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Purzel

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My name is Silvia. I lost my beloved yellow lab Max, aged almost 13, on January 3rd this year. I hope we did chose the „right time“ and he did not have to suffer. The vet came to our home and Max drifted away peacefully with my husband and myself at his side.

I did visit this forum to silently read your posts during the many nights that I could not find any sleep and found help, comfort and some inner peace. I have to thank you for this.

I have and still am going thru all kinds of sad emotions, nightmares with crazy thoughts of having decided too early or too late, hearing Max walking about at night, or just break out into tears all of a sudden because life just feels empty without him.

Max and I had been together 24/7 for all those many years as I am at home all day whilst my husband is at work. Now the house feels robbed of all the joy and fun I used to share with Max. I loved every minute with him.

I find it extremely difficult to focus on my daily routine because Max had just been a part of it. I still go for long walks alone and imagine him walking along with a wagging tail in front of me exploring „wonder-world“. His constant happiness used to be my „royal jelly“. He made me laugh every single day. I miss him.

Silvia



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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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AmyA

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Reply with quote  #2 
Silvia,

I’m am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby last night and have not stopped crying since. I’m envious you were able to do it peacefully at home with you by Max’s side. And you should not ever question your decision. You knew him best and I am sure you made the best choice with only his well-being and happiness in mind. I’m wish you all the best!

- Amy
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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi Silvia,

I am truly sorry for your loss. Our loved furry ones mean so much to us and become such a part of our lives that it can be very difficult when we lose them to adjust to that loss. I’m very glad you had almost 13 years with Max, what a cute guy! Know that everyone here understands what you’re going through. Post as much as needed, it can be very therapeutic in a way. Take care and hang in there!

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Purzel

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AmyA and RileysMom,

thank you so much for your kind and loving words. The feeling that I am not alone in this is very precious to me. My best wishes on your path of healing from your loss goes out to you and all the people in here who are faced with such a devastating loss.

As time passes I have noticed that there are good moments when I come to peace with myself. When reality hits and tells me that there had been nothing I could have done to prevent my beloved Max from slowly walking towards "the hall of fame where all sausages do hang very low" and that it had been a good moment to help him to reach over there. "How can I go on without him?" is a question I have not been able to fully answer up to now.

Throughout his life Max made me feel like the queen of this world. Not only did I love him dearly but I felt loved in a way I've never felt before. Max was my first and only dog and then and there, when he was little, how could I have known that he would just not only win my heart but kind of teach me what unconditional love really meant. What it meant not to worry about the future or dwell on the past. To just live every single moment in joy and happiness. I can say that I truly envied him for having this wonderful ability to live the "just now" and I am more than grateful that I often could share this feeling with him as it felt true paradise.

I honestly believe that he taught me more than I taught him. And I honestly believe that he showed  me the "secret of life". One of the major reasons I miss him so dearly!

Silvia


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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #5 
Silvia, I am just so sorry for your pain and for how deeply you miss Max. You're not alone here. We all understand. 

I wish things had turned out differently and that you could still wrap your arms around your furry guy. He's a beauty!

You are in my thoughts and I wish you comfort and hope for a gentler day.

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Mollysmomforever

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Reply with quote  #6 
So very sorry for your loss, Silvia.  Your Max was certainly a handsome guy.  He makes me smile a little just looking at his face, so, I can well imagine how much happiness he brought to you.  Sending warm thoughts to you as you work through this tough time.  You are certainly surrounded here by people who absolutely understand that empty feeling and the need to talk about all the wonderful memories of your beloved Max.



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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #7 
catiebee
Thank you so much for your kind words. I just visited your site and hope I could express what I felt when reading about your loss.

Mollysmomforever
Thank you for your words. You did express exactly how I felt every day when looking at Max' face, he just made me smile before he even did anything to turn my smile into laughter and joy.

Thank you so much for comforting me in my grief. I can see your beloved ones as the emerge in front of my eyes whilst I read your stories about them. Thus they will live on forever and also fill my heart with a tiny part of the joy you used to share with them.

