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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #61 
Hi Silvia,

Thanks for checking in on me.  Now I'm checking in on you to see if you are recovering from your cold.  You poor thing.  You are always in my prayers.  I hope you feel better soon!

Sending Hugs!

Marina

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COOKIES4

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Reply with quote  #62 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purzel
Marina, Joan, Catie and Val,

Thank you so much for visiting, your kind and friendly words. Joan, thank you for sharing such a lovely pic of your sweet Sparky.

I have a cold and was not able to do anything else but stay in bed all weekend.

It has not been easy to write Max' story of his last year. Even tho it has been intensive, filled with love and care - it was also bitter sweet and very sad. There were times when I felt exhausted alone by the amount of emotions I felt. It was not grieving because I had not lost Max at this stage but it surely felt like grieving. Even tho I tried hard to push those sad emotions aside they still were kind of waiting for me under my pillow when I went to bed at night.

Max had been to the vet ever so often that he definitely hated every vet in this world. So after his surgery in December 2016 I promised him we wont see a vet again unless there would be something so urgent that his life was in danger. I kept this promise and Max lived peacefully without a vet until December 2017. Do I feel guilty about this now? Sure! Maybe there was something that a vet could have detected, maybe he could still be here would I have.....

All these "maybes" and "ifs" seem to hang around in this house waiting for me in some dark corners. But also the "I should haves" and the "I did not do enoughs" are hiding here and there. I have no clue why I am asking myself questions like this and why there is guilt connected to such loving and caring relationship - other than: It might be sheer helplessness that is talking to me there. Somehow I seem to regret that I was not "allmighty".

Thank you for listening

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COOKIES4

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Reply with quote  #63 
PURZEL. I STARTED A NEW TOPIC ON GUILT AND GREIF PLEASE LOOK FOR IT. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. WHAT IF'S. I HAVE MANY. BLESSINGS YOUR WAY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. LAKEROL DROPS ARE A GREAT THROAT SOOTHER AND COUGHT DROPS. CHECK ON LINE. LICORICE MENTHOL THE BEST FLAVOR. GOOGLE THEM. LAKEROL. MADE IN SWEDEN.
H U GS JOAN AND JIM SPARKY'S MOMMY AND DADDY
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #64 
Marina and Joan,
Thank you for your kind words - I am recovering from this terrible cold. Still feel kinda weak but better.

Want to send some smiles for all of you:
mud2[1].gif 



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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #65 
Silvia, I hope you feel much better soon from your cold. There is never a good time to have one, and I hope the miserable phase will pass quickly.

I can imagine how difficult it was to write of your last year with Max. And it is not hard for me to imagine the grief you experienced while living through that year. He certainly was an incomparable treasure in your life and I smile to think of all the joys he brought you. And I sigh, knowing it's hard on you now.

I think the what if questions are inevitable. I think our minds can feel desperate in asking whether the outlandish pain and loss could have been avoided, and in hoping to protect ourselves from any potential loss this severe in the future. But I don't think there are lessons waiting in the wings. All along the way, we do our best with the knowledge we have at that time, because we love them so.

I love---love, love, love---the video of Max. What a grand time he was having! So sweet!

Take care of you and I hope you're feeling well physically soon. As always, hoping for as much relief as possible from your grief too. 



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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #66 
Avabear's Mom,

Thank you for your post which really touched me. Especially your words: "In some ways it was like watching Ava fade very slowly like she was decending into a mist".
You so vividly expressed this - it was exactly how I felt with Max. Thank you for finding such words. I thought about those words ever since you wrote them.

Catie,
Thank you for comforting me once again. I am very pleased my little video gave you some smiles.

I am feeling a better and hope this cold will leave me soon. I went for a little walk today with Max at my side. I know it sounds silly but I imagine him with me when I go for walks, kinda like his spirit around me. It feels nice.

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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #67 
Hi Silvia,
First, I really enjoyed the video of Max playing! Dogs just love to rub their ears and face in the mud, don't they? I was also reading through your post about your last year with Max: how you and Max aged together and your eventual heartbreaking decision to let him go - such a beautiful bond and so much love! 💞 I think you were right to follow your heart though and go with what Max was experiencing - as opposed to having a definite diagnosis if it meant that it caused your boy any suffering. I love what you said Silvia: "Max will forever be the greatest gift the high spirits ever loaned to you to love and to take care of for a limited time." I think it sums up perfectly what so many of us on this forum feel!
I thought it was so nice of you to ask about more Bailey stories. I will definitely try and write another one. There are so, so many - it is hard sometimes to think back to all the fun times we shared and what an amazing little spirit he was. We know how lucky we are to have Charlie and I really believe Bailey had something to do with having Charlie cross our path.
Your pictures of Max are wonderful - such a handsome and happy looking boy!! I don't think it sounds silly that Max is by your side on your walks. I think that is exactly where he is ... if only we could see them.
Take care of yourself please - I hope that you are feeling much better each day! Sending hugs,
MJ
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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #68 
Silvia,

Hugs and more hugs for you today! Your recent posts about Max have been so lovely. I haven’t had to words to address them in depth, but I wanted you to know they touched me and that I could relate in many ways. Max looks like he was having a ball in the mud— how dogs DO love the wet dirty stuff SO MUCH!

I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts and wanted to stop by to say so...

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #69 
MJ,
Thank you for visiting me once again - your words gave me so much comfort.

