SuzieQ8997
My Sasha was only 5 years old, she would have been 6 this October. She was a full blooded German Shepherd, and like my own child. We raised her from 8 weeks old and saw her grow up into a wonderful dog. She loved to ride in cars, bark at the other dogs in our home, because she was jealous and wanted all the attention. She was scared of rain and storms...and even though she was huge, she'd climb in your lap to protect her... She would sleep in the bed with me at night, while my husband was away for work and I could sleep feeling protected with her by my side. 
Sasha passed away Saturday evening and I feel such guilt that it's almost unbearable. About a month ago, she went limp in the hind legs and wouldn't get up. Me and my son rushed her to the vet emergency room, where they diagnosed her with double hip dysplasia along with pneumonia. Luckily, she survived and we brought her home. We were using the harness to hold her rear end up to take the pressure off when she walked and she seemed to be doing very well. But, for some reason she kept a small fever and after several blood tests...things looked normal, other than an underactive Thyroid. So, she was put on Thyroid medicine. 
This past Thursday evening, she started acting like she didn't feel well, and we went to bed. Friday morning came and she seemed to be struggling walking. I helped her outside but she didn't want to go down the stairs. But, she was still eating and drinking well and barking as usual. 
I had to go out of town and I knew my husband was coming back home that day. I told him to let me know how she was and he said she was still struggling to walk. I told him to take her to the vet in the morning. When morning came, he told me she was better, that he thought she was just in pain. I gave him the vets number and told him to take her, but he kept saying she was doing better and that she was even barking at the other dogs, as usual. But, she had stopped eating. I told him that this wasn't a good sign and to get her to the vet, but he said he googled it and she could not be eating just do to pain. I listened to him. 
Why didn't I just leave and come home and take her myself? Why didn't I tell him if he wasn't going to take her that I would come do it? Why did I take his word for it that she was okay? Because later that evening, he calls me panicked because she was struggling to breathe and before I could make it home, she died. I feel devastated. I feel as if I have failed her...what if the vet could have saved her this time, too? 
Even if I'd taken her to the vet and they said there was nothing we could do, at least I knew I did everything that I could to save her...but, I feel like I failed her...I feel like he failed her. I struggle with anger against him because he didn't take her to the vet like I asked him to do. Now she is dead and I feel responsible. I should have stayed home with her, I should have made sure she got the care she needed. I know my husband loved Sasha, because he cried when she passed away and in the entire 10 years I've known him...he's never cried. But, I still struggle with anger against him because he didn't take her like I asked and I struggle with anger against myself for ever leaving her in the first place. 
I see her everywhere and I miss her greeting at the door whenever I get home...I miss her sleeping with me and keeping me safe. Most of all, I miss my protector, my friend, my little girl. This has felt as if I've lost a child and I can't hardly bare it along with the guilt. I hate myself for letting her down. I should have been there for her....but, I wasn't. If I could only go back...I would do things so differently. How can I ever get over this grief...this anger and this guilt. I will always feel like I failed someone who never failed to love me when I didn't even love myself. My heart is broken and I am devastated.  Sasha.jpg 

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Millie18
I'm so sorry for the devastating loss of your baby. It sounds like there was more going on that caused her to pass so quickly. Even the vets may not have been able to save her, but I understand that we want to make all attempts to help them. I hope you will be able to be gentle with yourself and your husband. We are their guardians and protectors and we expect to keep them out of harm's way at all times, but sometimes we just aren't able to do so and they leave us unexpectedly.

I had to let my girl go prematurely and I'm sure she had been sick internally for quite some time, but her tests kept coming back normal up until a few weeks before I had to let her go. It's so difficult to know what's happening to them. Even vets won't always have the right answers. You did your best at the time and your beautiful Sasha knows you loved her. I have a soft spot for shepherds and can't imagine the loss of your beautiful protector and friend. 

