Simona
Can anyone tell me when the heartbreak and pain subside? It's only been 10 days since we put our 11 yr old Lab, Sundance to rest and I thought I was doing ok but that must have been shock or denial because the last few days I can't stop crying.
He wasn't well the last couple of months but kept rallying with meds. On Jan 15 I was up all night with him, he was whining, uncomfortable and just couldn't sleep so back to the Vet the next day. X-rays showed a mass on his spleen and likely he was bleeding into his stomach as he'd become anemic. The next step was ultrasound and surgery and the prognosis wasn't great. I didn't want to put him through any of that so we made the decision to put him to rest. He was so tired that day and just fell asleep in my arms. It's the hardest thing I have ever done and the feeling of guilt and remorse is overwhelming. I come home every day to an empty house and it's excruciating. I don't think I will ever be the same.
I know I'm not crazy, I know that he is gone and in a better place (I even received a spirit message from him through a spirit guide). It's the most beautiful message and it made me feel better but I'm
still drowning in grief. I miss him so.
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FinNJ
Simona,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
It is so hard when our pets are ill and rely on us to know what is best.  You did the right thing by letting Sundance go to his peace in the comfort of your arms...your love was all around him.
I just lost my 13 year old girl Monday...she passed at home, comfy in her crate, while I was at work.  She wasn't alone...but yet my heart wrenches at the thought of not being with her.
I pray the day comes when both of us smile more often than we cry when we think of them.
Love and light,
FinNJ 
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Simona
Thank you so much FinNJ. It's comforting to know we are all here for each other.
May we all have the strength to move forward with peace and the loving memories of our beloved animals. xx
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LUCYLULU
I am sorry Simona to read about Sundance. I wish I had 'words' or enough experience to answer your question. Every single day,  sometimes each hour, is so hard to just get through. Sometimes I try to push the pain & my Lucy's last day out of my mind. Which often makes it worse because when I let myself 'go back there' it's a floodgate of emotion, tears, guilt, questioning of my decision etc. So I really understand why you are asking.  What I can say is that time does 'soften' the constant stabbing pain and the gut wrenching torment though I now understand the meaning of gut wrenching. It can feel like the pain is so deep inside that my stomach is cramping or pulsing. 

It's been 10 days since you made the loving decision to take Sundance's pain. Now you carry it. Without a quality of life, and with a gloomy prognosis, and pain & surgery etc., going forward...you definitely gave him the gift of a peaceful passing~ with you right there with him~ reminding him how much you love him. The empty house is so crappy. Everything feels so 'off' likes it's a very bad dream. You want to wake up & have Sundance right there again.  All I can offer is what I wrote. Even though I still have bad days...time does help some. And this forum is a wonderful place that you have found-- filled with understanding and caring folks. Try-- if you can-- to take each day one hour at a time.  Hugs, Kasey
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jimmy17
Simona, so very sorry about Sundance.  The way you are feeling now is so familiar to all of us on here. 
 We lost our 17 year old dog Jim almost 8 weeks ago, we had to have him pts, and the first 2 weeks were beyond awful. The guilt, the reliving his last day - its unbearable. All I can say is it slowly subsides - although you`ll have days where it all comes flooding back. 
  
You gave Sundance the last gift of love, freeing him from pain and misery, and he would thank you for it, if he could. Like my Jim, Sundance fell asleep while you were holding him - and just hold on to the beautiful message you have received from him. 

                               Hugs, Jackie. x



J Taylor
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Ripley14
I am so sorry to hear about Sundance. Aren't Labs wonderful dogs? They are so devoted and loving. Quite a few years back, on Halloween night, I was at my grandmother's house. I had to go out to my car to get something when I heard this rustling in a pile of leaves. It was a nice night for Halloween. It was dry and just a little chill in the air. I looked over the fence and what did I see but a tiny little pair of eyes peeking out from the leaves! The gate was locked so I ran through the house and out the back door, around the back yard and out to that pile of leaves in the front yard. I grabbed up a little black lab puppy!!! He had on a nice doggie sweatshirt that was black and gray and it had a soccer ball on it. I quickly went back inside and set him on my grandmother's lap. It was love at first site for both of them. However, it was quite obvious that this little guy belonged to someone else. We all agreed that some Halloween prankster stole this puppy from someone and threw him in my grandmother's yard OR someone deliberately put him there knowing my grandmother would take care of him. Either way, we had to do the right thing and called the humane society to let them know about this puppy but we would hang onto him. We couldn't leave him at the shelter. We advertised and went door to door for two weeks. Nothing. So we named him Pookey and he settled in to his new forever home. To this day when I think of Pookey, I wonder what happened and was someone's heart broken? Pookey lived with my grandmother 13 years and somehow knew how to take care of her. He became her homemade service dog. He helped her out of bed. He helped her walk through the house. He even helped her get the mail. I'm sharing this story with you just to make a point of how special labs are and I bet your Sundance was a great dog! Unfortunately, like all of our pets, Pookey passed away lying at my grandmother's feet. He had heart failure. That day was so traumatic for my grandmother, but when you think of all the years of love and devotion those labs simply spill out ... it was well worth it. I am so sorry for you just beginning your journey of recovery. [I made that up!] I can't tell you how long it will take ... it's been 8 weeks since my Ripley died and I cry every day and night. It's a rough road. I don't think I will ever get over this loss and I'm not sure if I want to ... your journey is very personal. Just let it be ... Pam.
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Ripley14
I would like to share a picture of Pookey with you. God bless.

