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chilover
It breaks my heart to read this, I really feel for you. You loved your sweet Bandit beyond words and the only person who matters now is "You" because of the love you gave him! You took care of him, you fed him & he knew this. You deserve respect and kindness! There is no time limit or fast forward button for grief.. Take all the time in the world to grieve, as long as you need...I hope that you have other people around you who are patient and compassionate.

I love the idea of the urn made in the shape of a Chihuahua, that is beautiful, and it's very natural that you snuggle it when feeling sad - you feel close to him.I do similar things - I kiss her box of ashes & talk to her 3 times per day and each time that I do, I cry. My baby was called 'Daisy'and she was a Chihuahua too. We lived alone together for many years. Sometimes I wish that I could talk about her more and express my love of her more but Iiving alone I cant. It's very lonely. I ended up in hospital after she passed and was under the care of the mental health team in a crisis. This forum is a wonderful place full of compassionate people who want to express their love, share stories and support one another and I encourage you to keep coming. I want to say that these pictures of your baby are absolutely beautiful, I love how his sweet little tongue pokes out in some of the pictures, my Daisy's sometimes did too, I find it adorable. I would love to hear more about Bandit, his character and so on, if and whenever you feel ready to do so. We can exchange stories. In the mean time, please take care.

Sending you comfort and hugs

Angelina
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Brightstar
I wish I could give you a hug and say it’ll be ok and he is happy and loves you and would hate to see you like this 😢 I’m still suffering and misses my Akira so please know your not alone xx
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ChihuahuaMom
I can not believe that tomorrow is the 26th. How have I made it through almost five months without you? I remember a lot of sleeping and a lot of crying.  Why is it that I am still here, flawed in every way, yet you were the one that was taken. Nothing about that seems fair. I feel like I'm constantly in the bargaining state of grief.  If I could hold you just once more. Feel you breathing once more. smell your breath once more. Look into your big beautiful soulful eyes once more.  I would give my life happily for that moment. 

I still have a hard time looking through pictures and watching clips or videos. I stare at the shrine I made for you all the time.  I pray to you. I kiss your urn. I kiss your pictures.  I kiss your paw prints. I try to read through my grief books as much as I can, but I still want to curl into a ball and die.  I'm cutting again.  

My sweet baby Bandit....Please know that your mommy loves you with everything she has and thinks about you all the time. I hope so much that we will be reunited again. I love you my sweet and sassy little man! I Love You.  Do you remember this picture with your little tan & white sister, where you used to live so long ago? When your mommy saw you in that picture I fell in love with you. I loved you already and I knew we would be best friends.  Before I could even come pick you up I had printed off copies of this picture to hang up so I could tell every one you were my new baby! Know that you will never be forgotten, ever.  You will always be celebrated so long as I live.

Baby Bandito.jpg 
Bandit's mommy

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5/14/2005-9/26/2019
May we meet again soon my sweet baby
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ChihuahuaMom
My sweet "Mr. Dawg",

As I sit here to type what I am feeling I draw a blank because there are no words that can describe my level of emotional pain without you.  There are so many little things that you did that i miss.  When I would take a shower you would always stand in front of the shower door or in the doorway to the bathroom to make sure I was protected.  I know there are so many things that I could have done better (being a first-time mommy and all) and I know must have come across as very needy.  You were and always will be my everything.  I'm sorry we had to clip your nails, I know how much you hated that. You did seem to like bath time with mommy though.  I'd dry you off and then you would zoom around the room like a tornado.

Bandit, your name definitely fit your behavior. You would steal socks, dryer sheets..anything you could find really.  You would hold your treasure hostage under the bed until we lured you out with treat.  Boy oh boy did you know how to play me, my beautiful boy! You were definitely my alpha! Even though you just a little 6 pounder you still had a bright neon orange 'caution' sticker in your vet file.  I think in your little mind you were a great dane or a giant mastiff.  For me, you will you will always be my first born son, my sweet little man and the love of my life!

