bratskulla Show full post »
spiritdog
I definitely meant no offense. I am sorry I angered you. I was not lecturing you at all. I just let you know what happened to me. Again, sorry.
"People disappoint, dogs never do" - spiritdog

"You MUST be your pets ADVOCATE, if it doesn't feel right walk away." - spiritdog
Quote 0 0
shantismom
First of all I want to say how sorry I am for you losing your sweet baby.  I lost my Shanti almost 6 months ago, he was the cat love of my life and I will never have another one like him.  I understand how much you can love a cat, I have love quite a few but Shanti was the most.
Just have others have said I think that all of us feel guilty, we all wonder if we should have done more, or noticed something sooner.  The truth is we all loved our babies and took care of them the best we could.  Your baby knew how much she was loved.
I don't think spiritdog was trying to say anything bad about you, she was just sharing her own experience.  I am famous for saying things that I mean one way but sound another. 
I do believe that in time we can think of our babies with a smile instead of tears, I still have a ways to go but I am 6 months down the road from that horrible day when Shanti left me.  6 months from now you will have made some progress.  I have to say, the road is up and down but we do eventually reach a time of happy memories without the heartache always present.
Marlene Wagner
Quote 0 0
bratskulla
Thank you so much Marlene. It means a lot for someone to tell me that my child knew how much she was loved by me. I try to think back on those moments when I knew and I see many.

I think I will stop feeling guilty pretty soon -- what more could I have done to save her life and bring her back to health? Both the euth vet lady & the crematorian man told me it was a miracle she didn't pass many months ago, much less that she had 3 rebounds.

I made the same decision for my child as I would have for myself. It's like someone choosing not to do chemotherapy. I realized the drug would have seemed to have "worked" but at what cost? And for how long before it caused more damage? What these doctors don't want you to know is you have an alternative choice that's not poison. The trick is you only have a window of time before it is all too late. I felt like I was racing against time.

What if she had died anyway a lot sooner but never being "herself" again on this dangerous drug? I weighed all those options of this drug that I myself would never take and I was deadset against it. Just from dealing with deceased parents, I've seen firsthand toxic treatment killing someone a lot faster than the actual illness. I stuck to my beliefs and of that I have no regrets.

7 months is a lot of time I bought for her. She would have been 17 sometime this year (I've never known her exact birthdate) The 2 days she was feeling so good that she ran up the flight of 12 stairs just a couple of months ago was priceless.  The days she saw so well in the garden I was having a hard time keeping up with her walking was priceless as well.
 
Now if people commenting would just remember that the last thing someone freshly grieving needs is a lecture of what they should have or could have done. Consider someone saying it to you first before you say it to someone else. Once the words are out, the damage has already been done.
Quote 0 0
shantismom
It sounds as though you gave your baby many extra weeks by looking into what would be the best for her.  Your love and diligence gave her a better life.
I will be keeping you in prayer.

Marlene Wagner
Quote 0 0
jonancy
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, her pictures are beautiful. Tuxtales is right when she said you are not a stranger here. Unfortunately, we all have a terrible thing in common. I don't know where I would be without ALL these forum friends here when I lost my baby ten weeks ago today. You did everything you could for her, she was blessed to have you.

Take care,

Jonancy...Scooters mama
Quote 0 0
bratskulla
What sweet words, Marlene and Jonancy. Thank you for keeping me in prayers, I really did think this would be more than I could ever bear.

Unfortunately anger is a part of my grief (they say anger is old hurt) and I feel angry at my family for being emotionally unavailable to offer any words of condolence, like I'll get better if it's all just ignored. Meanwhile, my sorrow is like leprosy to them, and they might get infected.

That's why some of us are here writing, because the people we counted on to help us through our sorrow turned out not to have our "backs." Funny how most of the kindnesses and understanding have been from mere acquaintances or strangers.

I also feel so angry at the last vet who misdiagnosed her, didn't prescribe the most effective herbal diuretic for blood pressure (her specialty was supposed to be "holistic") and wasted weeks and months of precious time with her ineptness. Too bad there's no 100% refund from doctors when they fail so miserably that the patient dies -- maybe they'd try a little harder if they couldn't keep the money.