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Lulu_Zandersmom1

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Reply with quote  #8 
Hi Silvia - you are not alone and I hope everyone on this site feels the same.   We are all going thru some sort of heart ache on here so everyone understands where you're coming from.   
While we have a new puppy, Ava, we still ache for Lulu and Zander.   We can smile at their memories now (and cry) and wonder what in the world they would have thought of this little imp in their house laying on their bed.
Ava baby.jpg  Lulu Zander and Sammy.jpg 

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Purzel

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Today I walked about 4 miles on this very sunny and beautiful winter day. I went to a place where Max and I had been often and also a place Max could not master in his last year as he was too old and his severe hip dysplasia gave him some troubles. As I walked, Max walked ahead in my mind and I sang to him. He loved when I sang to him.

From this place you can oversee the whole valley and our tiny village. You can see horses, sheep and cows and they look tiny from there. And you can see the forest that surrounds the valley. There we used to gather fir cones which I use to light a fire with. I used to pack them into a linnen-bag and it had been Max' job to carry the bag home. He did this with great pride as he knew he was doing a very important job. He made sure we had a cosy and warm house in wintertime. And he would not let go of "his" bag until we were at home.

He carried apples and pears in fall. On every walk we did when there was no bag to carry he chose "his" sticks (rather branches) to carry home and I cut them into pieces for the fire. He chose "his" sticks very carefully and I have no clue up to now which were his criterion for their quality. But they were of very good quality each time.

I never taught him to do this - but he just loved to carry his sticks.

imga0059.jpg 






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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #10 
Silvia,

Your Max is absolutely beautiful.  I'm sorry for your pain.  You have virtual love, hugs and support all around you.  We are all walking this cruel journey called grieving right now.  I'm glad you decided to write and share your stories and pictures about Max.  Take care!

Marina

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #11 
Lulu_Zandersmom,

Thank you for your words. And yes, your puppy Ava just sent me this feeling of love and joy at the sight of such a lovely little one. Ava is adorable! I am sure Lulu and Zander would agree to just that. What beautiful dogs Lulu and Zander were. Thank you so much for sharing with me.


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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #12 
Marina,
Thank you for your words. I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Mitookie. I think writing letters to him is a very good idea. It will make you feel better and ease your pain as time goes. I very often asked myself if I could have done anything better or differently to save Max just to have him here for some more time. Reading here and sharing I have come to the conclusion that all of us have done the very best we could and we could not have done any better. 

This is a wonderful forum and we are all here for one another. Please take care.

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #13 
Silvia, I'm so glad you shared this story about your journey with Max and his important role in carrying things home. Reading this passage touched my heart and made me smile. He was such a treasure!

It is wonderful that he shared so much love with you and was such a life-changer. I know he greatly softened and sweetened life for you and that he left a Max-shaped hole in your heart.

I so hope the days will get easier and easier for you. Grieving and adjusting takes such time. Hugs!





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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #14 
Catie,
thank you so much. And yes, you are so right, it takes time.

There are moments of joy and laughter when I memorize my beloved Max. Like these:
m 1.jpg 
m 13.jpg 
W2.jpg 

And all the funny and crazy things he did.

I remember one afternoon as we left the house and Max was ahead of me, happily wagging his tail. We passed the neighbor's house and the entrance was open for what reason ever. So Max all of a sudden rushed into the neighbor's house and returned with a shoe that he had stolen. The neighbors behind him, myself behind him, some kids who had played in our street behind him, all yelling and laughing. We caught the thief and rescued the shoe. I guess Max had the time of his life that afternoon getting so much attention from everyone.

Those funny memories help me to cope with the memories of Max' final days.

All of a sudden and kinda out of the blue... I have to start crying and cant seem to stop. I feel I have still not accepted that Max is gone.

My heart goes out to all of you here in this forum. A place to remember, a place to cry and a place to find comfort.

Thank you




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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Mollysmomforever

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Reply with quote  #15 
You gave me a great laugh this morning, Silvia, picturing Max triumphantly "retrieving" that shoe!  He obviously brought so much joy.  Hopefully these happy memories bring more comfort than heartbreak.  Thinking of you (and Max) today.  Thanks for sharing.
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