judylinn Show full post »
tikibarb
The first couple of weeks I had Pip, I was really worried about him dying.  I know it was irrational but I was so worried, I found myself checking and double checking him.  I think it is natural to try and protect our hearts against further hurt when we have such a tragic loss.  I think it will get easier for you as time goes on.  It is probably the combination of taking him back and being alone again that triggers your sadness.  I am so happy that even for only a few hours, your heart is lighter and you are enjoying yourself.  And the benefit to Jake is priceless.  I had a better day today.  Thanks to all for the words of encouragement.  
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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tikibarb
The first couple of weeks I had Pip, I was really worried about him dying.  I know it was irrational but I was so worried, I found myself checking and double checking him.  I think it is natural to try and protect our hearts against further hurt when we have such a tragic loss.  I think it will get easier for you as time goes on.  It is probably the combination of taking him back and being alone again that triggers your sadness.  I am so happy that even for only a few hours, your heart is lighter and you are enjoying yourself.  And the benefit to Jake is priceless.  I had a better day today.  Thanks to all for the words of encouragement.  
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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judylinn
thanks Barb, your so right, Yhe taking him back, when I enjoy him so much is hard, and I think your right, it triggers the aloneness, but my missing Maddie so much. thanks for your words of encouragement.
I'm so glad you had a better day.  Judy
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donnalee
Hi Judy,
I'm so sorry you are experiencing that deep sadness after your time with Jake.  I can't really add anything to what Barb said.  That makes so much sense what she said.....that we would have this natural protective mechanism to protect us from further hurt.  And it also makes sense for you to continue to spend time with Jake which is enjoyable & pleasant for both of you.  I think it is a good thing, even though, you experience the sadness after your time together.   Is this the kind of thing you and your counselor can discuss on one of your visits? 
I hate it that you still have your times of deep pain, but it still seems as if you are healing and making a good bit of progress.  You should be so very proud of yourself for the efforts you are making. 
Jake is so lucky to have you while his parents are gone.  It doesn't sound as if he'd be getting even close to this much attention if it weren't for you.
How are things going with your lessons and students? 
Donna
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judylinn
I lost 2 students this week, one just didn't like the day, and the other couldn't afford it. Our town is still in a recession. As its just me, it can get kind of scary, but I trust that my needs will be provided, and they are.
Jake is great, I took him on a few chores as well, so he is not home alone as much. He is so cute, every time the car stops, he starts is yowling talking that says he is very excited to go.  Maddie didn't talk in that way....hers was different.
I am loving having this time each day with Jake, I just am afraid of getting attached, and then when they come home, it wont be more than probably once a week with him. but I will keep doing it for both our sakes. Judy
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tikibarb
There may come a time when you need to find a new baby of your own Judy.  I know how scary that thought can be and that you are not ready yet.  I hope you are able to spend a lot of time with Jake even after they get back.  It certainly benefits him and they should recognize that.  I am amazed how Jake just found his way into your life.  He seems to have helped you so much even though you suffer when you leave him.  Your posts have a feeling of hope in them now that assures me that you are starting to heal.  I am sorry that you lost two students.  Money seems to be tight everywhere and of course the arts are the first to suffer.  I am having a better day.  I Hope you have a better day too!
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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donnalee
I am also hopeful that someday you will have a desire for another furbaby!  You are such a good Mom and have so much love to give but I know you are the one who has to make that decision and you will know if and when the time comes. 
Of course, I don't know, but I also have a feeling that possibly Jake's parents would be thrilled to have someone help walk Jake that actually cares for him.  Not everybody likes to walk their dogs everyday and teach them tricks, etc.  It doesn't seem as if they have done that so they might be happy to have you continue, especially a few times a week. 
So sorry about the loss of students.  Hopefully, that is it, no more.  We didn't really feel the recession here in the Houston area until just recently.  I've been at this school a long time and I've never seen anything like what is happening now.  They have closed 6 positions and 2 others are going to part-time, including the school nurse.    It's really sad to see what is happening to these co-workers.  I'm praying they will all find something better.
I'm glad tikibarb's days are getting a bit better and will continue.
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judylinn
thank you Barb, and donnalee. Well last night I just seemed to have a break down when I went to bed. the pain just engulfed me. then I lay there til 5:30 am and couldnt sleep at all. no matter what I tried, then at 5:30, I remebered I forgot my medicine, that my body is use to. got up took it and was asleep in minutes. So a very tired day today.
I have thought about a dog some day, but I don't know if I could ever handle this kind of pain of losing again. this has and sometimes is still excruciating.
It's also hard when I teach if the dog takes focus away. thats why I hired my students each afternoon, to be with Maddie and play with her for a few hours.
I was sooo tired, but I took Jake for a 1/2 hr walk anyway. I took a picture of him that I will put up once I figure out how to get it off my camera to my puter...very challenged there.
Thanks for your support, love you both. Judy
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tikibarb
Judy, You have a valid point.  I do think I am a little more worrisome with Pip.  I think about losing him more than is probably normal.  I was petrified the first couple of days he was here, afraid I would do something wrong.  Almost like I never had a dog before!  I chalk it up to knowing the depth of the pain that I now know is possible and being afraid of going through that again.  I am glad you took Jake today even though you must have been exhausted.  I have been awake at that time of the AM many nights and know how exhausting it can be.  Thank God for modern medicine.  Judy, you have come so far and worked through this horrific pain with only help from us.  I am so happy that you are feeling some relief even though you are still in pain every day.  I think Jake helps with that by giving you love and appreciation and by bringing your grief to the forefront of your mind so you can work through it.  I am sure you do not realize just how far you have come since you first started posting.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  I get glimpses of it almost every day now.  Try to get a good nights sleep tonight.  It is so much harder to deal with when our energy level is depleated.  Have a better day tomorrow.  

Donnalee, I can't help but wonder what happens to the kid who gets sick when the nurse isn't there?  Seems ridiculous to make that a part time position.  Do you got o the Quilt Show November in Houston?  I will be there with my daughter who is vending...if you are close enough, maybe we could meet for coffee?
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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judylinn
thanks for your insight about jake Barb. I guess that is true, being with Jake, does bring the pain to the forefront, and I go through whatever comes. Thanks, sometimes, I cant see how far I have come, especially last night.
That would be sooo awesome if you 2 could meet. I would be there in spirit!!
Guess I have to start a new thread, this one is almost full. thanks barb and donnalee.
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always_tuffy
Judy,
You are remarkable.  The love you and Maddie have is meant for all time.  I am happy that you are bring new love to Jake and his life.  It also brings new value to you and Maddie.  As I've said before I wish I could have known Maddie, and you too.  Keep living, keep loving my friend Judy.

Love to you both.  You and Maddie in my heart always.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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judylinn

thanks regina, for the kind words.  Hope you are doing well. Judy

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donnalee

Oh, yes, Barb, that would be great!  I work in Houston and live in a suburb of Houston, so, yes, that is close for me.  I'd love to do that.  We'll make plans a little closer to November, which will be here before we know it.  What are the dates in November of the Quilt Show?  To actually see a friend in person from this website would be amazing!

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donnalee
Judy, I think you are trying to close out this thread.  You always get a lot of responses----you are very popular!  So, I'll start moving over to the other one.
Those sleepless nights are the worst.  And then, you are dragging the next day.  Hope you sleep well tonight and have a good weekend. 
Love to you too,
Donna

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