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kristenharlow

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Reply with quote  #16 
I'm so sorry you're struggling extra hard today. That's the thing about this kind of grief: it's not a straight line. Perhaps the hardest part is the fear of the next wave of agony. However, that wave of agony, while it hurts so much, and is so dark and so hopeless, is not only a wave of agony. It's also a wave of healing. With it, another layer of the grief is softened into loving memory. Slowly, we'll return to balance. Slowly, but surely. We don't want that now. Balance feels like letting go. But one day we'll be new again. And they'll still be with us, even then. That doesn't really change anything, but I do find it to be a helpful to remember.

For me, the waves come throughout the day lately. I think of the way everything once was, what I once considered to be normal, and that's all gone. My baby is gone and so is a part of me. It's still almost impossible to believe. It's only been a little more than 2 weeks, almost 3, but still. I can't quite connect reality with the horror. 

Do you have a blanket or a toy you can carry with you? That's what I do. I have his little blanket that he slept on every day with me at all times, literally. God I miss him. My baby. Sending you love.

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f_defillo1

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Reply with quote  #17 
It is hard, like we all have experienced, it comes in waves. We all look for a purpose for things happening, sometimes there's not a purpose that will make us heal faster. In my case and your case it was a tragic accident. I've been really hard on myself, on what I couldve done to prevent it. With time I realize we're not perfect. We learn and move on. As time has passed, we decided to bring a new puppy into our lives. So I try to apply the lessons I learned with my previous dog with this dog. And I give all my love and care to this dog now. As time passes you will begin healing, you wont realize it, but It.will happen. There's times I think alot about Jack and cry, revert back to the time of the event, but there's nothing I can do to bring him to life. I use this experience to take extra care with my new dog and even my family. Go for walks in nature, they always help me soothe the pain. I wish you the best and hopefully later you're open to bringing another pet were you can give all your love again.
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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #18 
Quote:
Originally Posted by meganrose577
I'm trying really really hard to find any sort of good in this entire situation and I'm struggling a lot. I can't seem to figure out why something so horrible could happen to my sweet pup who never did anything bad in his life. Everyone always says "everything happens for a reason" but what the hell was the reason for this... What good can possibly come out of me losing basically my child?? Please someone help me understand... I miss my dog so much and I thought I was doing ok with coping but I've noticed a lot of recent waves of excruciating pain and tears.


Hello Megan,
First, I want to tell you how terribly sorry I am for your loss.  I'm not a believer in things happening for a reason. Too many pets and people are harmed or killed, so to me, there never is any reason, or good reason. I grieve and I cry.  I lost my young dog unexpectedly and I was given no explanation. There was no reason for him to die.

It's not as new for me, as for you, and you witnessed the tragic outcome.  I wish you had not seen that.  I don't wish that on anyone. This is so tragic for you.  I never understand why these things happen and I am much older than you and I still can't figure it out. My conclusion is there is no good reason. Parker was also like my child and he's gone for no good reason. 

I wish I had the right things to say. You are hurting now, most likely in shock and disbelief. I still struggle with those things and it's 10 months for me.  Give yourself some alone time to get your thoughts together. Then talk with people who understand. This forum is the perfect place to be.  We all have a loss of some kind. People here understand, no matter what the circumstances are of their loss.

Again, I am sorry for you, for your loss.  If there is a Rainbow Bridge, I don't know what to believe anymore, but if there is, I hope Scout and my Parker have their health restored and are playing together in the nearby meadows. We can only hope that one day we will be reunited with them. Take care.