Sending you peace and hugs so you may grieve and heal 
Diana

Mom to Millie, Roman, Snoopy & step sister to O'Boy
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camunki
I am so sorry about your Sasha, and being such a young age, does make it hurt more. I know you feel alot of guilt, that is all part of the grieving process, I do know that your husband, at the time thought your Sasha would be ok.....and I am sorry that you were not able to be with her in her last moments.

I know i went thru alot of guilt and could haves and should haves, i think we all wish we could have done something different to keep our babies around longer. Sometimes we can't though, sometimes things happen or illnesses come on aggressively and we just can't save our babies. And months went by where i would spend hours, long hours on the computer, finding ways I could have saved my babies.

Please be gentle with yourself at this time and know you did all you could at the time with your Sasha. And your Sasha knows that you love her beyond words, she knows that!

And please keep posting, it does take away that alone feeling.

(((((Hugs)))))

Cam


 
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KathyT
SuzieQ8997 wrote:
My Sasha was only 5 years old, she would have been 6 this October. She was a full blooded German Shepherd, and like my own child. We raised her from 8 weeks old and saw her grow up into a wonderful dog. She loved to ride in cars, bark at the other dogs in our home, because she was jealous and wanted all the attention. She was scared of rain and storms...and even though she was huge, she'd climb in your lap to protect her... She would sleep in the bed with me at night, while my husband was away for work and I could sleep feeling protected with her by my side. 
Sasha passed away Saturday evening and I feel such guilt that it's almost unbearable. About a month ago, she went limp in the hind legs and wouldn't get up. Me and my son rushed her to the vet emergency room, where they diagnosed her with double hip dysplasia along with pneumonia. Luckily, she survived and we brought her home. We were using the harness to hold her rear end up to take the pressure off when she walked and she seemed to be doing very well. But, for some reason she kept a small fever and after several blood tests...things looked normal, other than an underactive Thyroid. So, she was put on Thyroid medicine. 
This past Thursday evening, she started acting like she didn't feel well, and we went to bed. Friday morning came and she seemed to be struggling walking. I helped her outside but she didn't want to go down the stairs. But, she was still eating and drinking well and barking as usual. 
I had to go out of town and I knew my husband was coming back home that day. I told him to let me know how she was and he said she was still struggling to walk. I told him to take her to the vet in the morning. When morning came, he told me she was better, that he thought she was just in pain. I gave him the vets number and told him to take her, but he kept saying she was doing better and that she was even barking at the other dogs, as usual. But, she had stopped eating. I told him that this wasn't a good sign and to get her to the vet, but he said he googled it and she could not be eating just do to pain. I listened to him. 
Why didn't I just leave and come home and take her myself? Why didn't I tell him if he wasn't going to take her that I would come do it? Why did I take his word for it that she was okay? Because later that evening, he calls me panicked because she was struggling to breathe and before I could make it home, she died. I feel devastated. I feel as if I have failed her...what if the vet could have saved her this time, too? 
Even if I'd taken her to the vet and they said there was nothing we could do, at least I knew I did everything that I could to save her...but, I feel like I failed her...I feel like he failed her. I struggle with anger against him because he didn't take her to the vet like I asked him to do. Now she is dead and I feel responsible. I should have stayed home with her, I should have made sure she got the care she needed. I know my husband loved Sasha, because he cried when she passed away and in the entire 10 years I've known him...he's never cried. But, I still struggle with anger against him because he didn't take her like I asked and I struggle with anger against myself for ever leaving her in the first place. 
I see her everywhere and I miss her greeting at the door whenever I get home...I miss her sleeping with me and keeping me safe. Most of all, I miss my protector, my friend, my little girl. This has felt as if I've lost a child and I can't hardly bare it along with the guilt. I hate myself for letting her down. I should have been there for her....but, I wasn't. If I could only go back...I would do things so differently. How can I ever get over this grief...this anger and this guilt. I will always feel like I failed someone who never failed to love me when I didn't even love myself. My heart is broken and I am devastated.  Sasha.jpg 

