AnnieBirdseed
I can't even believe this.  I can't believe I haven't seen my boy for over three weeks already.
I feel him though but I wish so badly I could hold his little self in my arms again.  He especially
liked to sleep on my chest while I was laying down in the bed and he'd purr and it was such a
comfort.   But my poor little boy got really sick and he was in pain and I could tell he was desperate
to get away from the discomfort.  And so I had to do it and I set him free.  I wish there had been
any other answer but there just wasn't.   He was only nine years old and he suffered all his life
from illness he caught at a cat refuge where I adopted him from.   They had a bad flea problem and
he got bartonella and then he got irritable bowel disease and there was very little that worked for
long.  Slippery elm worked for a while and different diets worked and then the only thing that helped
was Flagyl or else he'd get bloody diarrhea.   He was such a smart cat and would watch television
with me.  He knew right away if there were birdies or cats or mice or other furry critters on the
screen and he'd just watch so intently.  I fed the birds at the windowsill because he adored watching
them and he spent many early mornings right there staring at the mourning doves as they were his
favorite birdies.   He loved the dvd "The Wild Parrots Of Telegraph Hill."   I don't think I'll ever be able
to watch that again, not without my boy.  He was a very beautiful cat too, all black with one small white dot on his chest and he was big too, twenty four pounds.  He always thought he was hungry although he really didn't eat that much but he just got huge anyway.  My heart pains me in a very
real way.  I told him to wait for me, that someday, I will be coming to where he is and we will be
happy and healthy and young together forever.   I have his photo right where I can see it first thing
in the morning and last thing at night.  It's a great photo and the eyes look like they're staring straight at me and in fact, he was indeed looking right at me when I took the picture.  I'm so grateful to have it.  I was a very fortunate woman to have known a cat like that.  God bless you Purrfect.  I will always love you and I will never forget you.
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Mistysmama
What a lovely tribute to your dear Purrfect. You loved him so well, I can see that. 
I am sorry for your loss of him. It hurts so much when they have to go. But you are right, they are just going on ahead of us....we will be there with them one day. I do believe that love that never dies definitely re-unites us with our loved ones.
Blessings and a big hug for you from me XX
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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AnnieBirdseed
Thank you Misty'smama for telling me about your dear doggie.  I lost a cat to feline breast Cancer in 2003 and that was terrible too.  But yes, I do think that someday I will see them again.  Love is as real as any thing in this world and I don't see how it is possible for it to simply disappear.  Yes, I will grab on to the love and it will light our way back to each other again.
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cleopatra
Sorry about the loss of your dear Purrfect. 
Jennifer Swanton
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heartsick

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Purrfect.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Love is Love and Grief is Grief- there is no difference.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -
LOVE NEVER DIES.

The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please come back and post some pictures so we can get to know him through you.

If you read the beginning of any one of our threads from the first page you will see yourself.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

You Are In My Thoughts.

Susan(heartsick)

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AnnieBirdseed
Thank you Susan and Jennifer.  I'm so sorry that you too are experiencing this fierce grief.  It roars inside me constantly and
I don't even try to ignore it or "get over it."   I welcome any thoughts of my dear boy and could no sooner "put him out of
my mind" than I could put him out of my heart.   I have been fortunate in that I feel he has visited me in dreams.  I don't
always remember what they were but I do wake up feeling him and his presence.    I am ashamed to admit this but I want to
be honest and I can't deny that it brings me comfort to know there are others who understand and are experiencing the same
thing I'm experiencing.  Not that I would ever wish this sorrow on another - I would never.  But it is helpful to read the letters
about what other people are going through - to know I'm not alone.    I will go and find out how to post my Purrfect's photo
right now.   He was a HUGE boy.  Twenty four pounds.  Yes, he was overweight.  Most irritable bowel cats do have problems with
their weight because when their tummies are empty, it hurts them.   The stomach acid irritates the inflammation inside their
tummies.  He was big and beautiful and slept right on my chest every night, all twenty four pounds of him.  That's why I always
called him my "little man."
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AnnieBirdseed
My beautiful boy Purrfect
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AnnieBirdseed
sleeping on daddy
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Sparrow99
Purrfect is so beautiful!! He was so very lucky to have found you and you to have found him! I hope you are finding some comfort tonight Anne. And that you can feel Purrfect's love all around you...

Peace,

Finn's Mommy, Sparrow
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AnnieBirdseed
Oh Sparrow, I am in the worst pain right now.  I miss him so badly.  It's been a month and a day and I'm still in shock.  Everytime I remember that he died, it just hits me like a freight train and I can't hardly stand it.   Wasn't he beautiful?   Your Finn was gorgeous too
and I could see the personality in his face and the love in his eyes.   What a little love machine he was.  I can see it.   Purrfect was also a very darling cat.  He absolutely loved people.  Only the vet - he was so bad at the vet - they hated to see him coming LOLOL.  But anybody else and he was nuts for their attention.  A real people cat.  Anyway, thank you for saying nice things about my Purrfect.  By the way, that was a very nice artful thing that person did with the photo.  I am sorry, I forgot her name - I'll look later but right now I just can't hold still.  I miss my boy.  I will never stop missing him.
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heartsick
He is just beautiful! Thank you for sharing the pictures.
Where you are right now - between 4 and 6 weeks after a loss-
is a grief milestone when it all comes back and we hurt like it has
all just happened all over again. Another milestone is 4 to 6 months.
and then the One Year. Each time the healing goes a little tiny bit deeper.
We are all here for you.
Susan(heartsick)
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AnnieBirdseed
Thank you Sparrow and Susan for complimenting my handsome boy.  He is beautiful and I will always be so proud of him.
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AnnieBirdseed
I think I better explain something.  I have been through this before, more times than I want to remember.  I'm not young
you see and I have lost quite a few animals during my life. I'm afraid it does not get easier either but in fact, worse every time.
I will say this though, I do feel my boy around me still.  People here keep reminding me to pay attention to that little light of
love and cling to it and I am, I am clinging.  It does help a bit.  Time doesn't seem to be making much of a difference though.
I still feel that initial shock every time I remember that he has died.  And I do remember it about a million times a day.  From
the second I wake up till the second I go to sleep and then I know I dream about it.  Sometimes I dream that he's with me and
I am grateful for it.  Even though I don't exactly remember the dream, I can feel it.  He was with me in my sleep.  I am in so much
pain that I can barely stand it.  It is a physical thing that I feel in the core of my being.  A horror in the corner of my eye, the
sorrow is present and with me every single second.   I've had about two or three minutes here and there where I got distracted.
Otherwise, I'm just in the middle of it.  Sadness and pain that I couldn't save my little boy.  He was desperate to get away from that
pain and I had to free him.  I am so sorry this had to happen to him.  My precious angel.
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julieandfurbabies
Im so sorry for the loss of all your babies Annie.  So it never does get any better then?  Gemma was my first baby that I have lost.  I have three other three fur babies with me. i am dreading that time. My love to you my dear friend.  Read the poem at the bottom of my sig...it is so comforting
Again I am so sorry for all your losses x  
Love Julie x
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AnnieBirdseed
Thank you for your comforting words Julie.  No, it never gets easier because you love every one of them in a special and unique way.
Consequently, the path through the grief is not something you can remember or get used to.  It's different every time.  I'm so sorry you lost your beloved Gemma.  I wish I could be of more help right now.  I will try again in a little while.
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