I wish I could sue the hell out of her but I realize that would just completely hinder my moving forward in any positive way. Suing for an animal's death is taken as a joke in this society any way.

It seemed like the vet office who I gave thousands of dollars to and went to up to 6 times a week could have at least sent me a sympathy card after I called to let them know my baby had died. Maybe they're acting all clinical and unemotional so as not to admit any wrongdoing. But to me it's just common decency to feel sorry for someone going through grief; I certainly didn't feel it from any of the 3 I spoke to (I didn't bother talking to the incompetent vet that told me bluntly and coldly there was no hope) Perhaps my anger will in time go away too...
Quote 0 0
AliceM
bratskulla, I understand the anger you are feeling.  When I lost my Cali, I was expecting the pain and the sorrow.  I even accepted the feelings of guilt.  But the anger left me really confused.  I didn't know why I was angry but just that I was.  I was angry at myself for not realizing how sick my Cali was because had I known, I would have never waited so long to get her help. I was angry at my husband.  He appeared to grieve for our Cali on the day she passed and then the next day, he was able to resume his normal life while I was just barely functioning.  I was angry at God.  I prayed harder than I had ever prayed for anything in my life and when we had to eventually had to put her down I wondered how a truly loving God could just turn his back on his four-legged creations.  And I was horribly angry at the vet.  When we found out on Friday that our baby had pyometra,  the vet said she would start her on antibiotics and fluids and would operate on Saturday.  When Saturday came, the vet said Cali was doing so well that she decided to give her another day to get stronger and would operate on Sunday.  On Sunday, she was found unresponsive and emergency surgery was performed only to discover that Cali's uterus had ruptured.  My husband tried to reason with me, telling me that if she had operated on Saturday as planned and something had happened, I would have said she operated too soon.  He's probably right, but it didn't dispel my anger.  I did finally manage to put my anger aside and send a thank you note to the vet and her staff.  But still every once in a while, I do get angry again thinking if she had stuck to her plans I might have Cali with me today.  I did find, doing some reading online, that anger is one of the major stages of grief.  It didn't get rid of the anger right then, but it did make me realize that it was a normal part of the process.  I am glad that now, after 6 weeks, the anger is mostly gone.  Anger is an emotion that just seems to suck the life out of you.

I do think it was very bad form that your vet's office never sent a sympathy card.  That is such a small gesture that means so much and maybe it will happen yet.  My vet's office took several weeks to send a card.  I thought at the time that they may have waited a while for the pain to subside enough for the card to really have meaning.  I do hope you healing begins soon.
Alice




Quote 0 0
nancynancy
I feel so terrible for you. I did not keep my boy alive when the stupid vet said there was no hope. He had Congestive Heart Failure and a blood clot. I Don't think I did the right thing though. I don't believe in Euthanization, never did. Would have much preferred he go when he was ready in his own little bed, in his home. I can't change that though, but I do relate to how you feel now as I feel the same way. LOST!!!! "Death ends a life, not a relationship". That is yours to keep, and only yours. Hang in there.
Quote 0 0
nancynancy
bratskulla wrote:
What sweet words, Marlene and Jonancy. Thank you for keeping me in prayers, I really did think this would be more than I could ever bear.

Unfortunately anger is a part of my grief (they say anger is old hurt) and I feel angry at my family for being emotionally unavailable to offer any words of condolence, like I'll get better if it's all just ignored. Meanwhile, my sorrow is like leprosy to them, and they might get infected.

That's why some of us are here writing, because the people we counted on to help us through our sorrow turned out not to have our "backs." Funny how most of the kindnesses and understanding have been from mere acquaintances or strangers.

I also feel so angry at the last vet who misdiagnosed her, didn't prescribe the most effective herbal diuretic for blood pressure (her specialty was supposed to be "holistic") and wasted weeks and months of precious time with her ineptness. Too bad there's no 100% refund from doctors when they fail so miserably that the patient dies -- maybe they'd try a little harder if they couldn't keep the money.

I wish I could sue the hell out of her but I realize that would just completely hinder my moving forward in any positive way. Suing for an animal's death is taken as a joke in this society any way.

