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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #451 

Max's birthday is finally here. He would have turned 14 which I wanted to live up with him but it was not meant to be. In fact I wanted him to be around all the time until the end of time which is of course not realistic and quite impertinent to wish for but hey, did we ever live outside of Wonderworld, Max and I?

When I look back at all we shared I have to confess that Max and I somehow lived in our own world. Catie expressed that so brilliantly in her last post to sweet Marissa when she said „I miss us...“

Us“ was a whole world to me, something like a parallel universe gifted by someone higher who meant really really well when He guided me towards that litlle being with tiny shark teeth that left a bloody stripe on my hand. „You are the one!“, I thought then and there. And from then on I was the lucky one to live in parallel universe of joy for almost 13 years.

Today and forever will I laugh having gazillions of memories emerge before my inner eye, an extremely long long string of precious moments reaching to the moon and back that was filled with pure joy. I was able to experience what science calls „flow“ where a human is able to live in the here and now without anything else to disturb this true feeling of inner contentment – the perfect balance.

From day number one Max always lived in this universe without seeming to have any probs with that, he never pondered the past and certainly did not worry about the future. I envied this ability of his before I tried myself to live this adventure with him. Max was a good teacher, waiting patiently until I was ready to leave my somewhat restricted existence to share his way of looking at this world. And so I entered this parallel universe, at least for quite a while each and every day as long as he would be here on this earth. To just watch his contentment already opened this amazing door to the „secret land“ for me to enter.

It might be the abrupt and hard landing on „human ground“ that contributed to my terrible inner pain and this feeling of paradise lost that made 2018 so hard for me to bear. I miss his guidance to this other world. And only very carefully am I now trying to reach this universe alone when his spirit seems to call me to try just that. Sometimes I manage and I am once again within the flow. Max smiles and runs ahead in pure joy.

 Happy Birthday, my beloved, my friend and companion, my Onliest. It is a sunny morning, let's go and sniff spring.

Max1Birthday2.jpg   
Max14Birthday3.jpg  Max14Birthday4.jpg 

 

 



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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Sil

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Reply with quote  #452 
Silvia - my namesake - "Woman From the Forest" with the gift of writing,

You and Max established an unbreakable bond without any boundaries.  And, with your gift of writing, you have brought us along in this beautiful and sad journey.  In this journey, you have shared many stories, many beautiful pictures.  Whenever, I'm feeling down, all I have to do is take a look at Max getting a mud bath... and my all time favorite, "baby Max jumping into the plastic swimming pool" - his huge smile, fills my heart with joy.

Silvia, please receive many, many hugs and for Max a Very Happy Birthday Wish.
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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #453 
From day number one Max always lived in this universe without seeming to have any probs with that, he never pondered the past and certainly did not worry about the future. I envied this ability of his before I tried myself to live this adventure with him. Max was a good teacher, waiting patiently until I was ready to leave my somewhat restricted existence to share his way of looking at this world. 


Silvia,
If only we could all look at life the way Max did.  Our furry companions know...
Your words in the birthday letter to Max are beautiful.  
I know what you mean when you say you and Max lived in your own little world.  It's a comfortable world.  A place of peace and happiness.  
Hugs 

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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #454 
Silvia...how wonderful you wrote Max on his birthday. Ah yes...the wanting for them to live so much longer. And such fantastic photos of him once again. Thank you also for the beautiful words you wrote on my thread today.
I think it is so cool to have a  person who so totally gets it, on the other side of the ocean...and beyond. Grief knows no geography.
I send much love and hugs your way, and sweet potatoe bread, and chocolate, if you like that.

Much fondness,
Melissa

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #455 

Happy birthday, dear Max!  

Dear Silvia, how I wish that happily ever after was a permanent state, that you could have kept your onliest around forever!  I wish he could have been with you and could have snarfed up special birthday sausages and gone on a special birthday hike and that the two of you could have celebrated to the hilt together! 

It's hard when the sand keeps right on running through the hourglass, when our hearts want for time to somehow stop and take notice that things aren't right, that something so highly important is missing.  But onward we must go and time must keep passing, in spite of the changes our hearts still ache over. Like Max not being here for his birthday. *deep sigh*

I love that you said, Let's go sniff spring. I dearly love that. 

 Tiny shark teeth clomping onto you and leaving your hand wounded and your heart smitten with love. Oh, what they do to us in wriggling their way straight into our lives! Some images are completely engraved into our beings, as I imagine that introduction was for you. 