file:///Users/pamelagriffin/Desktop/PDI_0034.jpg
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Simona
Thanks everyone for your heartfelt words. They are all way too familiar. I go through waves of emotions each and every day, it doesn't feel like it will ever end (I even catch myself telling myself in my head, it's gonna be OK, I mean seriously??).

There is no routine right now. He was my anchor for everything. I feel like he was my purpose. We don't have human children so he filled that role. I feel lost each and every day.

What can you do...one day at a time I guess.

Peace and light to everyone.

Just attached a photo of my boy from Christmas day. You'd never know he wasn't well...xo

photo.JPG
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Simona
It's only been three weeks, feels like 6 months. Every day is so heavy, so exhausting, so empty. No one understands my grief either. They either try too hard or they don't say a word. It's unbelievable. I'm really alone in my grief. Even my husband isn't showing his grief and doesn't talk to me about it. Then when I think I'm doing better it's like my head forces me back to those last few moments as Sundance was falling asleep as the Vet (who I
loathe, she wasn't the one I normally see) was pushing the injection thru. Why is my
mind going back there? So
damn painful. I want my dog back. I wish I could fast forward to a year from now. God I really hope I still don't feel like this in a year.
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jimmy17
Simona, All we ever want is to just have them back. I`d do anything to have my Jim back. Life seems so empty without them, but we just have to try to go forward. 
 Everyone on here understands. we`re all going through this dreadful loss. Your husband feels it too, but I think men try to hide their feelings. My husband was there for me in the first few weeks, but 4 weeks in and it really hit him hard, so then I had to try and be there for him. Having an animal in our lives is great, when they`re young and healthy, but when they grow old and weary its so very hard. All we want is the very best for them, and in the back of our mind we know what will happen. Its just so very unfair that in comparison to us, they do have a short lifespan.   We just have to remember that we gave them the very best life while they shared this world with us.  Hugs to you, Jackie. xx
J Taylor
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stellasMOM
Simona: If I didn't know it, I would think I wrote your posts! I feel your grief even through your words on these pages. My husband and I said good-bye to our 11.5 year old Black Lab Stella 6 weeks ago and her end was much like your precious Sundance. We were headed to the vet to start testing for Cushings Disease, as she had not been well for a few months and we were treating her holistically. That AM, she wasn't well and was stumbling around and her gums were extremely pale and when we got to the vet, the X-ray showed her spleen had likely ruptured and she was bleeding internally.  She would not have survived surgery and we said good-bye as I was singing to My Girl. We do not have children and she was absolute perfection!! I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND your grief and how others do not understand. I just lost it a few minutes before getting on this site, remembering those last moments. I miss her so much, that I physically hurt and it is hard to feel positive about anything. The unconditional love that these beautiful souls bring to our lives is so perfect and so honest, that without them, we feel lost, lonely, and broken.  I know that time will heal the rawness, but believe me, I understand and I share in your grief and in your love for your Handsome Sundance and My Sunshine Stella...I am sure they have met and are running free of pain and the confines that took them from us.  Let us all be gentle with ourselves as we walk through this grief and loss of our most precious loves and soul mates. We are better for having known such LOVE and ADORATION!!!!! 

Peace, Light, and Love!! 

Stella's Blessed Mom
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Suzukibiker68
I'm so sorry for your loss. My Sally died unexpectedly 3 weeks ago and I am still an emotional wreck. I am still sick each morning that I wake up knowing she is not there to welcome me and again on my return from work and all the wonderful adventures we have had every day for 8 years. Nothing seems to matter anymore so I feel your pain too. Nothing can make the sadness go away. Time itself will not stop the feeling of loss but eventually our hearts will just get that little bit more used to it (or so they say). There are so many lovely understanding people on here and it does help to know that each and every one are feeling our tears and holding our hands through this awful torment and cruel pain.
I will love you forever my angel
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