~ Parker's Mom


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Lu

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Posts: 29
Reply with quote  #19 
So sorry, we all know what you're going through. I thought I was doing so well and it hit me again last night (the realness and permanence of it) and I had a crying jag. I want so bad to be able to connect with her. I know all about the guilt and regret too. Lulu's collar was a bit too big/loose. It has kind of stretched out over time and I didn't think it was a concern because I thought if it ever got caught on anything she could slip her head out. That ended up contributing to her passing. :( It did get caught on something and she choked. It was kind of a stretchy cat collar, she was tiny and her other XS collar was just too bulky on her. (I still don't know how she managed to get herself into that predicament, it was kind of a freak, very unlucky accident) I obsess and fantasize about getting home in time to save her but she was very obviously gone when I found her. :( Just a few days prior I had been looking at new collars because hers was kind of falling apart and getting grungy looking. I couldn't find just the right one so I moved on. Believe me, there are so many things I wish I'd done differently. :( 

I also can't imagine what reason there could be for this happening. I have been trying to get in touch with my more spiritual side (but in an attempt to connect with her somehow) so maybe that will lead to some sort of positive event in my life eventually, but I just don't know. I don't know why these precious, pure beings with so much love to give have to pass on so tragically. My girls and I are going to make a shadow box in her memory this weekend and some Lulu themed Christmas ornaments. I have been meditating to try to clear my mind but that seems impossible. My goal is just a bit of peace and relaxation and to hopefully expand my consciousness a bit to be more open to a potential sign/communication from/with her. I do keep finding heart shapes in things - a rock, a curled leaf, even my other dog's pee spot on the newspaper - twice! (I know, it's weird, I know) Maybe it's just wishful thinking/desperation.  I thought she was giving me a sign through the lights I put in the tree over her resting place but turns out they just weren't charged enough. They are solar and I live in Seattle.  I'm so, so sorry. Hang in there. Hugs. 

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kristenharlow

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Reply with quote  #20 
Lea, I didn't know the full story about what happened to Lu. That must have been absolutely horrible to discover. I am SO sorry. 
You are absolutely correct about meditating and discovering the unknown in that way. Lu will show herself to you if you continue to open yourself to it, using meditation and curiosity. I speak from much experience.

The hearts you're seeing? I see them too. I take pictures of them and post them whenever I do. They mean something. They are a gift from the universe, and from Lu. Never doubt it. You are finding the way by making out of this horrible tragedy a means to see things you could not see before. It's very impressive and brave.

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Lu

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Reply with quote  #21 
Thanks for your comforting words, Kristen <3 Yes, the way I found Lulu was a nightmare. So far, probably the worst day of my life. Of course you know that feeling. :(I  promised her so many times that I'd never let anything bad happen to her. That's why I have to look at the photos of her - to try to get that last image out of my head. 

I will definitely continue meditating, I appreciate your encouragement. I am also glad to hear your perspective on the hearts I keep seeing! 😉 I kept the rock/small chunk of gravel and will photograph any others I see, also. I hope you are hanging in there as well as possible. Hugs to you. 

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meganrose577

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Reply with quote  #22 
Has anyone noticed resentment towards people who still have their pets? I have. I’m sure it’s because my pup was so young and there are so many things (especially around the holidays) that I never got to do with my puppy that other people I know are getting to do. It just makes me upset that I’ll never get that experience. Can anyone relate...?
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Living_with_tragedy

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Posts: 149
Reply with quote  #23 
Hi Megan,
I'm not sure about resentment. I still have 2 of my dogs. My other dog was young and healthy, but he tragically passed on Xmas Eve.  Even though I have his brothers, I won't be celebrating the holidays for a long time.  My holidays have been ruined by the vet who killed my dog.  I resented that he celebrated his holiday last year while my dog was in his morgue in a plastic bag. That's who I resent.

I still grieve and the time is coming up, so I am not in good spirits. I understand how you are hurting.

Take care,
~ Parker's Mom
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f_defillo1

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Posts: 21
Reply with quote  #24 
I felt sadness, but also Joy my sisters lets were alive. Not really resentment, but I can understand how you feel. If people brag too much about their pets, especially social media, then I might get bit upset, but Im Im happy though the pets are alive. Both my sisters pets came to give me comfort as if they knew I was in pain. Now that I have my own dog I can share new memories with her along my sisters dogs. Its a tough deal to handle anyway you slice it, just be open to feel and know for sure its not their fault or your fault how you feel.
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