deetes18
It had been 3 weeks since i had to say good-bye to my best friend, my 10 and half year old Shih Tzu, Maddy. She first got sick at the end of September. I had her at the vet at least once for 3 weeks. They tested her poop first, it came back fine, they gave me some meds to give her. The other 2 times they did blood work, 1st test showed high white blood cell counts, they gave me a week of baytril to give her. 2nd blood test was worse even with her on the antibiotic and then the x-ray showed her right lung was enlarged (vet said it was either an infection or cancer). The vet sound like she wanted me to make the big decision then. I asked if we could try anything else. She said we could try another antibiotic, amoxicillin but she did not sound hopeful.

The amoxicillin started to work, Maddy started to eat soft food, still not much hard food. She had to take the pills 3 times a day, so I was coming home at lunch each day to give her the pills and some food. She was doing better, we would go on little walks which she loved. 2 weeks on the amoxicillin we went back to the vet, she had gained some weight and was more hyper. The vet wanted to do another 2 weeks of amoxicillin and then do more blood work. So for after a month on amoxicillin her blood work came back way better, not perfect but the vet was happy with her progress. No more prescriptions.

Two weeks later, she started acting up again. On Thursday something seemed off again. She was drinking water but did seem to want to go outside. That night I was scheduled to work (first time in a while of couse), before I left she did eat some hard food on her own, I tried several times to take her out but she just wanted to go back inside. When I came home 4 hours later, she had peeped her bed and just wanted to lay different places. She always slept with me even while this was happening so we slept this night with the lights on so I could keep an eye on her. We both slept off and on. In the morning I took her to work with me because I did not want to leave her alone and I did not know what time i could get her to the vet. I got her to the vet at 930. My bosses at my work were nice and understood what had been going on the last 2 months and they did not care that I had bought her in.

At the vet I had her wrapped in a puppy pad, a towel and her sweater. They took her weight which was around the same. Then they took her to get blood work. They were gone for a long time, 20 minutes at least. I knew sitting there that this was not good. The vet finally came in and they were trying to get blood but they were having trouble getting enough to test, and then she said the one thing I never wanted to hear, Maddy was in pain. She said the amoxicillin temporarily masked what was going on and at this point she did not think anything else would work and she recommend putting her to sleep. I shook my head yes. I had some of her favorite toys in the car I had taken to work with me, I went and got those. They brought her in the room and put her toys around her. They gave me time alone with her, I told her I love her, she was a good girl, and I was sorry I could not make her well.  I was right in front of her petting her head and paw, when she went to the rainbow bridge.

Even after 3 weeks I feel guilty that I did not do enough, I feel like I her down and I did not have enough time with her.  The first 2 weeks were bad. Today was bad because I had to tell her groomer. My mom and a friend have been helping me through this. I have visited this website a lot but this is my first post. It has helped to write everything down.

I miss her every day. I still feel like she is here. Thank you for reading about my Maddy.
Thanks
Diana
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Mistysmama
I am so sorry....dear little Maddy.
I guess if the vet saw something that serious, it was the most kind decision to have her go peacefully.

My heart goes out to you. Maddy still lives in Spirit and still loves you very much indeed.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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deetes18
Thank you Mistysmama for you comments. I am sorry for your loss too.

 I am still crying and questioning myself 3 and half weeks later. I guess when she got better for while there I thought she had beat what first got her sick. When she relapsed that day I could not believe it. I know what the vet said that day and I made the decision based on that.I miss my smiling, silly girl. My favorite picture of her take a year or so ago.


