with your sister and watched the birds and squirrels so intently. . .   My heart does truly ache for you - you were such a special girl - 'mummy's girl' - who always took her meds so well and always understood me.  I talk to you all the time, and of course re-live all the time we spent together.  You were such an amazing girl and a beautiful girl.  You persevered through all adversities, keeping your 'spunk', your patience and your gentleness.  Never, never did you 'act sick' unless your body was truly out of your control.  I am so grateful to you and for you - you have taught me many, many things not only about myself, but just about life.  You went through your life with dignity and grace - and demonstrated a loyalty to us that was of such magnitude [get it Maggs . . . magg -ni - tude!] it was unbelievable.  I miss you more than I can say - miss you deeply and profoundly .. . not much is the same in life - except of course your sister - something has been broken inside and I am not sure it can ever be 'repaired' without you.  Such a friend, such a companion, such a special 'special needs girl' . . . I love you so much, miss you even more and if wishes were raindrops we would be flooded  . . . Your birthday is just around the corner - and this May, Kass will be on her own that day, the first time since you two were born.  We have a "Magg-a-lamp" down at the end of the driveway, just outside the gate and just behind the big rocks . . .a teardrop, powered by the sun, [that you loved to lay in warming your 'bum'], that glows softly at night [just like you] changing colours from red, to yellow, to green, to blue, to purple [maybe like your enthusiasm and joy]  I miss so much about you and your company . . .You are my 'heart-dog' - You and I knew it - We talked without talking, didn't we?  Just being  . . .  I am so sorry, and love you forever, and ever and always . . .Kass too misses you and sleeps often in your favourite spot in the tv room- But I know you know this - You are within your sister I am sure . . .  Don't ever know what life can bring, it brought us together  . . . and will once again, but in between the time, The tears fall everyday for you - My sweet Maggee Muggs! - So strong, so graceful and so so loved .. . 
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #2 
a beautiful note to your Maggs....and you did what was best at the time for your baby, peace.....

Writing and talking to your Maggs is a great thing, yes, keeps her memory alive...............and I am sure with Maggs birthday this month, that will be a difficult time.

Sending you support and ((hugs))) and your Maggs is wagging her butt up in heaven, being your guardian angel knowing how much she is still loved.

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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #3 
Cam - thank you so much for your thoughts and kind words.  You made me smile with your thought of Maggs wagging her butt off!  I can just see her - thanks!  It is always so good and comforting to know one is not alone in this journey.  My heart goes out to you as well on the loss of your Munki. [who looks like she had quite the character from her picture!]  Take care - be kind to yourself . . .
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Sampson

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Reply with quote  #4 
You gave your girl the best gift - freeing her from pain. She probably would have gone on out of love for you but you let her go even though it broke your heart to do what was best for her. If she could right now I think she would be thanking you for putting her needs first and also telling you how much she loved you!
Sorry for your loss!!
S.
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #5 
Sampson - thank you very much for your kind thoughts, and settling words. I was very reluctant to start talking to others through this forum but am so glad I have. Everyone is unbelievably kind, thoughtful and supportive, and I can not thank you and everyone else for the needed shoulders and hearts. I am so sorry we are all here - but are because we love our companions so deeply. Take care.
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elliemeewiz

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Reply with quote  #6 
Such a beautiful letter to your dear Maggs.. (((hugs)))
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My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you elliemeewiz for your thoughts and hugs. I return the warm thoughts and wishes to you and know how much you miss your special Wizberry. Be safe and take care.
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Robin2003

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Reply with quote  #8 
Dear ((((CKMP))))) A beautiful thought to your sweet pup. All that you decided was out of deep love and caring. I hope that each day releases a thimble-full of pain from your heart❤️
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jimmy17

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Reply with quote  #9 
I love that sentiment " We talked without talking ",  it reminds me so much of the close relationship we get with that special Once in a Lifetime dog that a lot of us here are lucky to have had.  My husband used to say that our dog Jim and me used to be able to communicate through just looking at each other, and I really think we did.  
  Maggs knows how loved she was,  and that is a such a heart felt letter to her. Its so hard making that final decision ( we had to let Jim go almost 5 months ago ),  but we do it out of the pure love we have for them. 
                                                          Peace and Hugs to you and Kass

