Mattie
I lost my Max to heart failure on Friday May 13th. He was the funniest most stubborn dog I've ever know. The silence in this apartment is deafening. He's at the Rainbow Bridge and I am here.How do people deal with the pain of losing an Angel who spent almost 12 years with me? I had him cremated. I'll pick him up in 5 days.That's a long time. Who do I walk with 2x a day?
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CKMP
Mattie - I am so so sorry for your loss of Max.  The silence is overwhelming and the pain, the loneliness and the sense of 'drifting' is all too familiar.  Your days will be different and after so many years together your sense of what life looks like is altered.  All too well this emotions are familiar.  It is a true physical pain.  I lost my girl in March and still the tears come often and the deep grief in waves.  It is because we love our companions so deeply, so completely and they love us even more so - everyday and through everything.  They are our 'buffers' against a sometimes not too caring world.  You have come to the right place - I hesitated to come to this forum but found it to be a life line through many dark days.  Everyone here is so kind, so understanding and so supportive.  Come often and talk about Max when the time feels right for you.  Let the tears fall when they want - Max is never far from you.  Once the shock, the 'fog' drifts away a bit you will know he is there.  The bond cannot be broken or lost, I believe this, I have to believe this . . . Our companions give us so much by just being with us - Max gave many moments of laughter I am sure and then still reminded you he had his own mind!  Lean on others here . . . Warm thoughts
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Karmen
Dear Mattie,

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Max. I know exactly what you are going through, and it's not easy. I also had to euthanize my precious Niki due to end stage congestive heart failure and liver disease. She passed away May 12th, I just picked up her ashes 2 days ago. I had my baby for 15 yrs. I know about the painful and suffocating silence in my home now. I know about the daily routines we keep with our furbabies. The words, the kisses, feedings, especially the walks and so much more. My home is horribly empty, I feel empty. I used to talk to her all day long as she followed me around. Now I talk to her ashes, I don't know if that's healthy or not but for now it gives me a tiny bit of comfort. I know the grieving process is painful and there's no way out of it. I still have all her toys, bed, blankets, even the food. Call me crazy, I am sleeping hugging with her favorite soft toy, Mr. Lizard, bright green lizard. It's normal to me, I am allowing myself to grieve, my way, the only way that I know. She really was my best friend. I miss her immensely, but I know she was ready and I know I did what was best for her, she was suffering too much. I am so sorry you lost your Max. I am so sorry you are going through the painful grieving process. I know it will be less painful eventually. They will never be forgotten, they will always live in our memories and our hearts. In my Niki's memory, when I'm ready, I will adopt a rescue who needs a family and a home, someone to love him/her. My Niki would like that, because I won't be replacing her, she was very special, I will be adding another loving, loyal companion to our home. May God guide you and comfort you in the process. Best wishes dear Mattie.
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winstonsmom12
Mattie I am very sorry for your loss of Max.  Funny i'm hearing the name Max  a lot lately.  I had a Mini Schnauzer named Max.  He passed in 05.  I have his ashes on my bookshelf along with his pawprint, and cards and letters.  I lost my Winston A Bulldog 3/2/16  I am still grieving him.  I adiopted a l;ittle dog i was fostering.  I walk him the same route i used to walk Winston.  I cry a lot of the time as I'm walking. 

None of us will ever forget our babies.  Winston's ashes are on my bedside table along with his various things.  It is still very new for you in your grieving.  It is something we all have to go through here.  I wish you luck along the way.  Blessings  Sue
Susan
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Bailey15
Hi Mattie,
I am so sorry you lost your sweet friend, Max. You were together for a long time and I know how close you must have been. I lost my Bailey in November. He was 15 (almost 16) We got him at about 10 months old and he had been abused. We also had such an incredible bond so I understand the terrible loss and pain you are feeling. I didn't think I would survive when he died and I think I actually went into shock. I felt numb for a long time and in those moments when it became real, the pain was overwhelming. I did things to try and feel close to him - I wrote letters and notes to him in a journal and I also stated working on a Memory scrapbook for Bailey. I found it helped to do things which made me feel like I could hold on to him. Maybe that is something that could help when you feel up to it. You also mentioned picking up his ashes. When I first brought Bailey's ashes home I put his urn on a side table with his picture and the cutest Mother's Day card (my husband had gotten it from Bailey in May) so it was a little shrine to him that I left there for a while. You may want to find a special place for Max's ashes and put his picture beside it - I found it comforting in the early days. We are planning to pick out a shrub this week and sprinkle some of his ashes there before we plant it so we can think of Bailey when we see it but we will keep the rest to take with us if we move at some point.
I hope some of these ideas help - there is so little one can do but I hope it helps at least to know that you are being thought of warmly and I am hoping you can find some peace during this heartbreaking time.
Hugs and prayers,
MJ
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