Chenillecat
On Monday February 27,2017 My Precious Baby, Matski, crossed the Rainbow Bridge and went to Heaven. I miss her so very much the house is so lonesome without her even with my husband here. For the 14 years that she was with me my life centered around her And now I am lost. Every where I look in the house I can still see her there but I can never hold her again or hear her purring and it just tears my heart out.

Since February 9th I did not leave the house except to take her to the vet for blood work and to try to find out why her liver values were going up even though she was on medicine. The week before her passing was hell on all three of us. Had a biopsy done on the Monday before because the vet said that was the only way to know for sure what was wrong with her liver(hepatic lipidosis) but she just gave up after the biopsy. We had to force feed her with a syringe, give her medicine and fluids to try to help her and she fought us the whole time she just wanted to be left alone to sleep. I thought I was doing what was best for her but it was hell. The Sunday before I took her back to the vet for fluids and another vet in the practice told me it would be best to let her go that she had given up. I wish I had never done the biopsy and she might have had a few more months but we would not have gone through the hell we went through that week.

After the vet came Monday I gathered up all of her things and took them to the local SPCA so that the cats there would be able to use them and because I could not stand seeing them in the house without her being here. 

I used to hate leaving her even to go to the grocery store and now I hate coming home and she is not here. Before when I came in the door I would say "Darling I'm home" and I would hear her hop down off the bed and she would come running to meet me for some loving and give me tummy sugar. 

I miss my precious little baby so much,

Wanda


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VickieL
I understand the pain you're going through because I had to put my own cat to sleep on February 1st. Like you and your Matski, my life centered around my Little Guy....in fact, he was my whole world and I know I was his, too.  All we had was each other and now he's gone and I truly can't stand life without him.

After Little Guy's health took a turn for the worse last June, I hated to leave him alone too but, as you said, it's still hard to go out because coming back and not finding our precious cats waiting for us is so hard to bear. The emptiness hits you like a ton of bricks the second you walk through the door. No one to greet you in joy, no one to poke in the bags you brought home, no one waiting to share the goodies you bought....

Five weeks later, I still have all my cat's things exactly where they were the day I rushed him up to the animal hospital. I can't bear to put them away. I don't know when I'll be able to. Yet it hurts so much seeing his things, knowing he'll never use them again.

Wanda, I wish it hadn't happened to either one of us. You had your cat for fourteen years and I had mine for fifteen...but it wasn't enough time. I had always hoped that I would be one of the lucky people who have their cats live well into their twenties. My sister's cat lived to be 23! But some poor cats don't get to live for even half the amount of years that our cats did. We should be grateful for how long we got to have our cats in our lives and maybe in time we will be. Right now though, I miss everything about my Little Guy... and everything about the life I had with him for so many years.... I even miss taking care of him during the months that he was sick, and the never-ending hope I had that things would get better for him, that he'd get better...

I know you feel the same way about Matski.

As for the regret you have about having the biopsy done, there are things that took place during Little Guy's last seven months that I regret too. Decisions I made that I question now. But it's too easy to look back in hindsight when you know everything now and beat yourself up over things you couldn't possibly have known then. I'm sure you had that biopsy done on the advice of your veterinarian and you did it to try to help your cat. We do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time. And that's all anybody can do.

Matski knew that you loved her and all you ever wanted was the best for her. I hope in time we can both find strength in the happier memories we have of our cats and celebrate their lives at least as much as we now mourn their deaths. Take care, Wanda.







































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Chenillecat
Vickie,

So sorry for the loss of your Little Guy. I know you just wanted what was best for him like I did for Matski .It hurts so bad to know that I will never get to snuggle with her anymore or to hear her purr, that to me was the sweetest sound in the whole universe.

Before I got Matski I had lost two cats to chronic kidney failure so I made sure I did everything to prevent that in her and instead it was her liver that was the problem. It was so quick, in September her regular blood work showed her values were slightly elevated, in January  they had gone up more even though she was on medicine and then in February they were way up. I think she might have only had a few more months if we had not done the biopsy but at least we would not have gone through the hell that we went through her last week with us.  

Went out to the SPCA today to find out about fostering kittens because the house is so lonely without my baby.  I don't know how I can have another cat in her house. I know that she can't be replaced but I am so lonesome. 

Only you can know the kind grief that I feel and I know what you are going through.

Take care,
Wanda

















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RobinK
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it may not mean a lot but there are not enough words to convey how badly it hurts to lose someone you love.

My husband and I completely understand about dreading coming home. Our other three cats and dog know something is wrong and are trying to console us. Nighttime is the worst, sleeping is impossible. How can you look forward to the next morning only to remember a piece of your heart, your life is gone.

