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Ronnie

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Reply with quote  #1 
It's been 3 weeks and 3 days since I lost my precious baby boy Talyn. He meant the world to me. He died less than 5 minutes before I pulled into the vet parking lot! He always had tummy trouble his whole life. I assumed that what I saw was the 'same old same old' and watched him for a while to make sure he was ok. It looked like the worst had passed at 6pm and he was sitting there just chilling and looked normal to me. I planned on checking in him every hour...and then at 8pm for no reason, I fell asleep! I woke up 5 hrs later and walked into the living room to check on him. He stood up, took one step to me, and fell over. I almost had a heart attack on the spot. I immediately rushed to get him help, got lost a few minutes on the way. I heard him cry out to me from inside his carrier, and I said "hang in there Talyn, we'ere almost there baby boy!". It's the last thing he heard me say to him :(
just -minutes- later I was at the vet, and he had stopped breathing. I wish I had never lay down so early. I missed those last 5 hours when he became feeble. They say it may have been a bladder infection, he had become septic and the blood tests shows some things that point to an internal infection of some sort. He might still be alive if I had gotten there earlier. I feel HORRIBLE for waiting too long, and even worse for unintentionally falling asleep. I miss my precious Talyn so much I feel sick to my stomach! I will never forgive myself. He was only 11 years old...I made a memorial for him.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TALYN001/Resident.htm


image000000.jpg  Talyn-on-stairs-lotuslanding-resized.jpg 


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Ronnie A
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #2 
I know that you are overcome with feelings of guilt about the death of your precious baby boy Talyn and the feeling that if you had just not gone to sleep he would be with you....well maybe, maybe not.  When serious infections develop sometimes antibiotics work but many infections have become resistant to the treatments we have available. And you don't know what other underlying health problems he may have had.  You did everything you could given the circumstances. The positive thing, if there is anything positive in your experience is that your precious Talyn died naturally and you didn't have to make the agonizing decision to put him to sleep if  the infection could not have been cured. 

You are now going through the intense grief we all experience when we lose our beloved fur babies regardless of the circumstances.  Your feelings of being physically sick are a part of the miserable grieving process which is occurring because you loved Talyn so much.  You were blessed to have your beloved Talyn for 11 years. Over time perhaps the many wonderful memories you surely have of your life together will come more into focus and be of some comfort.  For now you are with people  who understand your grief, your guilt, your struggles and all of the rest of your feelings.  I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved Talyn and all of the pain you are going through.

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Patsy
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FishsticksMom

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Reply with quote  #3 
I am so sorry for your loss of precious Talyn. I lost my baby of 14 years last Thursday. Your grief is real and deep and can be unforgiving at times. You will go through many emotions but you are not responsible for Tayln's death. You are responsible for the joy of his life. I spent the first several days thinking about my Fishstick's final 6 hours, which were painful for her, and blaming myself for not having the knowledge to help her more. But those final hours do not define her life with me and Tayln's final hours do not define his life with you. You did the best you could for him. They don't tell you when they feel ill, they don't say "Hey. I want to go to the doctor. My stomach hurts." They go about their business and deal with it and you just don't know. Quite frankly, I don't think they want you to know.
I fell asleep too because she was just resting and at 230am woke to her cries and just did the best I could to comfort her with the little knowledge I had. I know the guilt you are feeling but you did what you could with what you had. Talyn knows you love him. He knows you let him be free and he wouldn't have wanted to be inundated with vet appointments anyway. Fishstick had 2 years of oncology appts and I am positive, if given the choice, she would have told me to stop taking her to the vet, stop giving her those awful medicines and just let her be. I think about that a lot. Her vet appts were more for me than her. I just couldn't let her go.
Your feelings are normal and they are okay and you grieve as long as you need. Grieving is healing. I have sadness, guilt, anger at God, I cry at a moment's notice, I think of our times together and then it starts all over again. I talk to her all the time. You may do the same. It's okay. You will heal. You have to go through something in order to get somewhere. This takes a long time, I'm told.

