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MichelleKinkaid

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My heart is broken into a million pieces ... my Rocky cat passed away suddenly very early Thursday morning (6/13/19). I am devastated and my heart hurts so bad. He was my love cat ... always by me ... it was just me and him together. I love him so much and miss him terribly. He would have been 13 in August and I've had him since I got him at the shelter when he 5 months old. I am in shock and disbelief that my Rocky is not here.
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Michelle Kinkaid
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Hi Michelle,

I am so, so sorry for your loss of your beloved Rocky. I too lost my beloved cat recently. His name was Marmalade. An orange & white Tabby cat.

He was a stray that I adopted after our paths crossed in New Mexico. He was believed to be 13 years old by his first Vet. He had been on the streets as far as we could tell for many years. We never found out if he was a stray or a feral cat. He was noble, loyal, kind, gentle, warm, sweet, silly and true. 

He was my "love cat" too. : ***  Marmalade & I had a Secret Club of just the 2 of us. We had a Mutual Admiration Society. We didn't need anyone else to be a member. Just he & I. 

Many of us can relate to what you are going through. I hope you continue to travel through time and heal. Please be gentle with yourself.

XO
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MichelleKinkaid

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My Rocky was an orange and white tabby too. We were bonded together ... it was me and him ... a very special connection. I hurt so much ... I look around for him and he is not here to talk to ... to hold ... to pet ... to kiss him ... to sleep next to ... to be together. I spend many hours doing some of my work from home so we were together for good amounts of time but then there are the times I travel and am away. How I wish I can just hold him and kiss him again. I miss him so very much. ♡

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Michelle Kinkaid

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi MichelleKinkaid,

I am so deeply sorry to hear about your Rocky. He is so handsome. I too lost my Bubby (real name Milo) on Thursday to kidney failure. He was just shy of 10 years old. Bubby too was an orange tabby (ginger attitude) with a little white spot on his belly.

I can completely relate as the pain has been unbearable. I can’t sleep, eat, and I feel like I’m barely functioning to make it through the day to take care of my 8 month old daughter and Bubbys littermate/sister, Lola.

I wish I could hug him and squeeze him and kiss him all over too. What I wouldn’t do to do that again. To smell his belly. He was my best friend, my soulmate.

I too work at home 3 days a week and like you and Rocky, Bubby was always with me. I’m dreading tomorrow. How am I going to do this? I’m not going to see his little face through the arm chair with him pawing up trying to get me to pick him up and hold him and then lay in my arms while working.

I’ve never felt such pain before. Also guilt because we had to make that final decision. If I could, I would have given him my kidney.

I hope with time, we can find peace and remember the good times with our gingers. I hope they show us signs that they’re still with us in spirit. I’m not sure if I’ll ever meet another kitty like Bubby. He was definitely a bright light just like how you describe Rocky.

Hang in there. There are some wonderful people here who know what you’re going through and are here to help.

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MichelleKinkaid

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Oh your Bubby looks so sweet! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and compassion. 

Our situations and pain are so very similar. My Rocky would tap my leg or my arm to say "I'm here ... pay attention to me ... feed me ... let me out". I could easily be distracted by him ... and stop to pet him, kiss him, rub him, talk to him ... get up and just go sit with him or watch him. He was so very present ... he gave me energy. He was always on the bed with me ... near me or up against me or touching me. It's empty here without him ... it was just me and him ... my husband passed away 9 years ago, our dog passed away 6 years ago, my dad (next door) passed away 2 years ago and now it was just us together. He was everything to me ... like you I would rub my face on him and kiss him ... his face, head, paws body, belly ... rub and scratch his back.

The pain is awful and the guilt is terrible! I would have done anything for him. I am torn to pieces inside that I was away doing some work that night and came home to find him in distress and rushed him to the emergency Vet. They said he had congestive heart failure and there was nothing that could be done. If I had only been there, maybe I could have helped him and prevented this outcome. The Vets say no but it doesn't change the enormous pain inside me that I wasn't there when he needed me most ... and he was always there for me. Indescribably painful.

I loved him with all my heart ... completely! I want him here with me more than I can describe. I can only hope for some sign from him that he is now better and out of distress and pain.

I appreciate your message and the support of you and the folks here.

