BritanyH
I had to make the incredibly difficult decision yesterday to put my sweet dog Beau to sleep. I can’t stop feeling immense guilt over the decision today, like I did it one day too early. Poor Beau was diagnosed with diabetes last year, and we got it to a manageable state a few months later. Early this month, I noticed a lump, and took him right to the vet. The said he had a soft tissue sarcoma and would need it removed immediately, and prognosis is good once it’s removed. He went through surgery just fine. Two weeks later, we went to the oncologist to talk about further prevention, and he mentioned a second surgery since the cancer cells were still showing. I took him a few days later for the second surgery, where unfortunately they found it already spread to his lungs and there wasn’t much they could do. The surgery was called off and I took Beau home to comfort him. I was told 2-4 months. Two days later, Beau stopped eating and was vomiting. I immediately took him to the vet with his current health, where they found ketones in his urine. They figured his cancer threw his diabetes off track, and he needed to go to the emergency vet for fluids to get rid of the ketones. He wasn’t responding to the fluids so they conducted an ultrasound and found he had an instestine blockage, and recommended immediate euthanasia since he was under diabetic ketoacidosis and his cancer, and he was suitable for surgery of that level. I took him home and spend one amazing day with him, we laid outside, went on a car ride, and I never left his side. I put him to sleep after a full day of spoiling him at 8pm at our house surrounded by his loved ones.

The moment after it happened, I felt so much guilt. He was still drinking water and walking okay that day... he probably could of made it 12 more hours. I just wanted him to go peacefully but now it makes me wonder if he could of made it longer. The vet told me to schedule it immediately. I hope he was ready, and I hope he knows I loved him. He was my only dog, and I feel so empty today.

I adopted him 3 years ago when he was about 7, which would make him around 10. He is a golden retriever mix so he lived to about average. I wanted to make up for a lifetime of happiness in those 3 years, and I really, really hope I did him justice. He was the sweetest boy.
Quote 0 0
CKMP
Britany,
So so sorry for your loss - it is so so recent.  Your boy Beau looks like quite a character - and there is no doubt his face reflects the great love and security he was given throughout the years spent with you.  Guilt seems to come too easily for us when we are charged with all the decisions necessary for our special fur ones...We always seem to second guess ourselves no matter what we do.  It is those should haves, could haves, maybes that stay too long or come through the door too often...Someone on this forum once wrote to me, 'better one day too soon, than one day too late' and while I know this to be true - as we wish our special ones to go with the dignity and respect they so much deserve - we always wonder if we made the decisions at the right time.  Perhaps this is so because our fur ones rely on us for everything including when to know they are ready for their next big adventure.  Beau and you had a beautiful day together - and when it was time he had peace, serenity and care in saying goodbye...Wouldn't we all wish for this??  Our dogs are so resilient - and seem to be able to withstand pain and discomfort thousands of times over what we are able to do...They will go on and on despite the hardship...However, what you have done for Beau is to take on his pain and discomfort - you made the sacrifice for him - and did so out of love and compassion.  Grief is testimony to the love shared and the bond forged between you and him - and he will be always with you as that bond is unbreakable by time, space or form...I have lost both my girls within a bit more than a year and have been on this road of grief, guilt and second guessing for a long time...Please do not allow guilt to crowd out the sorrow, and the gratitude for your time with your special boy.  The coming days will be filled with ups and downs, and many tears - but know within your own self and heart and soul - as difficult and devastating as this fateful decision was it was a decision that Beau trusted you to make for his sake - and it shows the love and commitment you have to and for him...You have released an angel - and one now that will guard you and shadow your footsteps for always.  Take care.
Quote 0 0
springacres
Britney,
I am so very very sorry for your loss of your beloved Beau.  You made the only decision you could under absolutely heartbreaking circumstances, and if - God forbid - the same thing happened to my Callie, I would have done exactly what you did.  You let him go rather than watch him suffer any more, and the photo you attached shows how much he loved, appreciated and trusted you.  He is now in a place where his spirit is free from pain and his body is healthy again.  And most important of all, his last hours were spent in the company of the person who loved him enough to be able to let him go peacefully, without pain and in a familiar environment.

The most important thing now is for you to take as much time as you need to grieve.  Surround yourself with people who care about you and who you can trust to support you.  Everyone grieves differently, but the pain will grow less over time.  Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not even next year, but eventually, the Beau-sized hole in your heart will begin to ache a little less, and the pain and guilt you are now feeling will start to fade, to be replaced by all the good memories you shared.

Also, your boy shared a name with a Quarter Horse I used to ride.  He crossed over last March, but I bet he's checking out the new arrival now.  Beau the horse was such a sweet, friendly boy that I can't imagine him NOT saying hi to his brother-in-name.
Callie - my dog daughter
Tigger & Katrina - my angel kitties
Quote 0 0