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KathyT
I am sorry about the loss of your baby Sasha. I know the feeling of guilt too well. My 8 year old Sassy passed 13 days ago and I had cancelled her vet appointment because she was doing well and I thought I’ll make it another day and about a week later she passed and I feel so guilty. I keep thinking that if I had taken her maybe they would have know she was sick and maybe she would still be here. Try to think of all the love Sasha gave you and the love you gave her and the happy times you had together. I know is not easy I picked up Sassy’s Urn today and have been crying since then. Hugs
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SuzieQ8997
Thank you Kathy...I'm so sorry about your baby. We actually did the exact same thing...Sasha was doing good and we rescheduled her vet appt and now I think...what if they'd saw something was wrong...but we both know..if we knew they were sick..we would have taken them. We just didn't know. But..still the guilt is hard. Hugs and prayers for you. I understand your pain.
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SuzieQ8997
Millie18 wrote:
I'm so sorry for the devastating loss of your baby. It sounds like there was more going on that caused her to pass so quickly. Even the vets may not have been able to save her, but I understand that we want to make all attempts to help them. I hope you will be able to be gentle with yourself and your husband. We are their guardians and protectors and we expect to keep them out of harm's way at all times, but sometimes we just aren't able to do so and they leave us unexpectedly.

I had to let my girl go prematurely and I'm sure she had been sick internally for quite some time, but her tests kept coming back normal up until a few weeks before I had to let her go. It's so difficult to know what's happening to them. Even vets won't always have the right answers. You did your best at the time and your beautiful Sasha knows you loved her. I have a soft spot for shepherds and can't imagine the loss of your beautiful protector and friend. 

Sending you peace and hugs so you may grieve and heal 





Thank you so much Millie. Your words are very comforting. Bless you. 
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SuzieQ8997
camunki wrote:
I am so sorry about your Sasha, and being such a young age, does make it hurt more. I know you feel alot of guilt, that is all part of the grieving process, I do know that your husband, at the time thought your Sasha would be ok.....and I am sorry that you were not able to be with her in her last moments.

I know i went thru alot of guilt and could haves and should haves, i think we all wish we could have done something different to keep our babies around longer. Sometimes we can't though, sometimes things happen or illnesses come on aggressively and we just can't save our babies. And months went by where i would spend hours, long hours on the computer, finding ways I could have saved my babies.

Please be gentle with yourself at this time and know you did all you could at the time with your Sasha. And your Sasha knows that you love her beyond words, she knows that!

And please keep posting, it does take away that alone feeling.

(((((Hugs)))))



Thank you, Cam. I sincerely appreciate your words of comfort. Bless you. 
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Humanswithpaws
I’m so so sorry to hear about your beautiful girl blame unfortunately hits us all I don’t think I’ve met anyone on here yet that doesn’t blame themself one way or another. Like you I lost my boy 3 weeks ago he was also 5 and I also blame myself. The thing why would we think were going to loose our baby’s there so young were not prepared for that are we? It’s easier said than done and I know I’m a hypropricite for saying this but please please try not to blame yourself you weren’t to know it was this serious. I’m sending you all the love in the world I know exactly how you feel right now xxx
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Breezy2013
My parrot died in june and like you all, I feel responsible.  I am a vet tech and just couldnt help but think I should have been able to save her.  But parrots are prey animals, they hide signs of illness.  It wasnt till I ended up hospitalized because of it that a nurse I had told me likely my girl was hiding how sick she was from us.  All animals do this to some degree, whether prey or predators.
If love could have saved you you never would have died.
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Sue1097
I am so sorry about the loss of your Sasha. I understand what you are going through. I lost my Draco kitty on May 16 2017 due to stage 4 kidney failure. He was only 13 years old. That's not too old for kitties. He was my best friend and I continue to this day to second guess. But he told me it was time, as much as I didnt want it to be. I blame myself because I didn't understand nutrition for kitties. He loved dry kibble and cats need meat. It could have been what caused the damage in his kidneys. Fur babies are good at hiding pain. As hard as it is try not to be too hard on yourself. She wanted to be better for you. It sounds like there may have been an underlying issue that the vet missed. I have a purebred black and red German Shepherd. She is 3 and a half years old and also a big girl at 80 pounds. I named her Mystique. She gets cysts, though I don't know why. They are harmless until she pops them and they get infected. I am also going to have x rays of her hips because I have noticed on a few occasions that she takes a bit longer than she should to get up.

