SuzieQ8997 wrote: My Sasha was only 5 years old, she would have been 6 this October. She was a full blooded German Shepherd, and like my own child. We raised her from 8 weeks old and saw her grow up into a wonderful dog. She loved to ride in cars, bark at the other dogs in our home, because she was jealous and wanted all the attention. She was scared of rain and storms...and even though she was huge, she'd climb in your lap to protect her... She would sleep in the bed with me at night, while my husband was away for work and I could sleep feeling protected with her by my side.
Sasha passed away Saturday evening and I feel such guilt that it's almost unbearable. About a month ago, she went limp in the hind legs and wouldn't get up. Me and my son rushed her to the vet emergency room, where they diagnosed her with double hip dysplasia along with pneumonia. Luckily, she survived and we brought her home. We were using the harness to hold her rear end up to take the pressure off when she walked and she seemed to be doing very well. But, for some reason she kept a small fever and after several blood tests...things looked normal, other than an underactive Thyroid. So, she was put on Thyroid medicine.
This past Thursday evening, she started acting like she didn't feel well, and we went to bed. Friday morning came and she seemed to be struggling walking. I helped her outside but she didn't want to go down the stairs. But, she was still eating and drinking well and barking as usual.
I had to go out of town and I knew my husband was coming back home that day. I told him to let me know how she was and he said she was still struggling to walk. I told him to take her to the vet in the morning. When morning came, he told me she was better, that he thought she was just in pain. I gave him the vets number and told him to take her, but he kept saying she was doing better and that she was even barking at the other dogs, as usual. But, she had stopped eating. I told him that this wasn't a good sign and to get her to the vet, but he said he googled it and she could not be eating just do to pain. I listened to him.
Why didn't I just leave and come home and take her myself? Why didn't I tell him if he wasn't going to take her that I would come do it? Why did I take his word for it that she was okay? Because later that evening, he calls me panicked because she was struggling to breathe and before I could make it home, she died. I feel devastated. I feel as if I have failed her...what if the vet could have saved her this time, too?
Even if I'd taken her to the vet and they said there was nothing we could do, at least I knew I did everything that I could to save her...but, I feel like I failed her...I feel like he failed her. I struggle with anger against him because he didn't take her to the vet like I asked him to do. Now she is dead and I feel responsible. I should have stayed home with her, I should have made sure she got the care she needed. I know my husband loved Sasha, because he cried when she passed away and in the entire 10 years I've known him...he's never cried. But, I still struggle with anger against him because he didn't take her like I asked and I struggle with anger against myself for ever leaving her in the first place.
I see her everywhere and I miss her greeting at the door whenever I get home...I miss her sleeping with me and keeping me safe. Most of all, I miss my protector, my friend, my little girl. This has felt as if I've lost a child and I can't hardly bare it along with the guilt. I hate myself for letting her down. I should have been there for her....but, I wasn't. If I could only go back...I would do things so differently. How can I ever get over this grief...this anger and this guilt. I will always feel like I failed someone who never failed to love me when I didn't even love myself. My heart is broken and I am devastated.