Maddy2.jpg
Thanks
Diana
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Evie1456
Hi deeetes18. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my little baby 13 year old hi hushes last week to congestive heart failure. I, too,have been struggling with guilt that I could have done more or even that I made her suffer. We have to remember that our dogs know how much we love them and that we gave them the happiest, best lives we could provide for them. In between the bouts of crying, I keep telling myself that. You're not alone in your pain and grief. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Evelyn (Riley's momma)
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rachbu
i'm struggling with all of these emotions too, and the grief just keeps coming in endless waves.  Please know you're in my thoughts, even though I can't write very much right now.
Rachel (Cuddles's mommy)
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deetes18
Thank you Evie1456 and Rachel. I am sorry for your losses too.
Thanks
Diana
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Tommyhunter123
Hi There,
  I lost my Luckydog male beagle and best friend on 10-01-2015. He was my very best friend and there is not a day that goes by where i don't mourn for him or shed a tear for him. 
i remember the first time i met my new daddy, it was around the 2nd week of march the year was 2007. it was very cold and getting dark outside and i do remeber this quite well, it was freezing rain out and i don't know exactly how long i have been on the run, but i was sure cold wet tired and hungry.that night i found myself running in and out of traffic with the lights blinding my eyes, thinking to myself watch out for the cars cuz i am going to get squashed. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere i hear this voice calling me come on boy come on boy. this voice calling me didn't sound like my old master, but at least it would get me out of this cold weather. Did I even have a master now, I have been running on my own for days, no one to feed me no one to warm me no one to love me. When I heard that strange voice calling me, i made a mad dash for him and remembed jumping up in the back seat of this mans car. Oh boy i said to myself, its nice and warm in this mans car as we drove off. Where was I going home with this strange man or to the pound? The ride in the truck did not take us far, we arrived at a very strange house a place i have never seen before. I remember being left waiting in the truck while this man that found me went inside his house. The next thing the man came back out to the truck put a collar and a leashe on me and took me inside. I did not know what to do, I was scared, who are these people? Its not my old master and why was I dropped of in the middle of the night by the woods and left there? I guess I was now abandon,homeless, but i sure was lucky this nice man picked me up before i was hit by a car. The family was very nice to me, i learned prior to being found that this nice family had two beagles for 16 years that had passed on. Was I going to take their place now? The man dried me off with a towel and gave me a nice hot meal and water and a nice warm blanket and crate to sleep in. I was so happy tonight, I would not be running wild.
Luckydog had a great 14 years or should I say the other way around he gave me a great 14 years, but then one day this past Sept 29, we went for our evening walk came back about 7:00 pm and he looked to be having a grammol seziure. He was lying on his side legs paddling and vomiting profusely, I stood him up an gave him the Heimenec manover and he stopped choking. Got him all cleaned up and he appeared ok? The next day he woke up but he seemed to be looking like going from a 14 year old dog to 100 year old dog overnight. All I did was cry, but Luckydog did eat some eggs with me that morning how he loved eggs. During the evening Luckydog got sick again and lost his urine like he had no control. We knew he had a mass on his spleen when he was 12 the vet found it, but Luckydog was to old for surgery and the vet said maybe another 3 months or so, it would grow large. Well on October 1-2015 we made arrangement to take Luckydog to the South Deerfield 24/7 Emergency Animal Hospital in Mass. His regular vet was out of town in California for a vet conference. 
  That afternoon before we tooK Luckydog to the ER Vet Hospital, he came from his doggie bed from the bedroom took a drink of water and looke at me as if to say, "Daddy I am Sorry, but my time has come. He kind of hung his head low. In 1.5 days I watched Luckydog go from a 14 yearold pretty health dog to 114 year old man!
  My wife left work early came home and said he looked really sick, I had been crying for almost two days straight, so I put Luckydogs lease on him loaded him up in the SUV, my wife drove the 35 min to the vet hospital and I sat in the back seat with Luckydog the whole enitre time he rested his tired head on my shoes as if he was saying goodbye one last time.
  When we got to the vet hospital, the vet tec took all Luckdogs health information and took him in the back for an exam. A half hour later Dr. Erica came to the waiting room and got my wife and I and brought us back to the exam room. Luckydog was brought in and he had been given a mild sedative. He did not show no pain unless you picked him up under his belly. Dr, told us that his spleedn was taking up his entire abdomen, and she offered anti-biotics and vomit medicne and we could take him home, at the time i was crying profusely. The Dr. offered to do a full cbc on Luckydog. In that time as we waited, I had told my wife I have been watching Luckydog go downhill for two days , at home he would not eat even chicken rice and hamburg. This was telling me that he was going very slowly.
  Dr. came back in and told us that Luckydog was in Kidney and Liver Failure his bun and creatine were 72 and his spleen was a large cavitated mass that was full of fluid and more than likely the fluid was blood and she though it was to be a malignant cancer now. Even before the blood work took place I told my wife that I cannot watch him dwindle and suffer just to keep myself happy, it would not be fair to Luckdog.
 The vet left us alone and told us that Luckydog could not go home in his current condition which meant a hospital stay and maybe $$$$ thousands of dollars he was worth every penny, but i could not watch him like this any more, so we decided to put him to his final sleep.
 The vet left us alone for about 20 min with him he was already sedated, but I hugged his so and told him that I loved him and in his ear I said thank you Luckydog for always being there though my own cancer and my cancer surgery and my port surgery and my 9 months of chemo and all my other medical conditions. I thanked him very much for being there for me, of couse i have a wife and daugheter to, but they both had jobs so during my time of need Luckydog was there for me each and every day. Sometimes I would lay on his doggy bed with him and every night before bed I would give him a kiss on his nose before i climed into bed myself. His doggy bed was on my side of the bed.
  Dr. came into the exam room and asked me if we needed more time with Luckydog I said no I am ready as my wife and I hugeged Luckydog and cried the vet gave him the pink shot and in a second he went to his final rest. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and I had two female beagles for 16 years that went to their final rest the same way, but it was not as hard Luckydog was. 
 I asked Dr. is he still breathing, she replied right after i gave him the shot he went to sleep in a second. We stood there and cried for awile and we asked for cremation, I kept a pair of roasary beads right over his doggy bed in our bedroom and I wrapped them around his right front paw, and asked they be put in with him during his cremation. I pated him on the back and said thank you for everything and we left. I cried all the way home with his leash and collar in my hand. Right now even as I write this story i can't get no control it hurts so bad inside. A week later we pickedup Luckdogs ern and i put his color around it and can't thank everyone enough for being so kind to us at the animal hospital. Luckydog will never be forgotten or relplaced and every night cry at different times and have a candelighting for him on this web-site. Tonight will be his first candlelight ceramony. Now the holidays are comming so its going to be even harder, and I still waiting for a sign from him letting me know he is ok and that he has met my other two beagle dellie and molly up at rainbowbridge.
  If it were not for luckydog i don't think I would be making it through this cancer and be 2.5 years in remission.
Thank You For Reading
Love your Daddy
David R. Gaspari
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David R. Gaspari
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Tommyhunter123
Luckdog has been gone 11 weeks I feel your pain, I ask myself does it get any easier? I am sorry for your loss.
david gaspari
LUckydogs 
daddy
David R. Gaspari
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bartlett
So many losses and so many different situations leading up to the loss, but in the end it all comes down to the fact that we have all lost a beloved pet. Sometimes I don't think I'll live long enough to get over this (I'm 76) and I don't want to spend my remaining years in sadness, but each day is just as hard as the day before. I know I've come a long way since Dec. 3 when I had to put my precious Chester to sleep because there's no way that kind of pain could be endured for long. So many great memories but it's hard to think of them right now when all I want to do is cry.
I keep saying I may not want to get on this site today, but no one else can relate like the good folks on this site so I just keep coming back.
I'm hoping for better days for all of us. I MISS CHESTER!!!
Chester's mom (Joan)
joan bartlett
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deetes18
Thank you David and Joan for sharing your story of your dogs. I am so sorry for your losses too. This forum has helped me a lot and I know I am not alone in my grief.

