Cassie
On Friday i lost my best friend of 16 years, i had her for half my life (i am 30). i can barely remember a time she wasn't in my life. lately she had been turned off her food and getting really skinny and got to the point she just threw up what little food she could eat, so i made the appointment to go and see the vet on Friday morning. i was happy and excited to take her, i thought they could fix her and make her happy and full of life again like she always was, i wasn't prepared for the possibility that she wasn't coming home with me. they told me something was wrong with her kidneys and that other than make her comfortable with some pain killers there was nothing they could do. and if she had already chosen to stop eating if they sent her home with me she would likely starve herself to death slowly and painfully. so of course we made the only choice we could and put her to sleep. i held her in my arms and cuddled her tight and felt her slip away.

i feel like i left my heart on that table with her, i can't stop crying. iv been carrying around her plushy pig chew toy and know it must sound weird but i can't sleep without her blanket, her smell brings back so many memories and almost feel alike she's still there. i miss her so much.
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Zander
I am so so sorry for your loss I know the pain is unbearable and the hole in your heart is consuming I had to make the decision to out my sweet boy down yesterday and I struggled with it for weeks I miss him so so much but have found comfort here and I hope you too find comfort in the many people who are here to support you Hugs
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Cassie
Thank you, I am sorry you had to go through it too. It's horrible, it's as if the whole world got a bit darker and a bit quieter. I really do hope talking to people here and reading their stories helps because right now I don't know what else to do.
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Maria16
I too lost my beautiful girl, Sassy Friday. I knew she had a bad heart and was taking medications. I thought she had more time and that the treatments would help her. I too thought I would bring her back home, and she would be feeling better. I don't know how long I will feel this pain in my heart, this pain we are all feeling for our beloved ones. I too hug her blanket and stuffed animal.

I started a journal to remember her. It doesn't feel real that she is gone, but I'm hopeful that I will find comfort as time passes. The wound is too new and the pain is too intense. I hope you will find comfort that will help you through this too and that through mutual understanding of this pain we will all help each other heal.
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jimmy17
Hi, I am so sorry for all your losses, you have come to a very special forum here, we all know exactly how you feel as we are all going the the same most unimaginable pain and heartache. I lost my 17 year old dog, Jim just 6 weeks ago today, he was like our baby ( we have no children), and I`ve never felt anything like it in my life, Just a nagging painful hole in my stomach, couldn`t eat or sleep - basically wandering round in despair. 
 It will get better, one day or even an hour at a time, there will be times when you think you are coping, other days not so much. I was doing ok until yesterday when I had a bit of a `meltdown`, but I find coming on here so helpful. I`ve also been writing a memory book. any time a memory pops into my mind, I write it down, I even write little notes to Jim, telling him how I`m feeling too. 
 Just do anything that helps, and most of all, be kind to yourself -  so many people think `It`s just a pet`, or they expect you to just get over it or go out and get another one. Not on here, everyone understands.   Hugs to you all. Jackie. xxx
                       

 


J Taylor
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JerseyNonna
cassie I too am so sorry for your recent loss and I was where you are 4 weeks ago yesterday.  we blame ourselves for not doing something sooner, believe we could have done something different to cause a different result.  grief will ebb and flow as the tides within all of us over our dear loved fur-babies and as bad as it can get, we do reach a point (thanks to our fur-babies) where we begin to remember them with smiles, remember all the good years we had.  death comes for all of us and all we can hope to do is do what we can for our fur-babies and if it truly is their time, to allow them to go forward with all the love we gave to them all the years we had them and tell them "see you later".  as Jackie put it so well, you've come to a very special forum here where we all are at varying stages of grief that a human never owned by a fur-baby will never understand....but we all do.   do not be afraid to grieve as your heart demands it.  we all have meltdowns so we absolutely understand those days.  we all have days where we seemed like we were in some sort of fog closer to the day we lost our loved friends.  we all eventually have days where the sun begins to shine on us once more and we smile.  write to your fur-baby daily if you need to - I do that for my roxie and it really has helped.  mostly, take care of yourself during this time.  many hugs and thoughts, prayers for you and your fur-baby.
JerseyNonna
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Cassie
Thank you all so much for your replies, it makes me feel better that I am not alone. she was so special and such a big part of my life I am happy that you all understand exactly what that feels like, that our fuzzy little family mean so much and when they are gone they create such an unexplainable void. They gave their everything to us, their time and love and loyalty unconditionally.

Today I picked up her ashes from the vet, in her little wooden box, engraved with her name. I was dreading this moment because now it's offical. She's gone.
I keep trying to tell myself that she's home now and that I should be happy about that, but my heart is not listening.

My partner suggested to me that I should draw her to help me feel close to her and to keep me going and my mind busy doing things, it's a wonderful idea from a wonderful man and I know I should do it, but I don't know how I'm going to draw if I can't stop blubbering every time I see her picture... That little fuzzy face with those giant button eyes looking up at me...

Maybe tomorrow...
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