socalj
It's been almost two weeks since I had to say goodbye to my girl.  I knew it would be tough, but I guess I wasn't really prepared for just how tough it's been.  She was diagnosed with degenerative myelopathy back in September.  She was already in the later stages of the disease before we figured out what was going on. I had been prepared for arthritis or hip dysplasia or something that I could treat.  I didn't even DM existed!  She went downhill a lot faster than I was expecting or prepared for.  Finally her back legs no longer worked, all she could do was scoot around.  She had no control over her bladder or bowels and couldn't even stand long enough to move away when she had her accidents. She had started to rub all the fur of her legs from scooting so much and was even getting urine burn because I couldn't keep her clean during the hours I was at work.  She was all there mentally and wasn't in pain, but her body was failing her and I could see the sadness and frustration in her eyes, especially when she couldn't chase the cats anymore lol.  I finally made the decision to let her go.

I miss hearing her whining at the door waiting to lick my face everyday when I got home.  No matter how rotten my day had been--she always managed to make me happy.  The house is so quiet now.  I've cried pretty much every day since she crossed the bridge.  A few days ago I even bought dog treats out of habit because she was so spoiled.  People are telling me to get another dog, but thing is, I don't want another dog.  I want MY dog.  I want her.  I don't just miss having a dog in the house, I miss having HER here.  The guilt is hard too.  In my head, I know I did everything I could for her but in heart wishes I could have done more.  I think back to anytime I ever yelled at her and feel guilty. I feel guilty for not spending more time with her.  I even feel guilty for not spending longer at the Vet's office after she had passed. 

I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that she's gone and it's permanent.  I won't hearing her snoring at night anymore or be able to let her steal part of my breakfast in the morning.  I know she's in a better place but she took a big piece of my heart with her when she left.  14901_10205121198721953_7935828449390628371_n.jpg
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Bellamum

I am so sorry that you had to say goodbye to your sweet Sasha.  She is beautiful.
I read your post and felt like I could have written it myself.  So many of your thoughts and feelings echo mine from 10 months ago when I made the decision to let go of my gorgeous beagle, Bella, who had kidney disease.
The feelings of guilt that you describe were the same that I felt....I think we all feel guilty about some aspect when we lose our precious babies.  The guilt is unnecessary but we feel it all the same.  We love them so deeply that we want to be able to make everything ok, and unfortunately, there are some things that we can not control and it is difficult for us to accept.
You said that you were not prepared for the level of grief that you are feeling...I agree.  We know that we will be incredibly sad, but nothing can prepare us for the raw, overwhelming pain that we experience and people who do not have the relationship with a dog like we have, just do not understand.  It shocks us.  The good part of that though, is knowing that this is only so difficult because of the deep, deep bond that we shared with them.  We were so very lucky.  This pain is the price we pay for a love that can not be measured.  It is a price that we willingly pay.  We would not give up one second of the time we had with Sasha or Bella, even if it meant we could take away this pain.  We would do it again in an instant.  We were so blessed to be Sasha and Bella's family and we know it. 
I hope that soon you can remember Sasha with more smiles than tears.  I wish you peace and healing.
I don't know what your beliefs are, but I believe that Sasha and Bella are now free to play happily while they wait for us to join them when it is our time.

Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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ahartofilis
Hello there, I too am very sorry for your loss. Sasha is so, so, beautiful! I can also relate to a lot of how you are feeling. Some of your circumstances are similar to mine in that my dear Coco had a disease for a long time but yet by the time she was diagnosed it had spread and I had 3 weeks to come to terms with it all before letting her go.
I really had no idea that the grief would consume me the way it has. Everything you are feeling is so normal for someone that loved their companion so very much!! I felt a strong sense of guilt that I couldn't or didn't do more for Coco. It was also thought at first that she was just suffering from arthritis, as she had a limp in one of her legs. She was 10 yrs. old a healthy Lab mix for all of her life! I had no idea that something else had been taking over her health. After she didn't respond to the pain meds for arthritis I brought her in for an X-Ray. It showed that her entire shoulder had been eaten away by bone cancer. I had few options at that point. I took her home knowing that her days were numbered. Three weeks later this past Dec 7th. it became too much for her. I had to let her go.
It was 8 weeks this past Sunday and I remember those first few weeks of loosing her like it was yesterday. I Loved her so, so much as I know you loved Sasha I am sorry that you are going through this now. I can say that the pain and intensity of emotions those first couple of weeks does subside a little with each day. Yet I seem to be faced with new feelings, like the fact that, as you mentioned having a hard time dealing with the reality that they are really gone. I can relate to that feeling as I still feel that I am dealing with that.
I hope that you find some comfort here. It really helps to know that others have very similar feelings. Again I am truly sorry for your loss!!..........................Sincerely, Andrea
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Larry
Oh, she is a beauty. You do what you think you need to do. Every time I have one to pass I start looking through rescues. When I make that eye contact with the right one they become part of my heart. I have a Basset hound named Sadie(the clown) at the vet right now, been there for a week, not looking good. I picked her up 5 yrs ago off the side of the road, she had been hit by a car. vet cant figure out whats wrong, may be doing exploratory surgery Thursday. 
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jaschutz
Sasha is so beautiful, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dog, London, 6 weeks ago and I see so much of London's smile in your Sasha's face. Your story of Sasha's struggle reminds me of how I lost my first dog, Ashley, eight years ago. One night she just stopped using the bathroom and wouldn't eat. We woke up the next morning and she was paralyzed in her hind legs. It was so devastating to watch her go through that. The same day we put her in the back of our car and took her to a veterinary school in our state and found out that she had lymphoma. We had to put her down that same day. I know how heart wrenching it is to watch a loved one suffer like that. Especially ours pets because they really can do no wrong. It isn't fair. My heart breaks for you. A lot of people will tell you to just get another dog because they can't understand the bond that you shared with Sasha. For me, after losing London, I'm not sure if I can ever have a dog again. Sometimes we love our pets so deeply that we are so broken by losing them that it is unimaginable to love another dog. Some people find it easier to love another pet after losing one. The thing is, there is no right or wrong way to feel after losing Sasha. On here, you will find people who feel the same way as you and some that don't. But that doesn't make what you are feeling any less significant. All we can do is try to muddle through in the best possible way that we can. I am thinking of you and Sasha during this time. Just know that she is happy and healthy again.
Jamie

You can visit London's memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/LONDO001/Resident.htm
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NemoPunkinbutter
I too feel like I could have written your post.  I lost my Nemo last Friday to heart failure, and making the decision to put him to sleep was the hardest thing I've ever done.  Second hardest is learning to live a new life without him here.  Each day HAS gotten a little better, but tonight it struck me for the first time that he's gone, he's really gone.  I do want another dog some day, but like you, I want NEMO back.  There's no replacing him.  There's no replacing Sasha, or Bella, or any of our beloved pets.  Adopting another one may help, but that's your decision to make if and when you're ready.  There are so many furbabies who need our love, but right now our hearts are shattered, taken away by the one that just left us.

May we find peace and comfort in our treasured memories of our precious pooches as we mourn their absence. 

Cindy
Remembering Nemo, ?2004 to 2015, my male Chihuahua mix, my punkinbutter, gone to Rainbow Bridge 01/30/2015 after a year-long bout with heart failure.  Mama misses you, baby.
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socalj
Thank you for all the kind words.  It's helpful to see so many others who understand what's it like.  Most of my friends/family feel I should have moved on by now.  They viewed her as just a pet--but she was so much more.  She was my baby and she helped keep me sane (most of the time lol).  I haven't had any interest in adopting another dog--but I will continue my volunteer work at the animal shelter.  

-Jennifer
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