I don't know if you were able to see the extra candles I've been lighting for you the last couple of weeks.  I've been participating in the Memorial Tribute for you as well as many other wonderful parents who have lost their children. I do hope that you hear my prayers little man.  As always, please remember that your mommy loves you until the end of time and will never ever stop praying or thinking about you. I hope that you are feeling no pain and that you are running around with friends that you have made.  Hold tight to that golden cord little one, we will be reunited and it will be the happiest moment in my life.  I love you forever and always, your mommy xoxoxoxoxo

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Bandit's mommy

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5/14/2005-9/26/2019
May we meet again soon my sweet baby
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ChihuahuaMom
So, at the end of my last appointment with my therapist we were going over my next appointment date.  Not long after did I realize it would be the day before the sixth month mark of Bandit's passing.  An intense wave of sadness washed over me, I can not believe that it has been almost six months since I've seen his beautiful, perfect little face. since I've held him in my arms.  I was able to get back with my Dr. and reschedule it for the following day, as I knew I would be a wreck. I was able to with no problem, she's wonderful.

I miss my baby so much.  All I want is to be with him. I'm in this constant state of numbness or pain.  I don't know how to deal with it any more.  All I know is 
i need to be with him at all costs.
Bandit's mommy

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5/14/2005-9/26/2019
May we meet again soon my sweet baby
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ChihuahuaMom
My sweet baby Bandit...

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart.  I have been having a lot of dreams of you lately. I just miss you so much!  All I can think about is how I hope we can be together soon, I don't want to wait.  I pray for this all the time. A reunion with my sweet boy would be such a blessing.  I want nothing more than that.  I always said that went he left this world, I would as well and I have failed him.  I keep your paw prints I got from the vet and I can almost feel your little pads when I kiss them.  I hope more than anything you are getting everything you need my sweet boy; running with friends, playing with toys and getting extra treats!  If you ever find some time, please look down on your mommy. 

I love you forever and always...my sweet sweet boy.

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Bandit's mommy

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5/14/2005-9/26/2019
May we meet again soon my sweet baby
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chilover
I hope your beautiful Bandit is playing with my beautiful Daisy. His expression reminds me of hers. She was a short coat with similar markings. 

Thinking of you 

Sending comfort & hugs 

Angelina.
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ChihuahuaMom
Angela, thank you for your kind words. I love to picture him romping through fields of flowers with your beautiful Daisy!

My thoughts and prayers are with you

Elizabeth.
Bandit's mommy

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5/14/2005-9/26/2019
May we meet again soon my sweet baby
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ChihuahuaMom
I can't believe tomorrow will mark six months. I can't stop thinking of the day it happened, his little body on the floor.  I can still feel the weight of holding him for hours just sobbing and screaming after it happened. I miss seeing his big puppy play pen we had set up where he would go to play with his favorite squirrel toy.  I miss refilling his food and water dishes. I miss his gentle face bathes. I can't believe he's gone.

I want to be with him. I want to hold him. I want to kiss his little belly. I can't help but feel there is nothing here for me now that he is gone.

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Bandit's mommy

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5/14/2005-9/26/2019
May we meet again soon my sweet baby
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Duece
Sorry for your loss, I know that pain all too well - may you find comfort soon - your baby was such a cutie pie, I made a shrine in my house on my baby's favorite chair, it's so pretty and it brings me comfort because I can go look at it and smell his toys and the rest of the stuff I have over there. I attached a picture of how I set it up.
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Pennysforevermom
Your baby is so adorable. I hope that my little baby is in heaven playing with him. That's what I prayed for last night. That she's happy and making new friends. I'm so sorry for your loss. My baby left this earth on Saturday and I'm wondering if the pain will ever end.
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BorderCollieLover
ChihuahuaMom:

  
My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your beloved Bandit. In the aftermath of all this, I hope that you are able to find some semblance of peace working with your therapist and continuing to post here. I read your original full post and came to the conclusion that you are a wonderful, caring person who loves their pets more than life itself. Please take care of yourself and keep us informed on your healing journey. I wish you nothing but the best. 

Warmest regards,
Jim
Jim Miller
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ChihuahuaMom
My sweet little man,
Mommy got some new pretty lights to decorate your Dia de los Muertos shrine to pay homage to you and your Mexican ancestors. I hope you like it.  Never forget, mommy will always love and remember you and we will be reunited again my beautiful boy!
Bandit's mommy

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5/14/2005-9/26/2019
May we meet again soon my sweet baby
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Duece
Beautiful shrine - where did you get the stuffed animal from, looks just like him - I want one for my baby boy Duece.
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Duece
I did a YouTube for my baby  Check it out.. 
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