I offer you peace and love and condolences as you grieve beautiful Tayln. You were a good friend to him. He knows this. He's watching over you now. Let him and be kind to yourself.
Condolences,
Tara
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #4 


Dear Ronnie,

I am also very sorry to read and learn of your recent loss of your beloved boy "Talyn." Thank you for sharing a bit of his story and those delightful photos. That upside down pose in the first photo image, we nicknamed "The Pineapple Upside Down Cake" pose for some reason. Lol. Why? I don't know.

There are a few of us who have also lost "Orange Boys" here. Some of their names are "Rocky", "Bubby" (aka "Milo"), "Reeses", "Jagger" and my boy "Marmalade." Now Talyn can join the "Orange Boys Club" if he is interested and you approve. They are our "Lost Boys" too. Like in Peter Pan. 

The cats mentioned above were all colorful characters and very loved, adored & cherished. They were more than family to us. They were our "Spirit Animals." We are all beyond heartbroken like you.

Welcome to this forum, despite the sad and unfortunate circumstances. There are many people here (especially the long term Veteran's) who are wise, experienced, kind, warm, loving, caring, compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic and witty. This place has been a Godsend for many of us who visit. At times it has been the only place where we can truly express our feelings and emotions, without being judged or misunderstood. I hope you find it comforting in some way too.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James


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Ronnie

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi,

Thank you for the kind words. I've never felt so much remorse and guilt. I misinterpreted what was going on until it was too late...I do talk to him in hopes that he out there somewhere. It's been difficult maintaining my composure at work. I appreciate your reply very much.

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Ronnie A
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Ronnie

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi,

Thank you. This site is definitely amazing and I think I would have lost it even more without the feedback from others like you. I feel like I let him down by not being diligent enough. He can definitely join the club. He actually changed the way I feel about Orange tabbies. I appreciate your kind words.

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Ronnie A
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #7 
Dear Ronnie,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Talyn. What a cutie! As James mentioned above, I'm the parent of one of the orange boys, Milo, aka Bubby. I always felt like I was yelling at him if I called him Milo 😉

Please know you did everything you could to help your Talyn. We're humans. We need sleep. It's not your fault. We all wonder about the what-if's and what-about's but in the end it won't change our present day. It's been 7 weeks this coming Thursday that I had to help my precious Bubby who was almost 10 to the Rainbow Bridge. I have to say it was the hardest, most tragic and dark day I have experienced. He was and still is my everything. That day is still so vivid in my memory but I can tell you it does get "easier." Whatever easier really means. The tears aren't as overwhelming as they once were, the weight is not so heavy on my chest, the lump in my throat is slowly going away. I still have moments of extreme sadness but I try to remember my sweet orange tiger boy doing the "Pineapple Upside Down Cake" pose and all of his goofy mannerisms and his unconditional love. Like Talyn, Bubby loooooved that pose. 

It was until his passing that I found out that Bubby was my rock. He is my hero and warrior from surviving previous major illnesses/surgeries but he was my rock. It's been so so hard without him. I honestly don't know what I would have done without the wonderful people and now friends on this forum. They helped me through some of the most tragic and overwhelming moments in this horrible horrible journey but they are always so compassionate and have actually made me smile and laugh at time. So please know, we're here for you. We'll lend you a virtual shoulder to lean and cry on, we're here to listen, we're just simply here. You're not alone. We know how you feel. I hope you find comfort here as I have.

Talyn is still with you. Don't forget that!

Sending you hugs,
Jackie

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Bubby's (Milo) Mommy - Always & Forever My Little Man 💜

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Ronnie

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Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #8 
Hi Jackie,

Thank you for the kind words! You are right about the lump in the throat, the pit in my stomach aches. I come home to an apartment that we lived in together for nearly 9 years, and now he isn't there running up to gree tme and tell me how much he missed me. It's hard to even sleep in my place anymore, but I don't want to leave either because I'm surrounded by all his memories. Talyn was my rock as well, through many dark and depressing times. He was the center of my peace of mind. I appreciate your understanding very much!

sincerely,

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Ronnie A
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #9 


Hi Ronnie,

You wrote:

"Talyn was my rock as well, through many dark and depressing times. He was the center of my peace of mind."

as Jackie always says about her Bubby (aka Milo), about his being "her rock" and your Talyn being "your rock", my cat Marmalade was "my rock."

