My heart goes out to you for what you are going through
What a testament to you and for families love and devotion that she has had such a long life
I know that doesn't make the thought of losing her easier. I lost my beloved boy Byron 5 months ago , he had just turned 16, he was my constant companion since I adopted him at 8 weeks. I am still having a very hard time coping with his absence . I had convinced myself with all my love and care he would live to at least 20, unfortunately disease took over and a longer life was not to be
You are in a very difficult position , perhaps you could arrange to see her and speak to her through Skype?
At least you could tell her how much you love and miss her
I know it's not the same as being there in person
As far as guilt , everyone here feels guilt over something they did or didn't do myself included, the thoughts pop into my head all the time
I feel like I should have protected him and been able to 'fix' him no matter what, even though that is totally unrealistic
But when you love someone with every fiber of your being and have lost them, everything is up for debate
I truly wish there was something I could say that would help more
Please take care and feel free to continue to reach out for support
Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"