I got a bit of a surprise on Tuesday. The vets office called me on Tuesday and they said they had done imprints of Maddy's paws and they were ready to be picked up. They said it is something that they do for the owners. I had no idea they were doing that and I had been kicking myself the past couple of weeks for not doing that myself. Needless to say, it bought on a fresh set of tears. I now have 3 clay imprints of her paws. I still miss her like crazy but it was like I got a little piece of her back. I will always love and miss her my Maddy girl.
Thanks
Diana
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deetes18
My Maddy, tomorrow will be 8 weeks since we had to say good-bye. There has not been a moment since that I have not thought of you. I have had my good days and my bad days. But please know that I will always love you and I did what I did so you would not be in pain any more. I am sorry I did not do more testing, you had already had your blood drawn and tested 3 times and had done xrays.  I will always regret not doing an ultrasound but when you got better on the medicine the vet did not saying anything more about it and I did not think of it either. That will always be my guilt to bear. The vet said the medicine just masked your sickness for while until it came back. You have come to visit me in my dreams a few times and I think that is why I can not wait to go to sleep. It is a chance to see you again. I miss you every day.-Your Mom
Thanks
Diana
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dearellie
Diana, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Maddy, and the awful months you had at the end. I don't know how to get through the guilt but I know we all feel it and I know it's a normal thing to feel. Keep her close to your heart always and may peace come to you.

Hugs,
Liz
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