It seemed like the vet office who I gave thousands of dollars to and went to up to 6 times a week could have at least sent me a sympathy card after I called to let them know my baby had died. Maybe they're acting all clinical and unemotional so as not to admit any wrongdoing. But to me it's just common decency to feel sorry for someone going through grief; I certainly didn't feel it from any of the 3 I spoke to (I didn't bother talking to the incompetent vet that told me bluntly and coldly there was no hope) Perhaps my anger will in time go away too...
Quote 0 0
nancynancy
I have absolutely NO CONFIDENCE in the vet who treated my Zaki, either. (He said, "no hope", put him down, too!) I did, and now I regret it! I have also spent THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS over the last 16 years at his office, (probably upwards of about $50,000). When I brought my boy in a few weeks before he passed for his annual check-up, I told him he was drinking water non stop, and lost weight was this normal? He said "no" but suggested nothing to do about it. He was only interested in doing more gum and dental surgery on my 16 year old boy, (who had no teeth left.) This was a way for him to make $$$$$$$!!!! I will never go back there. I did get a sympathy card and note, but really, he was his patient for 16 years, that was the LEAST he could do! 
Quote 0 0
bratskulla
Alice -- You had every right to be angry at someone in control of such a life or death decision as an operation. It seems that timing is everything. I can totally relate. If I'd just been told about the celery seed extract MONTHS ago by the vet I WAS PAYING TO DO HER JOB. Instead, I didn't find out until it was too late and most any diuretic was too potent for her weakened condition!!!

And I think we know instinctively when they start acting a little "off" -- sleeping more, not playing with the toys, being displeased with food, not jumping as high in their favorite spot.... but the truth is I didn't want to believe she was any way sick, or getting older, because getting sick and older meant eventually dying. It was too unbearable to face. And then there was the problem of where do I take her? Who can heal her? I've had a distrust of traditional medicine for a long, long time now. You can only rush to the doctor or vet so many times before you realize they really aren't any help 99% of the time, unless it's some sort of broken bone or emergency... 

I am glad to hear that a lot of your anger has dissipated after 6 weeks. I am looking forward to not being so angry myself also...Thank you again for your kind words & wishes, Alice.

nancynancy
-- I totally feel your anger. The whole traditional medical industry/pharma is a racket, both for animals and people. No cures. They are clueless as to how to heal so they just make money selling poisons while telling you "It Only Gets Worse. There Is No Hope." Hey, come get another vaccination and we'll clean your pet's teeth. I think we all were brought up to "trust" the doctors and it's a rude awakening when we see so many of them are just clueless.

Also, I too was 100% against euthanasia. Our instincts are always right, as were yours. But you were only doing what you could out of love and to spare any suffering. I can totally see your anger at someone callously saying "just put the animal down" -- hey, why not? They don't care. It's your love, not theirs.
For my first cat it would have been wrong and fate intervened on the day I had decided on, and instead she passed quietly in her sleep 3 days later.
But for this beloved cat, she was just about ready to stop breathing on her own that day and I was positive there would be no more turnarounds.
She was already quietly sleeping and there wasn't even a response to the sedative. So it was as if she had passed in her sleep also.
But when a so-called professional messes up a decision there should be blame.

Your Zaki was drinking water nonstop and this dummy didn't even know why (like the vets I myself saw) -- excessive thirst is CLEARLY either diabetes or kidney malfunction! And if you can rule out diabetes on a test, then it's kidneys, most likely being aggravated by kidney stones building up & clogging! Why don't these "doctors" taking millions of desperate people's money even know the basic inner workings of a living being -- or care to know this -- yet it's something I found out all by myself after researching on the Internet???

