I had to make the hardest decision ever on Saturday.  I had to send my baby boy, Magic, across the Rainbow Bridge.  There are so many things I want to say about him, but I don't know if I can really say the right things.

His lymphoma seemed to come on so fast.  He went blind and when I took him to the vet, he said he had swollen lymph nodes throughout his body.  In only 2 days, I got back the results...malignant lymphoma.  At age 13+, chemotherapy could have killed him, and prednazone might give him a few more months, but he'd still be on painkillers and have difficulty in walking.  He had also started having accidents in the house.  And he started to cry at night until someone came to pet him, he was very afraid of being left alone.  In his last week, I slept on the floor with him.  And I was determined to give him the best last week that I could.  I took him to the park, (he couldn't walk on the beach with his back I took him where he could walk around a little).  He loved sitting in the grass.  I gave him the best meals that I could.  He had a ribeye steak for dinner on his last night... I grilled it myself. 

Magic was a handsome golden retriever/lab mix.  He was a rescue dog.  I wrote his story as a memorium, and I want to post it later.  He was incredibly special to me.  There is a photo of the two of us together that a friend took.  He is cleaning it a little and when i get it..I am going to have it done as an oil painting.  Another friend was so moved by Magic and my story..that he is writing a song for us..and some other musician friends want to join in the's a story about rescue dogs and how much love they can give..if you choose them.  

I think that above everything else...the fact that Magic was a rescue dog was really important.  Somehow, we were brought together...he and I.  Like we were destined to share a great life together.  I may have rescued him, but he also in his own way rescued me.  He gave me company and love for almost all of his life.  I just wish I could have spent more time with him.

I love you Magic. Magic outside.jpg 
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What a gorgeous boy !
You both made each other's lives so special !
That soul bond is so powerful . . .you can never be separated !
His transition will help you understand that only the things 
that are unseen are eternal . . .

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Thank you.  The last few days have been really hard.  I miss him so much, it's like there is a huge hole in my heart.

There are times when I feel like everything will be ok, but then a wave of emotion comes over me and I feel empty again.  Sometimes it feels unbearable.

I don't know what to do.
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Hello there, I am happy that you were able to get a picture of Magic uploaded. He is a real beauty and looks like a very happy and loved companion. We chatted last night and I just wanted to again offer my condolences for the loss of Magic. You did make a very difficult decision for your beloved boy but it sounds like it was the best one for him. 
     I understand the pain and heartache that is taking over you now. It is extremely difficult to let them go. There is no time that is ready for us. You wrote that you gave him the best last week that you could. I think the most important thing is that he knew how very much you loved and cherished him. I am sure that he did!  
   I had 3 weeks with my girl Coco after her bone cancer diagnosis. Those 3 weeks were very difficult for me as I knew that her days were numbered. I spent as much time as I could with her, talked to her, hugged her, told her I Loved Her and called her my Sweet Girl many, many times. I wanted those to be her last impressions, that she was loved and adored!     You did that for Magic too. And then when it was the right thing, you let him go, because it was what was best for him. We are the ones left to grieve their loss. From my own experience I can tell you that it will be quite a journey for you my friend. 
      You are not alone here. There is a tremendous amount of support and compassion from people that loved their companions and know the depth of grief when loosing them. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Take your time and allow yourself to feel comes to you. Magic was a very special companion to you. Some say that we grieve to the depth that we love. I can say that things will improve with time. I am thinking of you and Magic today..............Please take care of yourself and feel free to reach out................Sincerely, Andrea.
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Thanks Andrea,

I have been trying to get myself togther.  It's been hard, but I am slowly dealing with the loss of Magic.  He was such an amazing dog.  And I was surprised at how many of my friends sent condolences.  Over 200 people sent pictures, images, and condolences for his passing.  So many beautiful memories that we had together.

I am tearing up a little again at writing about it, but I know that Magic is somehow watching out for me, just as he always did.  We were the best of buddies.  I miss him so much. 

I had to move the box I put his toys and collar/leash and other things in.  I hated to even touch it, and I couldn't bear to open it.  I will be making a space for it in my closet in a special place.  It just feels like I want to keep his things safe for now.

I am hoping that things get easier soon.  Talking inthis forum does help though.  I hope folks don't mind my ramblings too much.
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It's been 11 days since I lost Magic, and I find myself bursting into tears at times.  So many things remind me of him.  I was cleaning and moved the sofa, and I found a toy that he lost.  At work, I found an old note reminding me to pick up some of his medication.  It's like a sledgehammer everytime these things pop up.

I thought I might be through the worst of this, but it feels like it's building.  The vet told me they would call when his ashes come in, and it should be tomorrow.  I completely dread that phone call.  Part of me really wants it...but another part of me's not the fluffy friend who slept on the foot of my bed.  I want him in the house...but it just feels so .. final.

I find myself looking at photos of him all the time.  They seem to bring some comfort...but not really a true easing of the feeling of loss.  A lot of my friends have told me that they will miss him, and how sweet he was.  But it really isn't making it any easier.

I feel like this pain won't ever stop.
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I am so sorry for your loss. What a beauty Magic was. His personality shines through in that photo. 
I have no words to comfort you. It will take time. Just hold on to the memories, they never die. Also know your beautiful boy is near, he loves you. He is now free to roam, he can see again and is happy. It will be 2 years next Friday since my little Duncan passed. He was my special boy.
You are in my thoughts. Sending hugs your way.

Duncan's Mom xx
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It's been almost 4 months since I lost Magic.  I still feel so empty at times.  I had to rearrange the living room furniture a bit just to stop reminding me of places he liked to sit and sleep.  There are times that I have just broken down at work, with friends, and at home...just because something reminded me of him.

A friend sent me some pictures that he took of us at a local park.  When I saw them, I was grateful, but they brought back a ton of memories.  Another friend wrote a song about him...and it makes me cry every time I hear it.  

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