It's 6 weeks today since I lost my prescious baby girl. My heart still aches and I grieve every day. though at least while I teach piano, I can handle it better...until I come back in the house and you aren't there sweetheart. Your not there to greet each and every student with a smile and a stuffy.Though it has been 6 weeks, it is still raw, but I can feel the healing creep in. It's the hardest thing to know that my life has to go on without Maddie.
I miss touching you, and hugging you, and telling you what a good girl you were. When I would say, maddie your such a gooood girl, you would lick your lips and nod your head and I knew you were feeling the love.
I miss your love coming back to me, with my whole heart and soul dear one. I look at your pictures, and see what a great life you had, though I feel guilt for the times I said dont bother me right now...stop....if only I had those times back putzy, I look at more pictures, and I see your pain, and know that releasing you was from deep love, and that you are grateful, you didn't have to suffer any more. I know I did the right thing. It took so much courage baby, to make that descion. When I told you it was okay to go if that's what you needed, you went down hill that very day. I said I would be okay, and I guess I will, but never did I imagine the depth of the agony I have felt since you left. It will be a long healing journey for me dear Maddie. You were the 1st to truly open my heart, and the pain hurts through my whole body.
My whole life has been about hurt, but nothing came close as the pain of your passing. I suppose I will be okay, and I promise to be okay, because that is my thanks to you for sharing your life with me, and helping to totally change my life.Bringing people to me through all your sicknesses over the years, that got me the help I needed.
You have been the perfect dog for me Maddie, and I am so glad that everyday without fail, I told you what a good girl you were, I told you how beautiful you were, I thanked you for your love, even when I was unlovable according to me, I pray that it is true, that you are always around me. I talk to you as if you are, and it brings me some measure of comfort.
Even in your passing dear Maddie, you are still bringing me gifts...healing the hurts, wanting to grow spiritually, so that all you did for me, is ongoing, and that just keeps strengthening our bond.
You brought me a beautiful yellow lab Jake, to me, so that I can walk him for his parents. I know that was your gift darling, and it will start tomorrow.
The people here, have been the reason, that I am healing. all your love, and patience and kindness, has helped me so much. thank you to everyone. and I know Maddie thanks you that there are people to help. Judy