He literally saved my life through severe darkness & depression too. He stayed with me and refused to leave me, when others abandoned me and betrayed me (all humans) and literally left me for dead. I had pneumonia, in 18 degree freezing weather and was left homeless, without so much as a jacket. I had to use Sheriff's to extract Marmalade from a warehouse, where he was being held for ransom against me. I barely got him out of there and then we were on the road for 3 1/2 months.

Marmalade was more noble, dignified and true than any human being in my lifetime. As Jackie wrote "he was my hero."  : ** ) 

All people should be so blessed as we have been to have known such sweet, caring and loyal souls.

Best regards,
James
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FishsticksMom

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Posts: 18
Reply with quote  #10 
Ronnie,
Oh, I know this feeling. My house feels changed without my girl. They are our best friends. Fishstick would greet me and walk around the yard with me. We were a team. Every corner of the house has her in it. It is so so hard to lose your best friend. When the world seems dark, they are the light.

When you feel up to it, maybe post a loving memory of Talyn here. Something that would make you smile through the tears. We all have those. I've been trying to think of those to help me thtough this pain. Fishstick would climb on the roof of the house. Yes, the ROOF. And set off the neighborhood dogs for hours. I would have to get out the ladder to get her down. She loved it. I'm sure there are moments with Talyn. I would love to hear one when you find the strength. It may help.

I am, again, so very sorry at the loss of your friend. I hope that time heals us all.
Tara
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Ronnie

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Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pannklaus
I know that you are overcome with feelings of guilt about the death of your precious baby boy Talyn and the feeling that if you had just not gone to sleep he would be with you....well maybe, maybe not.  When serious infections develop sometimes antibiotics work but many infections have become resistant to the treatments we have available. And you don't know what other underlying health problems he may have had.  You did everything you could given the circumstances. The positive thing, if there is anything positive in your experience is that your precious Talyn died naturally and you didn't have to make the agonizing decision to put him to sleep if  the infection could not have been cured. 

You are now going through the intense grief we all experience when we lose our beloved fur babies regardless of the circumstances.  Your feelings of being physically sick are a part of the miserable grieving process which is occurring because you loved Talyn so much.  You were blessed to have your beloved Talyn for 11 years. Over time perhaps the many wonderful memories you surely have of your life together will come more into focus and be of some comfort.  For now you are with people  who understand your grief, your guilt, your struggles and all of the rest of your feelings.  I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved Talyn and all of the pain you are going through.

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Ronnie A
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Ronnie

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Posts: 51
Reply with quote  #12 
Hi Tara,

Thank you again for the kind words. I was blessed to have him. He changed my life in ways I hadn't imagined. I appreciate the understanind from those I've found here. It has helped take the edge off slightly. 

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Ronnie A
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Ronnie

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Reply with quote  #13 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Ronnie,

I am also very sorry to read and learn of your recent loss of your beloved boy "Talyn." Thank you for sharing a bit of his story and those delightful photos. That upside down pose in the first photo image, we nicknamed "The Pineapple Upside Down Cake" pose for some reason. Lol. Why? I don't know.

There are a few of us who have also lost "Orange Boys" here. Some of their names are "Rocky", "Bubby" (aka "Milo"), "Reeses" and my boy "Marmalade." Now Talyn can join the "Orange Boys Club" if he is interested and you approve. They are our "Lost Boys" too. Like in Peter Pan. 

The cats mentioned above were all colorful characters and very loved, adored & cherished. They were more than family to us. They were our "Spirit Animals." We are all beyond heartbroken like you.

Welcome to this forum, despite the sad and unfortunate circumstances. There are many people here (especially the long term Veteran's) who are wise, experienced, kind, warm, loving, caring, compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic and witty. This place has been a Godsend for many of us who visit. At times it has been the only place where we can truly express our feelings and emotions, without being judged or misunderstood. I hope you find it comforting in some way too.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James



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Ronnie A
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Ronnie

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Reply with quote  #14 
Oh, I forgot to add, yes he can definitely join the club! Thanks again!

sincerely,

Ronnie

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Ronnie A
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #15 

Hi Ronnie, 

Wonderful news! The Orange ranks are growing! Hurrah! Did you know that Sir Winston Churchill also liked orange cats? His Will left specific instructions that one (an orange rescue) must always live at his estate in the UK and be provided for: 


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