                                                                       Jackie














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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #10 
Thank you so much Robin2003 - I know how much Holly and your special Maggie were loved and cherished.  - Many hugs and good thoughts for You - And, a Happy Mom's Day tomorrow!
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #11 
Jackie, A big thank you for your warm thoughts and wishes.  You know then, just a look between you and Jim and many words were spoken and all was known.  I wish for you many good things and a Happy Mom's Day tomorrow. Hugs always.
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hi Maggee - today is Saturday - one day before you and your sister's 11th birthday and three days before you will have been away from us physically for two months. . .   It is a beautiful day, the sun is shining bright, there was a bit of crispness early morning before the day heats up, you can smell the scent of 'green' in the air, the birds are singing -and it makes me miss you even more.  It  seems so unfair as the weather turns nicer and nicer you are not with us to enjoy the sun, the sounds and the smells of your yard waking up from winter.  I know life is unfair . . . we hear it a million times. . . it just doesn't do much to ease the sense of loneliness and loss.  Nothing is the same without you [and its shouldn't be] -the house, the yard, the walks [you were always "Maggs the Tracker Waggs" through the woods!], kitchen duty and getting your special meal - nothing.  You are so missed-so loved and such an exceptionally vibrant part of this family - everything seems so quiet, and seemingly less meaningful, less sparkly without you.  I move through each day without my heart-dog- but with your cute little sister - as if in a fog, looking for signs from you.  Anything and everything takes on great significance and importance.  The overly curious bird, the mysterious feather on the sun room floor, the little pup we met yesterday who could not get in enough kisses as if to say 'its ok' . . . to the 'new antics' of your sister who seems to be doing a lot of things you did -from the way she sometimes runs down the driveway to her decision to start laying in your spot on the bed.  I downright miss you so much it physically hurts.  I carry your collar and sweater [to keep those hips warm remember] everywhere I go -from upstairs, to downstairs, to the sun room, to the car, to . .. I know its a bit crazy but it makes me feel like you are here still.  
Many, many nice people have appeared through this forum to share their own losses and feelings - people who don't know each other but connect through a sharing of loss and pain and survival through goodbyes to special and cherished companions.  It is amazing Maggee, and it seems fitting as it seems as if we all act like all of you would if all of you were still here physically to comfort us.  I am trying to show guilt the door . . . that is the door out Maggs.  
Ok, for tomorrow I will not promise not to cry - even though I know it upsets you and Kass, but I will promise to think about your antics, your personality, your beautiful nature and what you gave me throughout your ten years [and not my own loss!] And, to hope there is peace, 'butt warming' and tail wagging with no discomfort or pain and the weariness you tried to hide is gone - tomorrow is to believe you are with me each and every day and to dream of future Maggee hugs, snuggles and sighs of contentment when we meet again.  There is always a treat for Kass and one for You - Never, ever left out - You are so loved and so missed my sweet Maggs.
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LUCYLULU

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Reply with quote  #13 
Reading your letter to Maggs...I so understand. Honestly felt like I could be writing to my own Lucy. They rally even when their bodies are depleted. It's truly unconditional love-- the definition thereof. It's only with time-- can't believe it's been almost 6 months for me-- that I can start to forgive myself for what you wrote 'the fateful decision'. As the saying goes, 'it's hard to see when you're in the middle of the storm'. Maybe that's why I replay so many decisions made especially in the last days/hours.

Your love of Maggs was so real, pure. You can 'feel it' with every word you write. I am so sorry for you and for Kass. But you know she's not suffering. And you know that she is with you every day. Positively believe that she can hear every word. Maggs knows how much you love(d) her-- most especially when you made the unselfish, loving decision to take her pain. She's a lucky girl indeed, that you're her Mum. You were & will always be her Mum. CKMP, thank you for writing this so we all could read & appreciate it.  Hugs, Kasey

Edited to add:  I just read your just posted note to Maggee. Tears flowing. Totally 'get it'-- what you wrote.
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winstonsmom12

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Reply with quote  #14 
CKMP Just change the names in your beautiful letter, and it could have been my letter to my Beautiful Winston.  Love  Sue
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #15 
Sue, I know how much love and devotion you have for Winston . . . It is clear in every word you write.  He was a special guy - I feel so bad we are all here, but then feel so strangely comforted we are - Take care of yourself - Happy Mom's Day tomorrow! Hugs.
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