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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #16 
Shoot. Silvia, I so understand getting a sudden crying jag that feels relentless. All part of the process, but the furthest thing from fun. I'm sorry you've been hurting so much. 

It is so hard to absorb that they're gone and we soooo want it to not be true.

Thanks so much for sharing the story of Max grabbing the neighbor's shoe. That is priceless!

And I adore the photo of him playing in the mud. What a cutehead!

I hope your day gets easier. Hugs to you!



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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #17 
My dear Silvia,

I give you hugs and hugs. Your pain over losing your beloved Max is so evident, and although it may be difficult to accept right now, please wrap yourself in the love you both had for one another. I wish everyone could be loved like Max was loved by you. He was beautiful, and there's no doubt he was -- and IS -- loved so completely. I truly ache for you. This forum is such a blessing, because we can share with the knowledge that others truly understand, and with the comfort that we will never be judged. Thinking of you...

Bruce
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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #18 
Sylvia,

I wanted to pop by and check on how you’re doing.

Max is so cute in those photos! Thank you for sharing them! The funny memories are the best. I hope one day, they overshadow the sad ones more completely. It definitely takes time to work through this, it’s a miserable process and ordeal.

Keep on hanging in there and look forward to hearing more about Max.

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #19 
Jo, Catie, Bruce and Val,

Thank you so much for comforting me. Your words mean alot.

I like to talk about Max because he surely was a very funny dog. It helps me to cope with my grief as I miss him so dearly. I still cry on a daily basis, I have never gone thru something like this before, so the memories help me.

We had turned the early morning when I woke up into our special game. Max knew he was not to disturb me in my sleep so he invented his "Pfff": He would come to my side of the bed, put his head really close to mine and make a very little gentle sound breathing in my direction: "Pfffff" He did a few "pfffffs". Until I just had to smile. I would get up whilst Max was already going crazy in joy, rolling around on the floor and I sang our morning song.
How I miss this!


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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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mattiemae

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Reply with quote  #20 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purzel

My name is Silvia. I lost my beloved yellow lab Max, aged almost 13, on January 3rd this year. I hope we did chose the „right time“ and he did not have to suffer. The vet came to our home and Max drifted away peacefully with my husband and myself at his side.

I did visit this forum to silently read your posts during the many nights that I could not find any sleep and found help, comfort and some inner peace. I have to thank you for this.

I have and still am going thru all kinds of sad emotions, nightmares with crazy thoughts of having decided too early or too late, hearing Max walking about at night, or just break out into tears all of a sudden because life just feels empty without him.

Max and I had been together 24/7 for all those many years as I am at home all day whilst my husband is at work. Now the house feels robbed of all the joy and fun I used to share with Max. I loved every minute with him.

I find it extremely difficult to focus on my daily routine because Max had just been a part of it. I still go for long walks alone and imagine him walking along with a wagging tail in front of me exploring „wonder-world“. His constant happiness used to be my „royal jelly“. He made me laugh every single day. I miss him.

Silvia



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mattiemae

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Reply with quote  #21 
I know what you mean by silently participating in everyone's post....I have been doing that this week as well. I have taken comfort from everyone's post.  I am so sorry about you loss and grief. I lost my baby two weeks ago yesterday.  Still crying! I pray your peace and acceptance, my friend.  We have wonderful people here to help us through this. Please keep me in your thoughts.
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #22 
Silvia,

Talking about Max and sharing his funny stories and antics is about as healthy as anything can possibly be. You keep his spirit alive that way! It is exactly the same as losing any loved one: we have to eventually learn to focus on their lives more than their deaths. That's a milestone we all need to strive to reach. Sure isn't easy, though... Not going to lie about that.

Wordless hugs to you.
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #23 
Silvia,

I wish it didn't take so long for the hurt to ease. So sorry for your ongoing tears. But I sure understand. I wish he was still there to make you laugh with his antics. I love that you are having remembering walks, picturing his joy at investigating things along the way. He must have been such a happy guy!

I love the story of him pffffing you awake. It's funny the way they knew to not break the rules, but to come right up to the line and still manage to get our attention. What a charmer!

I hope your days are getting easier. Hugs!





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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #24 
Mattiemae,

thank you for your kind words. Just read your story and it is so heartbraking to so suddenly loose your beloved one. You see, I fed Max all kinds of raw things with bones and all - in fact it is supposed to be a healthy thing. The thing is that some dogs just get this and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It is absolutely not your fault! Still we all question ourselves and this might just belong to the grieving process.

