ILoveMySawyer
This is the second pet in my adult life I lost and it's the worse kind of pain.  Pets are so precious, so dependent on us and their lives are literally in our hands.  Yesterday was a bad day as we decided it was time for our Saywer to be euthanized.  I know we could have most likely hospitalized him, giving him fluids, perhaps prolonging his life, but that means he would have been in the hospital, scared and sick and no guarantee it would give him quality of life.  He was diabetic, never really improved since diagnosis and seemed to not be that happy.  The last few days he started vomiting and declined rapidly that we knew he was dying.  I didn't expect this cause just the other day he wanted my cereal. I feel so guilty.  Guilty that I'm not rich to spend the thousands of dollars it takes, guilty I didn't buy pet insurance before he was sick, guilty that I didn't treat him better lately.  He really didn't want to be bothered most of the time.  I noticed a difference but my husband was in denial.  He was my husband's cat more than mine, but I loved him just as much.  It was my strength yesterday to make the decision.  I knew he was dying and I knew it wasn't going to be easy watching him die.  It was the hardest decision I've ever made and today I feel so guilty.  I'm so guilty I didn't see the signs earlier about his diabetes.  So guilty I got upset when he peed everywhere.  We finally put another cat box in the shower as it was the only place to put one and I had to deal with cat liter everywhere.  I did complain about it, but I did it for Sawyer.  I feel guilty for having those feelings now.  I just want him to forgive me.
Sharon Teater
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ILoveMySawyer
I feel slightly better today.  At least I'm not constantly crying.  I still have a lump in my stomach.  All I know is I was honored to have Sawyer as my pet and I am going to scrapbook his pictures which I think might help me heal over the loss of him.  He was such a good boy, he never did anything wrong.  All I know is dry food is not the best for cats so beware of diabetes especially if dry is all they eat.  :(  
Sharon Teater
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Mistysmama
Dear Sharon,
I am so sorry about what you are going through. It's always agony when they go, and very very hard beyond words, when we have to decide to have them put to sleep. It goes against all of our instincts. But when we know they are suffering, and it's the only way, then we do that deed with love and compassion.
There is always some guilt about something we didn't do right. I know. When I had my Misty put to sleep, I honestly had tried everything, and was sure I did not have even one regret....but in the weeks to come I surely found something I wished I'd done differently....and then another thing....and so on. I found myself remembering all the little details of our life, and maybe the things I did wrong over the years...
But the truth is they loved us, and their lives with us were OK. They loved their lives, and loved being with us, and wouldn't have changed it for the world.
 
You have my heartfelt thoughts and prayers X
 
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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ILoveMySawyer
Misty, thank you so much for your reply, your words helped me more than you know.  I have to remind myself every hour that what I did was the right thing.  So hearing it over and over helps me so much.  I just wanted to thank you for your kind words that helped me so much.  Thank you.  


Sharon Teater
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Sparrow99
Hi Sharon, 

When I was reading your post I could really feel the love you have for Sawyer shining through all of it.....even in the midst of the grief and the guilt we carry...your love is the most powerful force...I honestly believe Sawyer knows that and feels that love!! and little by little...day by day...you will remember all the love he showed you too...like diamonds on snow....so beautiful yet you cannot touch it with your hands...but you can hold it in your heart...and keep holding it and soon it will begin to heal...because that's what love does...

And I say this to you and to myself for my little boy Finn who I love and miss so much....and I will never let go of that love...I'm learning...and amazingly...he was my teacher...and I was so lucky to have found him....

I hope you will find peace and comfort in Sawyers love for you, Sparrow


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ILoveMySawyer
Sparrow, thank you.  I loved him so much and I have so many good.  Sawyer was love...pure love and each day his love is shining through to me.  I feel his love even now after he's gone.  The memories, good memories are popping up constantly now.  I look at the places he liked to lay and remember his love and happiness and I feel good but sad and tears flow....  everyday gets easier but I know I have a long road ahead of me.  He was part of my family, he slept at my feet.  There's a big piece of my family gone and you know how hard it is.  The guilt is getting better thanks to the wonderful people on this site and my family.  Talking about him helps me so much.  And Sawyer is teaching me, even today.  

Thank you again.

Sharon


Sharon Teater
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loveme3
Hi I'm sorry for your pain and loss. I understand feeling guilty for the choice we were forced to make. I also try and remind myself that what I did was with love for Elvis so he could be free. Now we're here trying to heal from the pain of our loss. Please try not to beat yourself up. I'm sure you did your best.  Hugs Lori
lori
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ILoveMySawyer
Thank you Lori.  I'm working my way through this loss.  It's not easy but I'm talking about it, reading about it.  In fact, I'm leaving this for myself as well as everyone who wants to read, but as I read the guilt section by Sue, I kept saying...this is me...this is what I'm feeling....this is exactly what I'm going through.  I know I'm not alone, and I am realizing my Sawyer was and still is teaching me about myself.  I love and miss him everyday.  :(  http://www.pet-loss.net/emotions.shtml


Your kind words are comforting Lori.  Thank you.
Sharon Teater
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julieandfurbabies
Our furbabies sure are precious.  I have experience no pain like losing my baby

I am so very sorry for your loss my friend

Know we are all here for you x
Love Julie x
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heartsick
I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Sawyer.
Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.
I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.
Love is Love and Grief is Grief- there is no difference.
Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -
LOVE NEVER DIES.
The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.
Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.
Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.
Please come back and post some pictures so we can get to know him through you.
If you read the beginning of any one of our threads from the first page you will see yourself.
Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.
You Are In My Thoughts.
Susan(heartsick)
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