Jsuewatts
Hello all- I️m new to this forum. I️ needed a place to release some of my sadness over the loss of my cat, Pistachio.
I️ am a veterinarian in Ohio. Two months ago, a skinny cat came in, in terrible condition. His fur was matted with feces, he was only 5 lbs, and only had one very infected tooth left. Extremely dehydrated and weak. After talking to the owner, I️ convinced them to relinquish the little waif of a cat.
That’s how I️ met Pistachio.
I️ trimmed his coat, bathed him, and removed his painful tooth (under sedation with pain medication of course). I️ found quickly two things- Pistachio loved food, and that he was the gentlest and sweetest cat.
Even in the veterinary hospital, he never tried to hide or retreat. When I️ was seeing appointments, he’d curl up in the wooden cat house I️ made for him, next to my desk.
No matter what I did, he wouldn’t gain weight. I️ ran test after test, and with all normal results, I️ realized he likely had GI cancer.
I️ swore as long as he was happy, and still loved to eat, I’d do anything to care for him. Anything. I️m so blessed to have a job where he could spend much of the day with me.
All the girls at worked fawned over him. We all joked that Pistachio was our rags to riches cat, as he enjoyed wearing his sweaters around.
On Monday of this week, I️ brought him home with me for a night. I️ don’t know why, since he spends most nights at the clinic.
I️ had Tuesday off, and so I️ spent hours cuddling him. He loved being wrapped in a blanket and held like a baby.
Wednesday at work, I️ noticed he was a little more sleepy, but still loved his frequent meal times. Then came Thursday.
Usually Pistachio wakes up when I️ come into the clinic and start talking to him. He had the softest Moran to let me know, I️m happy you’re hear, and Id also like my food!
But Thursday, he stayed in his cage. I️ kissed his head and face, and though he started purring he still didn’t try to stand. I️ tried to get him to stand, but he couldn’t. I️ started crying, knowing the day I️ had dread for weeks was here. I️ spent an hour cuddling him like a baby, and talking to him.
I️ asked my associate if she could please help let him go, as I️ knew I️ wouldn’t be able to myself.
All the girls, his girls who loved him and who he loved, gathered around him to say goodbye. They took turns holding him, saying goodbye. There wasn’t a dry eye in the clinic.
I️ cradled him as he got sleepy after his sedative shot. I️ didn’t want to leave him wondering where I was.
I️ feel like a coward but I️ couldn’t stay after he was asleep. I’ve performed dozens of euthanasia’s, but I couldn’t watch my sweet cat go. I️ hope he knew I was with him until he went to sleep.

I️ miss him so damn much. This morning was so hard. His usual cat beds around the clinic had been washed and put away. I️ didn’t have a sweet old cat to greet me. My technician gave me his little “Think Pawsitive” sweater he’d worn the day he left. I had no one to cuddle on my lunch break.

I’ve lost pets before, and although I only had Pistachio for 2 months, it doesn’t diminish the sadness of his loss. I️ can’t remember the last time I’ve cried so much. It doesn’t seem real. Or fair

Pistachio- you’ll always stay in my heart
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RileysMom
Hi Jsuewatts,

It makes total sense that you’re missing Pistachio so much even though it was only 2 months. You spent a lot of that time nurturing him, caring for him, hoping the best for him. Our brains develop new patterns and habits in just a few weeks, whenever you cuddled Pistachio and looked at him, your brain released the feel good, bonding hormones. It doesn’t take long to become attached, and it hurts so much when we lose them.

It never is fair to lose these little honorable souls that find their way into our lives. They all do deserve so much more. I am very sorry for all that he had to endure. It sounds like coming to you was a blessing for this little guy, being the state that you mentioned he was in. I am so glad he was able to spend his last bit of time, clean, fed, and loved in a warm, safe place. You gave him a great thing by allowing him to experience that before he had to go.