I don't know where you are located, but if you were close to me I would invite you over to hug on Mystique. She would love it.
Susan Walker
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MAlcindor
Your Sasha is a beautiful girl and I am so sorry for her loss. I know there is absolutely nothing I can say to you to make you feel better because you need to go through all the emotions that come with the shock of losing a loved member of your family, someone you love as a child. The anger, guilt, blame, and unrelenting grief you are feeling is something everyone on this forum has gone through or is now going through. The pain of losing our babies is like no other. I lost both my babies recently and I can tell you that I am still feeling the guilt and anger for their passing. Unfortunately we have to realize that we are only human and we do the best we can by our babies with the information we have at the moment. If we could all see into the future we would probably do things differently but there is no guarantee the outcome would be any different. It hurts that they have to leave us as their lives are so much shorter than ours. We grieve as hard as we love them. The only thing that has helped me get through the pain has been this forum where everyone understands the pain we feel. Sending you lots of hugs and I hope you find some comfort on this forum.
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Indiana_Andrea
I agree with Millie, Suzie.... it sounds like something else (maybe a whole LOT of something else) was going on with your precious Sasha.  I may live in LaLaLand but I firmly, with all my heart, believe we all live our lives exactly as planned out before we were even born.  That holds true, I believe, for our furry family members too.  I don't believe Sasha died one moment sooner or one moment later than her exact appointed time.  She lived out her destiny.  I don't know why she was appointed here for only such a short time but she was.... and she was very lucky to have been loved by you & your husband.  Her spirit is still with you... even though her earthly body is no longer functioning for her.

xoxo
They never live long enough....
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Millie18
Suzie,

It's just so difficult to digest. The reason why a beautiful young dog like Sasha would have to be taken so soon. The brain can't compute it.

I try to think as Indiana_Andrea does, that there is a certain destiny that is beyond our control and comprehension, but the heart wants what it wants. I go back and forth between being angry that Mill was taken from me so soon and the acceptance that the universe had other plans for her that I will never be able to understand. My heart doesn't care and just wants her back.

For me it's the battle between my heart and my head, which keeps me on the rollercoaster. My vet had told me her disease didn't happen suddenly, not within the 6 weeks that it took for the cancer to take over, this is something that had to have been happening over a longer period and was just not detectable despite the tests. Usually by the time the test results are positive it's just too late.

We feel powerless and confused and I know for me I was very angry about it. You will be missing your Sasha. Those simple daily routines that now mean so much. Those moments are the hardest to live through.

I washed and cleaned out my car for the 1st time since she passed. I didn't have the heart clean out the sand from the beach trip we took 2 days before she passed. When I was cleaning it I park at my back gate to use the vacuum and she would be behind the gate and I would be talking to her while cleaning. Today felt so empty. She wasn't there to talk to and cleaning out the car including her dog hammock was painful. Everything will be cleaned and will be going back into the car even though I won't have a dog in a while, but at least I can feel like she's always riding with me. I can't bring myself to keep it out.

Do whatever you need to that will give you comfort and keep warm memories surrounding Sasha's presence in your life. It's helped me to keep many of her things out, otherwise I would end up feeling completely cut off from her.

Hoping your weekend will be a little more peaceful for you. I'll be thinking about you and Sasha
Diana

Mom to Millie, Roman, Snoopy & step sister to O'Boy
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