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Michelle Kinkaid
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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #6 
Michelle.very sorry for your loss.and yes he was a very handsome baby.there are a few of us right now who also just lost our orange tabbys very recently
.i just lost my ginger baby reeses june 5 and my whole world has crumbled before me. me and him were also soooo close and he was the love of my life and he loved me just the same..its been 11 days now without him and my heart still hurts so bad and i dont know what to do with myself without him..and i understand how much u r hurting right now..we are hurting right along with you..once again i am so sorry and hope you can find some helpfullness in reading and sharing your story about your ginger furbaby in your time of need
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Jcunnane

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Michelle,

I am with you completely and feel your pain so much. My husband said, the brighter the light, the faster they burn. And that’s so Bubby. He was this enormous light. He would greet me every time I came home. He would help me unpack groceries, he would always come if I called his name, every morning he came running over for a Pepcid (what cat wants medicine?), he would reach up or legs and have us pick him up like a baby, he would play hide and seek, he would wait outside the bathroom door for me if I didn’t leave it open, he would give the greatest Bubby hugs every morning to start the day laying in bed. Like Rocky, Bubby couldn’t get enough of us.

The guilt is so overwhelming. Why didn’t I see the signs earlier? Could I have saved him? It’s the worst feeling in the world when this little soul loved you so much. He too is/was my everything. If they could have given him my kidney, I would have had the animal hospital cut me open right then and there.

There’s so much guilt I can’t even described. We were at our primary vet and at first we thought it was dental or a little infection on his belly. They wanted to give him an antibiotic shot. This kitty has been through hell and back and I said oh is there a pill, he takes one everyday. We got the pills and I gave him one dose and he had the worst violent reaction to it. Instantly violently throwing up, trying to poop it out. Everything. He was never able to bounce back. He wasn’t sick like that before the pill.

We have an 8 month old baby girl and I feel so bad that the last 8 months, Bubby didn’t get the love and attention he was used to. He and his sister were the center of our lives before our daughter was here. And now he’s gone. My heart breaks.

I am so sorry for your losses. My heart aches for you and I know your pain. My husband and I have had some issues recently and he moved out for a month. Bubby was my protector. Sleeping was hard as I kept hearing noises but I would look to Bubby who would sleep at the foot of my bed and if he didn’t perk up I knew I was ok. He was so much more then a cat. He was my life, the love of my life. When I was nursing our daughter he would always come in and lay in her playmate with us. He was always with us. Now he’s gone and it doesn’t seem real.

I have lost people in my life, including my estranged father, but losing Bubby has taken it to a whole other level. I’ve never felt this pain before. Never wished so much he was back in my arms kissing him.

I’m with you, I’m here for you, I completely understand the pain you’re in. We are so lucky to have these special loves in our lives. I just with they were here with us for longer...

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MichelleKinkaid

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Reply with quote  #8 
I completely understand and feel the same way ... my Rocky was so present in every part of my daily life ... always there ... by my side when I went to sleep and by my side when I woke up. I would be sitting at my desk/computer and he would come and tap my leg to let him out in the yard ... but he wouldn't just want to go out ... he wanted me to come with him. I would go out there with him and watch him walk around and then he would flop down and roll around either in the dirt or on the concrete patio. I would go back inside and continue to work on whatever I was doing and in a short time he would come looking for me to come back out. For the last couple of years ... the first thing he would when he went out was to chew on some blades of grass and often come back in the house to release the contents of his stomach. This was probably to help his stomach issue. Often Rocky would vomit within about 15 minutes of eating and then want to eat again. He always ate dry food and was not particularly interested in the wet food. Vet thought either he was eating too fast or he could have Inflammatory Bowel Disease. We had done many tests and there were some results that indicated possible IBD. We tried different foods to see if that would help. Maybe if I had just given him some medication sooner his body wouldn't have gotten to such a stressed place? I'm second guessing everything now. What could I have done differently? Maybe it was the fluids given on Monday that triggered the Congestive Heart Failure on Wednesday night? He trusted me and relied on me and I feel I let him down ... I wasn't there when he went into distress ... I wasn't able to save him. This all haunts me and rips me apart inside. I don't know what to do without him. I am so very sad.
My sister has had me come over and stay with her as she has some cats and thought it would be good for me to be there. It's good but I miss my love cat Rocky and will forever have a hole in my heart. Nothing seems to ease the pain.

