judylinn

It's 6 weeks today since I lost my prescious baby girl. My heart still aches and I grieve every day. though at least while I teach piano, I can handle it better...until I come back in the house and you aren't there sweetheart. Your not there to greet each and every student with a smile and a stuffy.

I miss touching you, and hugging you, and telling you what a good girl you were. When I would say, maddie your such a gooood girl, you would lick your lips and nod your head and I knew you were feeling the love.

I miss your love coming back to me, with my whole heart and soul dear one. I look at your pictures, and see what a great life you had, though I feel guilt for the times I said dont bother me right now...stop....if only I had those times back putzy,  I look at more pictures, and I see your pain, and know that releasing you was from deep love, and that you are grateful, you didn't have to suffer any more. I know I did the right thing. It took so much courage baby, to make that descion. When I told you it was okay to go if that's what you needed, you went down hill that very day. I said I would be okay, and I guess I will, but never did I imagine the depth of the agony I have felt since you left. It will be a long healing journey for me dear Maddie. You were the 1st to truly open my heart, and the pain hurts through my whole body.

My whole life has been about hurt, but nothing came close as the pain of your passing. I suppose I will be okay, and I promise to be okay, because that is my thanks to you for sharing your life with me, and helping to totally change my life.Bringing people to me through all your sicknesses over the years, that got me the help I needed.

You have been the perfect dog for me Maddie, and I am so glad that everyday without fail, I told you what a good girl you were, I told you how beautiful you were, I thanked you for your love, even when I was unlovable according to me, I pray that it is true, that you are always around me. I talk to you as if you are, and it brings me some measure of comfort.

Even in your passing dear Maddie, you are still bringing me gifts...healing the hurts, wanting to grow spiritually, so that all you did for me, is ongoing, and that just keeps strengthening our bond.

You brought me a beautiful yellow lab Jake, to me, so that I can walk him for his parents. I know that was your gift darling, and it will start tomorrow.

Though it has been 6 weeks, it is still raw, but I can feel the healing creep in. It's the hardest thing to know that my life has to go on without Maddie.

The people here, have been the reason, that I am healing. all your love, and patience and kindness, has helped me so much. thank you to everyone. and I know Maddie thanks you that there are people to help. Judy
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vbraden91

Maddie is so pretty.  She looks like she was happy in your pictures, and I'm sure she was all her life.  I know how you feel to know she loved you more than anything and living life day-today without her is sooo hard.  I hate wanting to hold Cheeto in my arms and know that I can't.  You're sitting another dog?  That's great.  I'm still not sure when I want to try having another pet yet, I'm still not over feeling guilty about replacing Cheeto.  But I do know another pet would make me happy.  Maybe Jake will bring some of the happiness back, especially since Maddie sent him.

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donnalee
Oh goodness, Judy, my first thread to read of the night and you got me crying already with that beautiful post!  And those pictures---those eyes--I've seen the pics before but she really is so beautiful.  I also have a small smile and a hopeful heart because I hear you saying the healing is beginning to creep in.  I can't believe it has been 6 weeks.   I know it is still so very hard but you are doing great and you are going to be fine.  What Maddie did for you will stay with you and her love and impact on your life will continue.   You should be very proud of yourself.   All you have come through, and then to be this incredible person that you are is so amazing to me.  
I'm so happy you get to walk Jake tomorrow and can't want to hear all about it.   He is not Maddie, of course, but Maddie sent him to you and he is just the perfect gift for this time of your life.  I hope you enjoy it! 
As always, sending good thoughts, prayers, and hugs your way!
DonnaLee 
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tikibarb
Judy, you have come a long way on your journey.  I can feel the difference in your posts.  They are moving from agony to something less and I can tell that you are starting to be able to have the happy memories more often.  I am so excited about Jake.  I will say a prayer that it goes well for both of you.  I love the pic of Maddie swimming.  She looks soooo happy.

Cheeto's mom, you should look at the post "new furbaby".  I started this post when I was debating about getting another baby to love and was feeling guilty.  It turned out I was not alone in my thought process.  You might find it comforting as well as informative.  I did end up getting a puppy who I now cherish and has really helped me heal.

Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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DebbieD
Judy, you and Maddie were perfect for each other. Just as she got you to love and trust, you gave her such a wonderful, loving home and she adored you for it - it's so obvious in your pictures how happy and loved she was.

