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Lucyz_Dada

6/7/2020-

Hard as I try... the grief washes over me every evening. Lucy and I had an evening ritual of a trip out side for a walk around the property, then it was a cookie for being a good girl, and a little bowl of raw milk from the holding tank, brushing of both our choppers, some "huggie time", and the radio would send us off to sleep. None of this happens anymore... well, except for brushing my teeth. I completely lose it when I crawl in bed. Now, instead of the radio putting me to sleep, it's tears. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to take it. I've started volunteering at the shelter in town, and have met some wonderful dogs, and people. None of them are Lucy though... and none will ever be. I want Lucy back, and nothing else will do I'm afraid. She barked twice the other morning and woke me up. I was an hour late to get the cows up and start milking. It wasn't her, but it was her bark. Hard as that may be to believe, it happened. A week ago, I thought I was moving ahead. Now, not so much. The vet's office called Thursday to let me know that Lucy's ashes and her paw print are there for me to pick up. A lot of people say that it helps to have them. Right now, to me, it seems like that will remove my ability to pretend she'll come running down the hall and jump on her little couch for a nap. I guess we'll see if it helps. So, anyway... it helps to write here. I'm sorry there are so many new people grieving the loss of their pets. This year seems so dark. I'll be 60 this year. That doesn't matter to me one way or the other, I reckon.

Be good to yourselves. More later.

Jim Allen

Jim
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Lis84
Hope your Holding up ok. When the time is right maybe you will find another dog, not a replacement but a companion. Some say choose one completely different to your last so you don't Compare.
I understand about nights being hard, so many thoughts run through your head. 
You sound like you gave her a awesome life! 
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drewski682
If there is anything I can tell you above all else.. focus on the quality of the remainder of her life more than anything.  When my dog passed, I couldnt help but drill myself with "what if I would have done this" or "I could have made time for this".  You do everything you can to make it not feel like a death sentence but the best time ever.  During the day, make as much of the day as you can.  At night, keep her close, hold her.   I promise you the comfort of knowing your dog passes happy is much better closure than trying to extend time and delaying the inevitable.

Also.. without letting it take a lot of time away from her quality of life, document.  Take pictures. Take video.  I cant explain in words how relieved I was that I discovered two good quality videos I had forgotten about. There was no price on seeing her active and "alive" again.  Sorry I know this response is vague, I'm not the best in offering words of comfort.  But I can tell you I was an absolute wreck when I knew it was "time".  I spent a lot of time on the What If's and What Should I's.   Just make your Lucy's last days the best they can be
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Mdmoore
Jim I feel your pain and the sadness you are going through. I agree as it helped me also to write it out, but just like you I miss my baby girl and all the special things we did together every day.  I will never be able to replace her with any other dog, but I hope that over time you gain distance from the sadness.
M moore
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CK1991
Dear Jim, I’m so sorry for your pain! Lucy was a lucky girl to be so very loved. I’m sure she knew it. I commend you for not allowing her suffering to continue and taking her pain. It’s what we do as loving pet parents but it breaks our hearts. I hope you continue to visit this forum and just update on how you are doing. We all understand the devastation of losing a beloved fur baby so it’s a safe place to let out your grief.
Hugs to you!
CK
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Monroegirl
So sorry for your loss of Lucy. Sounds like such a beautiful life she had! 
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Lucyz_Dada

To all you wonderful folks who’ve replied here, I just wanted to say thank you. I haven’t been very good at saying that lately, and it’s a character flaw I need to fix. Your responses have helped so much to ease this terrible pain in my heart.

I’m not into social media at all, and this is really my first foray into anything close. Between reading the stories of the relationships you all had with your dogs and cats, and the comforting words you’ve written to me, my faith in humanity is light years ahead of where it was just a month ago. I truly believe that people who have deep relationships with their animals are the finest folks on Earth. I am in awe of all of you!

Again, thank you all for your heartfelt prose. It means more than you will ever know!

Jim Allen
~Lucy’s Dad~

Jim
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