I read many weeks in this forum because I was trapped in some kind of bubble whilst life was having a ball all around me. I felt so deeply hurt that I thought I would never get out of this ever again. And when I found this forum I started to feel better because I saw that it was just not only me. And I learnt that my pain and grief is valid.

My heart goes out to you Mattiemae

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #25 
Bruce,

Once again you have such understanding words for me. Thank you. And yes, I rather look into my very rich memory box - it does make me miss him but it also makes me smile and relive the joy we used to share. I dont want to go back to the dark bubble where I was trapped for a while.


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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #26 
Quote:
Originally Posted by catiebee

It's funny the way they knew to not break the rules, but to come right up to the line and still manage to get our attention. What a charmer!



Catie, you are so right in what you said there. I think it's also amazing how smart they are! And yes, Max was a charmer in so many ways.

Hugs

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #27 
Hi Silvia,
I was in tears reading your post about your Max. It brought me back to how quiet it was at home without our little dog, Bailey. I can relate to those walks without Max - I remember my first walk after Bailey passed. It's just so difficult imagining our best friends right there like they were so many times before. I can also relate to the sleepless nights - that is how I found this forum and am so happy that I did. It helps, as you said, knowing you're not alone in this terrible grief.

I think you can rest easy that you did the right thing letting Max go. You took his pain and that is what we do for them because we love them so very much. Of course we always question everything - and guilt (I've learned) is a part of grief.

I loved the pictures you posted: Max in his pool, rolling in the mud and just looking up with that handsome smile from under his blanket. Such a beautiful boy!! It's so easy to see a dog who had a wonderful life filled with much joy and love!

I enjoyed your "shoe thief" story! It brought such a smile to my face. Sounds like he was very quick! Those are the wonderful memories we cherish! Have you thought of writing in a journal? I found it helped me to write to Bailey or write about special times even nicknames that we have him - all the things I never want to forget. When I look back now I see a journal of healing. Do you mind if I ask about your "morning song"? I was reading about how Max would nonchalantly wake you with his Pfff sound - so sweet! I always sang "Best Friend" to Bailey. My friend looked after him once and tried singing to him as she thought he was missing us. She said he stood up and looked at her as if to say "Why are you singing to me? My mom does that!" and then jumped off the sofa to go and stare at the door. They really are so funny!

I hope you are doing okay. January 3 is still such a short time to process such a huge loss! Things will get easier in time Silvia but I know that right now you are missing your boy so much. I am so very sorry for your loss!

Sending hugs, MJ
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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #28 
Hi Silvia,

I haven't been on the forum for a few days but wanted to wish you a better week this week.  I love the pictures you posted of Max.  He is absolutely adorable and they made me smile.  I'll take any chance to smile these days.  It's been almost a month since my sweet Mitookie passed and I'm still reeling from the pain.  It has gotten better, but it comes in awful waves.  Max's face is so full of expression.  Thanks for sharing your beautiful boy with us.  Hugs to you!

Marina

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #29 
MJ,
thank you so much for coming over to visit me. I read all of your threads and yes, Bailey appeard in front of my eyes and surely touched my soul. He was indeed a beautiful soul. I loved your stories about him. A found it amazing how Baily arranged his own bed, just perfect. I really had to laugh - thank you for this. In all this grief and pain, a smile and a laugh mean the world to me. And just like you I loved to watch Max when he was sleeping letting out the sweetest sounds in his sleep. It gave me true inner peace. I am also very glad to hear about Charlie, what a sweety!

You asked me if I had thought of writing a journal. Well, you see, when Max was about 10 months old, I actually started a homepage with monthly stories and many pictures and videos of all the joyfull adventures we had together. From 2006 to 2018. I am very glad I did this, so when doupts come to my mind I go there and read. It helps me.

You also asked about my morning song to Max. I just sang: "Good morning, good morning, good morning my sunshine" I invented alot of simple songs and melodies for Max. It's funny to hear from you that Bailey did not react the same way towards your friend singing to him - Max was the same. The "song-thing" was something between me and Max, lol.

Again thank you, your words ment alot to me and ... please, keep on writing your stories remembering Bailey - I really love them.

Hugs

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #30 
Marina,
thank you for your words. Like I said to you, just take your time. I was not even able to talk or write to anyone in the first weeks after I'd lost Max. It is also very healing to take a break from everything. I am very glad the pictures of Max made you smile.

So, another smile especially for you:
pear1.jpg 
Max enjoying a pear he found in the snow. He just loved pears.


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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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