And I'm so glad it is working out that you will be walking Jake. I know he will bring you joy too that you are helping him have some fun while his owners are away. Please tell us how it goes - I know the first walk might be a little tough but how wonderful that he gets to have that fun rather than being cooped up. Maddie would be so proud of you!!
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GrievingGinger
Judy, I know it's tough and you might have mixed emotions. But go into this with knowing you are doing a good deed for someone else and another dog. He might not be as good as Maddie, but doing something good for others while in your time of need will be good Karma. Be proud of yourself! You gave Maddie a really good life and other's can use that goodness, even if it's just for a short walk.

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judylinn
Well, I went to see and walk Jake today. He was such a beautiful boy!! he actually looked very like Maddie, in his face, and he also had long eyelashes. He got into my car, and sniffed all over for Maddie, and his mom came. we went on a nice walk in the forest, and he is such a sweetie. His mom Susan is also very nice. I looked Jake right in the eyes, and told him thank you for letting me walk him.  He is a cuddler with his mom, and a gentle soul. His mom said, like Maddie, he has tons of friends.
So I am going to walk him as often as possible in the 4 or so weeks he is away. I also want to bring him here for a few hours one day. I woke up so depressed today, I just didn't want to go. I'm soooo glad I did, It was so nice to be around a bundle of love. thanks for encouraging me to go.

His mom, said, even when they are back, I can still come and take him for walks. They are away at christmas, and it would be sooo nice, if he could come here. But anyway, for today, I am so thankful for this gift that Maddie brought me.
My adult student came tonight, the one that loved Maddie, and after her lesson, we reminisced about Maddie again, and how loving she was. when you came to her, she would tuck her head in your neck, and snuggle like that.
So it was a good thing!!
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donnalee
Yeah, Judy, I think most of us are like that sometimes.  We just don't feel like doing something.  Then, we force ourself to do it anyway.  Then afterwards, we are so glad we did it! This is definitely a good thing and I'm sure Maddie had a hand in it.  There will be good days and bad days but, at some point, the good days will outnumber the bad days.  Even though your day started rough, I glad it got better and you had some moments of happiness.
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vbraden91

Aw!  It's good that you bonded well with Jake.  I wish I had something to bond with before I actually take the dip to getting another animal..  I knoew how it feels to wake up and just not have the urge to do anything..  It's good that you pulled through.  I'm sure Jake appreciates someone walking him.  Just remember next time you feel like jsut laying in bed, that Maddie knows whats best for you.

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tikibarb
I am thrilled that your day with Jake worked out.  I knew it would.  They just have that uncanny healing power.  I went through those same feelings the first night I had Pip.  But it worked out for me too as you know.  It will do wonders for you to be able to walk him on a regular basis.  How generous of Jakes owners to extend that offer.  Even though they benefit too, it is still so nice and caring of them.  Most of all, Jake will have a great walker to talk to and to get some extra attention and exercise with.  So great for both of you!  
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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judylinn
thank you all. tonight I have alot of tears,  I just miss my own Maddie so much. I miss her sooo much. thank you for those words vbraden..that maddie knows what best for me. I truly believe this was Maddies gift to me.
It was a little hard, seeing the similarity in the face...at least they are different colors..Jake is a white lab.

thanks for the support. I really appreciate it all. I look so forward to each night when you leave me messages. it helps me so much..thankyou.
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Leigh
Oh, Judy, I'm sooo glad Jake took you for a walk and you liked it :)

Thank you, Maddie, for introducing your friend, Jake, to your mom.  You know what she needs!

(((hugs)))
Leigh


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GrievingGinger
I'm so happy it went so well!  Maddie definitely sent you Jake.
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DebbieD

Oh, I just knew that ultimately this would be such a good thing for you! Congratulations to Maddie for taking care of you even now!

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niki
Maddie was beautiful
i hope you are ok
6 weeks is not long
I know what you mean about Maddie greeting the students!
Mint was the studio cat,my husband is a singing teacher/musicain and Mint used to greet every student, infact she would sit on his shoulders and when she talked to his students she would be looking at them !!!
it hurts to think of it but it was so cute and funny, i can see her face now, checking out the new student !!! My husband was grief stricken like me when Mint went. he found working almsot impossible
you take care ok
best wishes
Niki
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