I’m sorry for all the hurting you’re feeling. It is hard, and knocks the breath out of us. Keep talking as much as you need to here and know our thoughts are with you.
Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Sandilee
So very sorry and sad for you. I know your heart is breaking. Thank you for giving him a wonderful and loving home for his few remaining months of life. He knew he was loved and cherished. I lost my sweet Siamese girl, Lucy, 10 days ago from a coyote attack. I am grieving horribly for her. She bought so much joy and happiness to my life and I am lost without her. We love greatly and suffer greatly for our precious fur babies.
Sandi
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Lamont
Ms Jsuwatts

Sometimes they are more than a cat. I am not sure why that it is, or if there is a test for that particular thing. I have had and known a number of felines in my 65 years, but 3 stand out from the rest.

Pistachio was one of those, I bet. "Not just a cat" 

Thank you for sharing his story with us. Our hearts are with you.

Bertie's Daddy
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Jsuewatts
Lamont wrote:
Ms Jsuwatts

Sometimes they are more than a cat. I am not sure why that it is, or if there is a test for that particular thing. I have had and known a number of felines in my 65 years, but 3 stand out from the rest.

Pistachio was one of those, I bet. "Not just a cat" 

Thank you for sharing his story with us. Our hearts are with you.

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Jsuewatts
You’re so right-more than just a cat. I️ think he was so important because he taught me a lot, about what’s important and finding joy in simple things like sunshine (he loved finding a sunny spot)
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catiebee
What a delightsome creature, who brightened up your practice and your life. I'm so sorry for your loss and I wish you'd been able to keep Pistachio much, much longer.

It sounds like you fell directly in love with him the moment he came in your door, with no stopping, no passing "Go."  

I'm so sorry for how hard this loss is on you. You did everything you could to save him, yet he still slipped away. That just tears at the heart.

Raw grief is very hard to bear. Be extra gentle with yourself and take care of you. And write as much as you care to or need to. Hugs!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Jsuewatts
Thank you, each of you, for your kind works. To know that so many understand what it means to go through the loss of a pet, it reminds me it’s normal to go through a host of emotions.
Losing him after such a short time with him has been the hardest pet death I’ve experienced. But I️ have to remind myself that he’s a cat worth being sad over, but also worth smiling about, because at least he was in my life at all.
You are each such wonderful people, and though you’re each here following loss and sadness, I️ am so grateful that this support exists.
My heart goes out to each of you
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catiebee
How are you doing, Sue? I hate that Pistachio's passing has been so hard on you. I hope things are becoming a bit easier as time passes. And I hope you've had good 3D support from people in your life. 

Wishing you peace and comfort.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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sds
I am so sorry for your loss of Pistachio.  I was touched by your love for and dedication to a cat you only knew for 2 months.  I agree with Lamont, that some cats (for just the right person) are "not just a cat"; clearly the two of you connected very deeply.  My cat, Scout, also had intestinal disease and kept losing weight -- especially in the last month.  He seemed to have had a mass in his ear as well causing nerve damage in his face.  Yet, he was still doing his best to live.  Due to scheduling issues and a big snow storm, we had to put him to sleep sooner than he/we were ready.  He was still walking around, trying to eat and drink.  I still feel very guilty.  It seems you did everything you could all the way to the end and you knew it was his time to go.  How fortunate for Pistachio that he had such wonderful care at the end of his life.   I hope you find comfort here and elsewhere.  We are here for each other as we stumble through these painful, dark times.  My heart goes out to you.  
Sharon
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gizmomybaby
So sorry for your loss of pistachio, I think what you did for him was beautiful all the love and cuddles and attention you gave him you rescued him and showed him that love that he might have never felt before coming to you . Hes a beautiful wee guy no wonder you fell in love with him . Sending hugs to you & the friends at work xxx Annemarie
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Jsuewatts
Thank you all so much for your kind words. It makes my eyes well with tears from gratitude. I’ve found ways to cope each day. It’s strange working in the clinic without him asking for cuddles. I’ve thrown myself into nurturing and fostering a little kitten. I’ll always miss my Pistachio, but this little girl keeping my mind off of hurting.

I️ found that having his picture up at my desk, and keeping his ashes have both helped. I️ though it would make me sad, but I️ feel comforted, like he’s never far away.
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