Unadulterated joy. Pure, spontaneous. I wish I had met your Max because I know I would have joined you in thinking he was spectacular. From all you share of him, he was tailor fitted to you and just the right addition to your life at the right time. I don't doubt for a moment that he added boundless joy by his presence and loving spirit. Plus a little bit of craziness! What a guy!

Hearing you of course about the hard landing. A stunner of a landing and a road none of us wants to travel yet each of us were called to navigate on our own. Hands and hearts reach around the world as we remind each other that we would and we will get through it. But at first it didn't even seem possible. We've lived through remarkable storms, hurricane winds and waves to the soul. 

I love that Max was such a fine teacher, companion and explorer. If only we could all consistently find our way into that kind and level of joy in the now!

I send you warmest thoughts, biggest hugs!

 


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MyBella

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Reply with quote  #456 
Happy 14th Birthday Max !!!!
 Maxinflowers.jpg 
                    Image result for 14th birthday balloons      Image result for happy birthday max cake
Hope you have a fun day filled with lots of playing, running and eating of all the treats you want, be sure to share your cake with all your friends and don't forget to get your birthday hugs and kisses from our little girl.
Make sure you take some time to visit your wonderful Mom and let her know that you always hear her words of love.
Enjoy your special day handsome boy, you are very loved by so many of us.
 
 
Hi Silvia,
 
What a beautiful tribute full of the most loving words for your handsome Max on his 14th birthday, I bet he is wagging his tail with such pride while rightfully bragging to all his friends about the special words written by his loving Mom.
As you can see I have left a nice big cake for Max to share in celebration with all his friends, I decided to go with a Chocolate Mud Cake, seems rather appropriate for your precious Max especially with the way he loves to play in the mud. I heard that China, Nicky and Noel are in charge of the ice cream for the party, Blue Bell ice cream of course, sounds like all our babies will be having a great time.
I sincerely wish for your heart to always be rewarded with the soft, gentle nudges that you know can only be your sweet Max. May Max's love bring the continued peace and healing you so deserve.
Thank you so much for your support and for taking the time to write to us, your kindness and friendship is so greatly appreciate and so truly valued, thank you Silvia.
 
I will be sure to raise a glass in honor of your Max this weekend, I'm thinking a nice refreshing pear cocktail of some sort, along with a nice big slice of my favorite Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, I'll make sure there are extra forks, in case you want to join us.....
 
Your Friend Always, Don
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Chinadoll

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Reply with quote  #457 
Dear Silvia, I'm rarely at a lost for words, but reading your birthday letter to Max left me with such a peace, such an inner calm, that words cannot explain. You have a wonderful 'gift', a way of expressing moments, emotions, and love that are beautiful. Max is a Great teacher, they all are, and you were able to connect with him in such a way as to drift into these moments of bliss and peace, living in the now, what a wonderful experience. You are right, our angels do it effortlessly but that is not the case for us humans. We need a guide, we need a mentor, you needed Max. Thank you so much for sharing this letter, it is very moving and touching. Blessings to you and Happy Birthday to MAX!!! 
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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #458 
Silvia,

What a lovely birthday wish for Max.  Your words certainly resonate with me.  The feelings you conveyed to Max speak volumes and match what I feel about Mitookie.  Such a special bond like no other.  And of course, seeing Max enjoying life in pictures always brings me a smile.  A much needed smile.  I'm sure Max is running and playing with the angels and I know he misses you too.  I agree with Catie; Max was tailor fitted to you!  What a great way to put it. 

Sending you many hugs, love, and comfort as you make your way through 2019!

And Happy Birthday Max!!!

Marina

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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #459 
Silvia,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi.  I decided to take a few minutes out of my day to say hi to my friends that are always there for comfort, kindness, and solidarity in our grief struggle.  I hope you are doing well and Spring is showing up in full force where you are.  Here, there is just a roller coaster of weather.  One day a high of 40 and 3 days later, a high of 80 (Fahrenheit).  It is quite crazy.

Sending you may hugs and wonderfully delectable treats,

Marina

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MyBella

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Reply with quote  #460 
Hi Silvia,

Wanted to let you know that you and your handsome Max are in my thoughts. I bet you have wonderful weekend plans to do some digging in your garden, I'm sure the garden brings comfort along with the longing for your precious Max, but never doubt that your handsome boy isn't there working with you, never would your Max miss the chance to play in the dirt, especially along side his wonderful, loving Mom. 

Sending my warmest wishes for your heart to always know and feel the light and love that is your beautiful Max, bringing with his love, the peace and healing you so deserve.