I'm thankful for you sharing your story and appreciate the comforting messages here. Many thanks for the healing wishes ... I wish the same for you.

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Michelle Kinkaid
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sarahmistry

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi Michelle.i lost my cat Rocky in March to cancer. He is missed every day and I don't think my heart will ever mend. I've cried a thousand tears over him and nothing helps the pain I'm afraid
Time is not helping me so I share your pain too. I hope you find the strength to get through this xx
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MichelleKinkaid

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Reply with quote  #10 
I'm so sorry that you too lost your beloved Rocky. Nothing helps ... the loss hurts so very much. When you look and they are not there and you can't hold them, kiss them and pet them ... the pain remains and tears you apart inside ... and tears flow ... many, many tears. I think about him all the time. I ask myself "What if" ... "if only" over and over. I've spoken to several Veterinarians and they have all said that Congestive Heart Failure is irreversible and there is nothing that can be done.  I'm suspecting that the same may be true with a diagnosis of Cancer. The end result is we do not have our loving little guys with us anymore and it is devastating. I want him back so much. I miss him terribly. I share your pain and loss and the immense love we have for our Rocky cats.
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Michelle Kinkaid
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zahavah

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Reply with quote  #11 
I am so so sorry about Rocky. I know the feeling, and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Going home and waking up is the hardest for me, waking to not see him there next to me and come running downstairs with me nearly tripping me every time. As days pass, it is not getting easier but trying to move on with life and it sucks. You are so lucky you got to have 13 beautiful years with him, i would have given anything to have more than 2. hang in there, we are all here to help each other. HUGS
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #12 
Zahavah,

You just put a smile on my face in this dark time remembering all the times my sweet Bubby would just sit in the middle of the hallway while we’re walking with laundry baskets and whatnot and he just wouldn’t move. We would always say “oh don’t worry about it Bubs, we’ll move” then he proceeded to keep sitting where he was. I can’t even tell you how many times I tripped over him.

Thank you for jogging the funny memory. I needed it.

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MichelleKinkaid

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Feeling sad and lonely and missing my sweet boy, Rocky. It's garbage night and the time I would clean his cat box. This is the third garbage night without my Rocky ... I am reminded of the many times I didn't really want to have to clean the box ... how I wish he were still here and I could clean the box. Feeling so lost and alone without him. I miss him so very much. I sure wish he was still here with me. 

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Michelle Kinkaid
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Jcunnane

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MichelleKinkaid
Feeling sad and lonely and missing my sweet boy, Rocky. It's garbage night and the time I would clean his cat box. This is the third garbage night without my Rocky ... I am reminded of the many times I didn't really want to have to clean the box ... how I wish he were still here and I could clean the box. Feeling so lost and alone without him. I miss him so very much. I sure wish he was still here with me. 


Hi Michelle,

I completely understand. The little reminders and what used to be hassles are now something you would do in a heartbeat. Bubby waking us up at 4am for food. I would wake up at 2am if he was still here. It will be 3 weeks on Thursday. Still doesn't seem real. Seems like he's on vacation and will be back soon. My heart is still in pieces and has a huge void. I'm emotionally drained. 

I hope you're doing a little better. These little orange ones sure do know how to make a mark on our hearts.

Hugs,
Jackie



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MichelleKinkaid

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi Jackie,
Thank you. It will be 3 weeks this Thursday for me too (realizing it will be July 4th of all days) and I feel the same ... that this isn't real ... it can't be ... he is just away ... or outside and I can't find him right now. Everything was so sudden for me ... no warning ... at least none that I was aware of. I search in my mind for things that maybe I missed ... was there some sign and I missed it? Did he try and let me know and I didn't see it? There are a million questions running around in my head but the bottom line is that my Rocky is no longer here with me. There is a huge hole in my life and my heart. The emptiness is overwhelming. I walk around calling his name and saying "I don't believe that you're not here".

I'm so sorry that you are going through the same thing ... in what looks like the same time frame. 
Hugs to you too,
Michelle

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Michelle Kinkaid
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