gsorhen

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Two days ago I lost my sweet boy in the worst way. His name was Haru. I know this is still fresh and I feel kind of strange posting on a forum but after looking support methods this seemed helpful.

We were about to put him in the car when my husband wanted to wipe him down because he had sand all over his paws. He managed to slip out of his harness and ran towards these buildings until he sped onto the busy street. He usually doesn't run into the street but as soon as he did a truck was coming. I heard him let out a large cry and he managed to bring himself to the sidewalk. My husband made his way towards him and I thought maybe Haru was okay but my husband motioned for me to quickly come over. There were two by-standers with him trying to help.

There were cars coming but I managed to make my way over and I will never forget how he looked on the sidewalk. Blood was coming out of his mouth. The truck driver pulled over and came by but I repeatedly told him it was not his fault. Haru was still there for a few minutes until the by-stander helping us out and my husband let out, 'he's gone.' I broke down then and there. Everything was such a blur. It felt like a bad dream and I didn't want to process it. We couldn't bring ourselves to pick up his body so the by-standers helped us carry it to our car. I'll never forget the look on my husband's face and the amount of guilt /regret I could feel in the car.

Our usual vet was 40 mins away and told us that were closing and if anything we could put his body in a freezer till they opened. It made me so angry. We called another vet and they managed to stay open for us so we made it over there. I couldn't bring myself to look at his body or to even give it to the worker.

It's only been a few days but it still hurts so much. There are so many things I wish I did differently in that moment and I feel like I let Haru down. We had just bought food and treats for him. How could I let that happen to him?

We raised him from when he was a puppy and I remember begging my husband for him after we moved to a new state and I was home by myself all the time. Haru made it easier to get out of bed and helped me establish a routine. He taught me so much about raising a pet on my own. He was about to turn 2 years old and it felt like it was way too early for him to be gone.

The house is too quiet and lonely. I can't look at his kennel in my bedroom without hurting, I can't look at his toys scattered across the floor, I can't look at the backseat of the car where we had a carseat cover and his bed laid out for him. It's hard to wake up knowing he's not there.

If you got this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I usually don't like sharing my life out there and this was really hard.

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Lynn_E
Dear gsorhen,
I'm so sorry you lost your sweet boy.  He's a beautiful boy.  Thank you for sharing your personal story; I know it must be so hard as it just happened and you normally don't share like this as you mentioned. I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your vet.  It happened to my husband before we met, his cat was dying and really suffering; he brought her to the vet and they told him they were closing so they refused to put it down even though he was suffering badly. You had a wonderful just under 2 years with Haru; I know it's difficult to see this now but try to remember those 2 years and think of all the beautiful memories of that rather than his last moments.  There are wonderful and helpful people on this forum and they taught me and reminded me not to focus on the last moments of my sweet little boy Peter. And rather, remember the great things about him.  I understand it's still really raw for you.  You are so brave to reach out on this forum. Please take care. Sending you love. 
Lynn, Peter’s mom 
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