Your Friend Always, Don

Image result for never underestimate the healing garden quotes
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #461 
Dearest forum friends,
 
This year seems to rush. It is mid March already and I see the Easter bells ready to bloom. I have to thank all of you once again for your comforting words, the lovely pics, notes, poems and all the goodies you keep on sending to me – little miracles you do sending some light straight into my heart, leaving a smile on my face. Blessings to all of you.
 
I was not able to sleep well in the last months. After I transferred Max’s ashes next to my bed as we moved some furniture, I noticed I sleep much better because I see his lovely corner with his ashes and favored belongings when I go to sleep and when I wake up again. The beginning and end of a day where I talk to him, tell him I love him and wish a  good night or greet him when I awake in the mornings.
 
I talk to him when “we” hike and I talk to him when he comes with me to work. Now that he is a spirit he can certainly be with me everywhere I go, places he could not be with me before. I still tell him all my secrets.
 
So I am at times asking myself if I am still clear in mind or if I am inventing whatever to not feel the horrible pain of having lost him forever. The thought of having his spirit around me is comforting me and provides this inner balance I need to make it through the day.
 
And sometimes I do feel like Alice in Wonderland and that “behind the mirror” is this world still of Max and I where we dance our dance of pure joy.
 
Any therapist would most probabely smell a lifelong source of income now but I know of other people talking to their lost ones on any graveyard around this globe in a quiet moment of intense dialogue with the beloved one.
 
And after that they do return to their all day life refilled with a new energy, new hope and new belief in what is coming their way.
 
A pic of Max in spring, the beautiful valley and my tiny village
Maxinspring.jpg 


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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #462 
Oh Sylvia...I had to respond as soon as I saw this. I am glad you are sleeping better now. I wish I had scooter's ashes but I have other tokens of him around. Lately I have dreamed of him and that brings me great comfort (I will write about that on my thread).  I too know of many people who talk to their deceased loved ones, human and dog, and cat. I think it is indeed normal and if it is what we must do to help with the pain of physical separation, so be it, is what  I say. I am glad you are getting spring too. We really are not here, well except for a loud thunderstorm last night. Odd for here in March.
Sending love and hugs dear friend.
- Melissa

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Chinadoll

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Reply with quote  #463 
Sylvia, the picture you posted above of Max, oh my, this is my favorite one of all. I see a little talent in the one behind the lens, I could write a few pages about his picture, easily. So, thank you from my heart for sharing this moment in time of Max, so so beautiful!

I think many of us carry on conversations with our fur angels, I do, and it brings me a feeling of peace with my heart to 'hear' their names said out loud. I also get to use all the little 'voices' that we do when we speak to them, the little voice we reserved only for them, it brings those moments of days gone by into the present, if for just a few minutes we allow ourselves to acknowledge they are still with us. It warms my heart, softens my grief and brings their heart ever closer to mine. You did give me a smile when you said 'Any therapist would most probably smell a lifelong source of income", I have thought the very same thing at times. You have me thinking about moving my little angel's ashes to the bedroom, it seems so fitting to say good morning to start the day and good night as I lay my head down at the end of the day. You talked about 'telling him secrets', oh my that brought back beautiful memories for me also. I would lay in bed with the lights out with China laying on my chest and whisper secrets to her that only she would know. I had so many late night talks with her as we drifted off to sleep, sharing our heartbeats, out little secrets. I miss my little confidant, my sweetheart, who knew me so very well. Blessings to you Sylvia and thank you again for sharing these words and pictures of your love, Max.

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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #464 
Silvia,

Your words describe what I believe all of us here are feeling.  You just say it in a way that most of us cannot.  I too still talk to my Boo, I still sing to him every time I go past the park we used to go to because I believe he hears me.  I've only had one dream about my boy and it's been almost 10 months now, as you know.  I woke up feeling elated that I saw my baby living.  It's so hard not having him with me still.  

The picture of Max looking out towards the pasture, is beautiful.  

Dear Silvia, I wish you peace in this never ending journey.

Heart.png 


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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #465 
Silvia,

Thank you for visiting Teddy’s thread 💕 I think of you and Max often. I too have Teddy’s urn right next to my bed and I talk to him everyday. I truly do feel him with me always. Our babies are always with us, it’s not in our head, it is a distinct feeling like any other. You just know it’s them. Max heard you and is always with you.

“Most of us have been trained to believe in only what our eyes perceive, and not in what we feel, sense, or hear. Just because spirit cannot be seen, that doesn’t mean they’re not with us.”

Max is always with you, forever. 💙

Sending you many hugs. 💕

Jenny & Teddy 🐾

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