I saw so many sick animals at the vet not being cured or helped. They were just there to load up on bulk-discounted (coupon for money back!) months of toxic flea/worm drugs or there to get their "mandated" shots (like I said -- this cat was never vaccinated, and she never got ANY of the stuff the vaccinations are "supposed" to protect against) -- yet when I did a little research i found tons of herbal tonics that cleared parasites in 10 days without affecting health.
Since my cat was indoors, I only gave her the tiny dab of "flea poison" twice before questioning, hey, wait a minute; this is killing fleas -- so what is it doing to her insides? (I began using a flea comb instead -- it works)

I located a very interesting article "
Toxic Medicine, Flea and Tick Shampoos, Powders, Sprays and Dips Are Poisoning Our Pets - See more at: http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.com/AnimalWellness/Avictim.aspx#sthash.TQKpFfmC.dpuf
Toxic Medicine, flea and tick products" in a site called Shirley's Wellness Cafe that actually offers some safe non-toxic alternatives. The pet industry has become just another racket.


Quote 0 0
ahartofilis
Dear Bratsculla, Your baby does have the most beautiful green eyes. I am very sorry for your loss. I read your story tonight. I feel your pain, I feel your anger. You were very proactive with your sweet one. I know how it feels to try so hard for the life and health of our beloveds and then be sadly disappointed by the so called professionals who should know how to do their jobs! I realized a lot of this when my canine companion of 10 yrs., named Coco, was diagnosed with bone cancer this past November. 
  Like you, I was always very hands on with the care of my companions. I understand how disappointed you are with vets that we pay good money to care and do the right thing!!   You gave your companion the best that you could of yourself. She is a real beauty and I feel very strongly that she knew and always will know how much you love her.
   I have found that true grief certainly has a life of its own. I went through so many raw emotions, ups, downs, anger, guilt, and more, those first terrible days, and weeks. It is all normal for such a deep loss. I know that you are having a lot of these same feelings now. I had to let my girl go this past Dec 7th. The raw emotions have subsided with time. Yet she was truly my canine soulmate. I miss her terribly and still grieve her loss.
   I appreciate the very special bond that you shared with your precious lamb. Such a bond will never die. It may take a new and different form, but she is still with you, and always will be!........please take care.................Sincerely, Andrea
Quote 0 0
bratskulla
Dear Andrea ahartofilis,
Thank you so much for sharing your grief and story. That must have been a huge shock to learn of the bone cancer.
All I know of that type of cancer is that by the time it has spread to the bones, it's at a pretty advanced stage. It's just one of those silent deadly things that you have no way of knowing about. And I know all about the desperation and futility of trying to heal and reverse an illness in the advanced stage with no help from doctors.

Although I'm seeing that guilt is a part of grief a lot of times, you have no reason to feel any guilt whatsoever. If your great love could have saved her, it would have.  You did all that you could do to try to save her life.

And I so appreciate you telling me how beautiful my Brats' eyes were. No less than 2 people complimented her eyes when they first saw her.

I had her out in the hallway of an apartment I was living in at the time, this lady came in through the door, saw my cat, then stopped and said "Oh my God, look at the beautiful eyes of that cat -- they are glowing!" She was quite mesmerized. I told her "that's her soul you see shining." I believe that all cats (and animals in general) that are beloved have that sparkle in their eyes. The second time was a neighbor meeting her for the first time who said "I have never seen a cat with such beautiful eyes!" Each time it meant so much to me to hear those compliments.

Your disappointment with the doctors who you were paying to save the life of your loved one is becoming a recurring theme. People that don't understand make excuses like "oh, I'm sure the vet/doctor did the best they could." No, I do not think they're doing the best of anything. What they're taught now in medical & veterinary schools is what drug to prescribe to keep a condition chronic by covering up the symptoms, or how to blow the cancer tumor apart into a million pieces with poison that can turn it into a ticking time bomb that resurfaces as Stage IV -- not how to restore the body back to health. 

For a vet to understand the causes of these diseases like cancer, they'd have to be admitting that the vaccines they're shooting into the animals and the flea drugs they're prescribing can turn cancerous. Or that nasty "big-name-brand pet food" bags of kibble they sell out in the lobby is loaded with cancerous preservatives. They would never admit that something they'd done and made lots of money off of had caused it.

It's like when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer after being put on a hormone drug. The doctor pulled her immediately off of the drug, but never said one word admitting that it had caused the cancer. But my mother knew.

Thank you again for your thoughts and I sincerely hope that your deep sorrow gets more bearable as time goes by. Our soul mates are always with us and waiting for us too.



  
Quote 0 0