We're going to a pet bereavement group tomorrow hosted by our local hospice. I'm hoping for some miracle that will ease our pain just a little.

I'll pray for you, too, for some comfort for your aching soul.
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Chenillecat
Robin,

So sorry for the loss of your Sasha. Sounds like she was loved very much. At least you still have the love of your other fur babies and they will help ease your pain by giving them attention.

Since I do not have children or other fur babies there is not another one to turn to for the love I received from Matski. It is as if my heart was ripped out and is buried with her. I know my husband is grieving too but he just does not understand how much she meant to me and how much of my time was taken up with caring for her and thinking about her. She was always there for me and now she will always be here because we buried her in the front yard. But I will never get to hold my baby again and smell her sweet smell.

I hope the bereavement group will help and I will be praying for you too.  
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VickieL
I think fostering kittens is a wonderful idea, Wanda. In another month shelters everywhere are going to be overrun with kittens and it helps so much when people volunteer to take some into their homes temporarily. And then there's always the ones who lost their mother and need nursing. I'd love to do something like that myself, but I'm disabled and just can't handle the work involved.

I understand too about still regretting having the biopsy done even though you couldn't know at the time what the outcome would be.

I regret ever allowing my vet to give my cat steroids to treat his chronic respiratory infections. It turned out that Little Guy had a heart disease called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, and the worst thing that could ever have been done was to put him on Prednisolone. Because it caused the heart disease my vet failed to detect to go into congestive heart failure. I almost lost Little Guy in June, and even though he survived, he was in frail health every day thereafter.

I don't think vets can always be trusted to do what's best for our pets, which is unfortunate because we have no one else to depend upon but them. 

Today I was supposed to bring Little Guy back to his cardiologist for a recheck. When I made the appointment for him in January, I was fully confident that he would still be here with me to go, because he'd actually taken a big turn for the better...gaining weight (he'd been painfully thin before) and getting the best blood workup results he'd had in months. Then. all at once, the whole world seemed to cave in on my little boy and no one can even tell me why. Why  his kidney counts suddenly skyrocketed....why he  became so anemic the emergency vet said it was like his body had completely stopped making red blood cells and even multiple blood transfusions might not help...why he was already in the process of dying when I rushed him up to the hospital even though, just an hour before, he was eating and scratching at his post... All they knew for sure was that it wasn't heart failure this time.

Maybe it was the heart medications that did him in. Maybe he had cancer. One of the vets at the hospital seemed to think Little Guy might have developed an autoimmune disease. Maybe he had feline aids and nobody knew it. Maybe his poor little body just couldn't take so much stress on it anymore. I don't know and I'll never know. But I'll torment myself forever wondering.

My gut feeling is that the steroids were behind everything from the beginning. And if he had never been put on them, the chances are he'd still be here even with the Cardiomyopathy no one knew he had.

If we didn't love our cats so much, Wanda, it would be a lot easier to do what everyone suggests (including me to other people) and just let the regret and endless questions go...






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Chenillecat
I wish the vet had just told me that she had liver disease and that she only had a few months before the toxins that the liver could not process would cause everything else to stop working and maybe she would have went to sleep and never woke up. Instead her last week was a living hell on all of us with my husband and I trying to force food and medicine in her and her fighting us the whole time not to take it. But what hurts me the worse is when I was trying to get the food in her she would turn to my husband like she was trying to get him to make me stop.

The worst part of all of this is that after Christmas she was friskier and playful like she was a kitten again then the vet did blood work that stressed her out so much that she peed and poop on them then panting like she could not breathe. She got over that and then the biopsy and I think she was just tired of all the needles and poking and prodding that she gave up.

We had a routine that we did every morning that I thought was her routine but today I realized it was our routine. I would open the window and hold her up to it so that she could see what was on the breeze and after she sniffed a while it was time to go get her breakfast and if the weather was nice go out on the back porch and nap in the sunshine or if it was cold get in her kitty hammock in front of the electric fireplace  (I can't even turn it on now.

For 14 years it was all about her now I am lost without her. Thought I had come to terms with her being gone yesterday then it hit me like a ton of bricks today.  
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Izabella_Fur_Ever
Chenillecat, reading your story about Matski just now shows me how much love you have for her and she felt every bit of it while here on Earth. She was a lucky girl to have you for her mom. I'm sorry Matski had such a rough patch... as mom, it hurts to see your babies hurting. Right now, in all my sadness I HAVE TO BELIEVE, my Izabella and your Matski are joyfully playing with all the other animals waiting for their loved ones left behind. If I think about it hard enough, I can see all of our babies becoming friends. Hugs to you and thank you for sharing a bit about Matski. Xoxo
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