All of us, including the vet, could see that Max was on his way to heaven so there was really no point in trying to detect whatever so I am sure we acted in favor of Max in my reasonable mind. This doesn't mean that I am not questioning this decision emotionally because here I am now, left without Max and without a diagnosis. Max acted with vets kinda like "Gozillah is destroying New York" which had always been extremely stressful for all of us. And we were by his side when he awoke after surgery which was not nice at all. I still try to come to terms with the fact that modern veterinary medicine can prolong a dog's life but this does not necessarily mean that it is always in the best interest of the dog. We often disagreed with the vets and later it had proven to be the right thing to do. I know I will sort this out as time goes and the many heartbreaking stories I came to read here showed me that there is almost always doupts. Maybe it is just those doupts that keep us in the stage of painful grief far longer than we would be could we just accept that it was simply death that was knocking at our doors. And that Death is a spirit you cant negociate with.

MJ, I am very sure that Bailey had something to do with you having Charlie now to fill your lives once again with some adventure.

I hug you


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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #70 
Oh Val,

So lovely you visited me - your kind and loving ways do not need any words of depth because I already detected your beautiful heart. Ever so often you are comforting so many of us even tho you really do have a hudge pack to carry. My heart goes out to you once again, my dear friend.

And yes, dogs seem to love mud. And Max was "the expert" concerning mud, rain and the most awful weather. When no living soul wanted to be out there - his party just started! Mud and water and heavy rain - a paradise for Max. We went for our adventures with Max being a yellow Lab and we returned with Max being a black Lab. Everyone could just see by the way Max looked how much fun he had. People would just laugh and noone really cared how I looked....

My good wishes to you and many hugs

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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #71 
Silvia,

Your video of Max made me not only smile, but laugh out loud.  He looks so darn cute.  Just loving every minute of his tryst in the mud.  I hope this week you are feeling better and your cold is gone.  I've had a crazy busy week.  Not only do I work 2 jobs (one of them from home), but shortly after Mitookie passed away I won a seat on my HOA Board.  So my life is full of work and meetings.  Only get to see my boyfriend once a week.  Which is great for me because I'm so busy.  He is too; he is a single Dad to a son who is graduating from high school and going away to college this year.  We were actually high school sweethearts and reconnected after some 35+ years.  I figured I'd just spend the rest of my life single, with my cats (heard a lot of crazy cat lady jokes) and that was just fine with me.  Now my life is just crazy.  I'm trying to keep my mind busy and focus on the kitty I have left and keeping the beautiful memories of Mitookie alive.  I still cry and I still miss him.  I don't think I will ever stop missing my baby, but I am dealing.  I think it's beautiful that you take walks with Max.  I believe he is there in spirit.  

Sending you hugs and comfort and hoping you have a peaceful weekend,

Marina

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #72 
Hi Silvia,

I hope your cold has finally left you and that you are recovered. And I hope the days are gradually getting a little easier where grief is concerned. There's no way around it being tough stuff and persistent.

You have the neatest attitude. I adore this:

Quote:
And yes, dogs seem to love mud. And Max was "the expert" concerning mud, rain and the most awful weather. When no living soul wanted to be out there - his party just started! Mud and water and heavy rain - a paradise for Max. We went for our adventures with Max being a yellow Lab and we returned with Max being a black Lab. Everyone could just see by the way Max looked how much fun he had. People would just laugh and noone really cared how I looked....


A yellow lab to a black lab in the course of a wet walk. LOL My girl abhorred water, so I never got to witness the kind of delightful cavorting you so well described!

And yikes. I had not accurately pictured Max's disdain for vets. Godzilla opens up my imagination and no wonder you made him that promise to not haul him there again unless his life was in danger. Precious Max. With his very own temperament and individuality! You gave him a very fine life.

Thinking of you this weekend. I hope it will hold good things for you. Hugs, as always and best of wishes.









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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #73 
Marina,
Good you had to laugh out loud. Just imagine how much I laughed seeing this in reality. Max went on and on having a ball in the mud and I could not stop laughing that day.
What is HOA Board? (English is not my mother tongue). I think it sounds kind of romantic that you and your boyfriend met so early in life and reconnected. Myself here I have been married for 40 years now, just imagine! I have no clue where all those years went. But I wake up every morning and he is still here at my side. I am very glad to see that you are doing better by keeping yourself busy and that your work gives you pleasure.

I guess none of us will ever stop missing our beloved fur babies but we will all certainly learn to deal with it in a positive way.

I send you hugs and hope you will have a quiet and peaceful weekend

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #74 
Catie,
Nope, my cold fell in love with me and thus wants to hang on. But I do feel much better than last week.

I had no other choice but to develop an attitude like this with my crazy Max. And I am not so sure if you would have liked to see Marissa like this and get all that mud out of her long fur, lol (Now I imagine Marissa like this and have to laugh).

Max was once really nice at the vet until one vet just did something wrong in handling him when he was 3 and from then on he hated all vets. Even tho he was never scared to walk into the vet's place, like so many pets are. He walked in friendly and very lovely and charming with the waiting people in the waiting room. And as he had such a cute way, all the waiting people fell in love with him. When we walked out again with Max wagging his tail and him lovely and charming again they all had this shock and disbelief in their faces as they had heard "Max the Grizzly-Lab" whilst he was with the vet.

Another pic of dirt loving Max:
max1.jpg 


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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #75 
Silvia,

Thank you for your many, many kind words to me, and to so many others here. I love hearing about your Max, and I can see so much how you adored him. I frequently relate to much of what you say and sit here nodding my head in agreement. I understand what you mean when you said that modern veterinary medicine can prolong a dog’s life, but that isn’t necessarily what is in the best interest of the dog. I think that was a well worded statement. Quality of life over quantity, and finding that point can be a fine line.

Max was such an adorable guy. I love the dirty Max pictures. 😆 I do hope you are doing okay... I’m sorry to hear about the unrelenting cold! I’m here mentally giving you cups of tea to help. ☕️

Many hugs and hoping the rest of your weekend is peaceful and soothing!

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—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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