MandaLovesFlowers
I am brand new here. My mother has always loved the Rainbow Bridge and so after today, I joined. It all started last Friday when my youngest dog, Gracie (7 years old) wasn't feeling well. After a weekend of antibiotics, she started vomiting very early on Tuesday morning. To make a long story short, we put Gracie in-patient at our local veterinary hospital/vet school.....and today she was doing terribly. Her platelets were 5,000 when they should be up around 200,000. She looked so sick and tired....couldn't even hold her head up. I wanted the doctors to continue testing her but my mother felt it best that we let her go....and eventually I came around....kind of. I've had several animals die in the past....but this is the first I've witnessed go.......it was awful. She died peacefully....but knowing....once they put that injection in...there's no turning back....very hard. I've been crying all day. We buried her at my aunt's house in the country with 8 other dogs to keep her company. I love my puppy so much. I'm worried now about her older brother......will he cope okay? He's had company for his whole life. How can I help him through this time? Thanks for any advice.....
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MandaLovesFlowers
Sorry about the rambling nature of this post.....I've been awake since 6:00 AM. Thanks again :)
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Daisymaesdaddy
Please do not be sorry. And you certainly were not rambling. You are grieving and that is why this site is here. We all know what feelings you are having right now. It is very hard to find someone who truly understands your feelings of grief over a "pet".
I lost my greatest gift almost 2 1/2 weeks ago and I am devastated. She was and always will be my best friend. Losing someone or something of that importance in your life is very traumatic. Here I am 3:50 am and on this site. Since I lost my baby girl sleep is rare. I toss and I turn. If only I could sleep maybe I would dream of my baby girl and feel her presence in my life again. So I come here. It has been my source of comfort. Everyone on this site has been where we are. They understand our feelings and what we are going through. I have found comfort and solice. I have received so many words of encouragement and prayers for my baby girl and I.
I am truly sorry about the loss of your baby. What was her name. Please come back and share with us your life together. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. God bless!

David
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LG
Hi Mandalovesflowers,
    I am so very, very sorry for your loss. David is right, everyone on this forum understands your pain. Grief is a gut-wrenching experience that, unfortunately, neither you or Gracie's brother can avoid. When my sweet girl, Chili, passed, her brother grieved for months. I'm afraid there is little that can be done, other than to give him extra attention, cuddle him and get him outside for extra walks when you can. It may be that the best comfort will come from each other.

I will be praying for you and your sweet Gracie today. You have friends here at RB. Please come back, as we are all here for each other.

I am sending warm thoughts for comfort and peace to you.

Sincerely,
Lauren (LG)
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Lana
Dear Mandalovesflowers,

We all know exactly what you are going through and it is terribly painful.  I'm new at this also, I had to put my dog, Maggie, to sleep 5 days ago and I miss her so much.

This is the best place for you right now, everyone is so kind and understanding.  You will find comfort in the words others write to you but you will also be surprised at how much comfort your will get from writing your own, sharing your story and eventually offering comfort to others.

Did you ever find out what caused Gracie to get so sick?

I also have other dogs and I worry about them like you do yours.  Maggie's mother Zoey walks around the house and whimpers like she is looking for her.  I think they will need time too.  Like Lauren said, extra walks and attention might help.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today.  Please come back here and say whatever you need to.  We are all here to listen and try to help you in any way we can.

Peace to you,
Lana
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MandaLovesFlowers
Thank you David, Laura, and Lana...your kind words and understanding mean very much to me.

David, her name was Gracie...she was a mix of Maltese and Corgi.

Lana, they never found out....they thought it could either be an infection or cancer. She was fine up until last Friday and then BAM...so I questioned cancer but the doctors said dogs can live quite well with liver cancer until it's critical. So there are many questions with no answers. We just know that no matter what the cause of her symptoms, she was so weak and her platelet count so low that there really was nothing we could do to help her.

I have her older brother, Harry, too. I worked at a flower shop and one of our neighbors brought Harry in one day so I bought him for 50 dollars. I'd never owned a dog before. About 8 months later the neighbor told me that his dog was pregnant again. I instantly decided I wanted a girl. I picked Gracie out when she was 12 hours old, the size of a hamster. I picked her because she had this little spot of brown in the white fur on her shoulders. When I finally brought her home she was the size of a guinea pig and a scrapper right away. She definitely thought she was a lot larger and tougher than her 20 pounds. She was so cute...we called her our "forever puppy" because no matter how old she got she always looked like a puppy. She was kind and gentle and loving to everyone. Everyone who met her fell in love. I always knew I'd have to let her go, as all living things reach their end....but I expected it to be many years from now. Gracie never learned how to "lay down." She would sit, give paw and do "uppies" but would never lay down. She was stubborn and wonderful. I'm so happy I've found this place where I don't feel ashamed of how devastated I am over my dog's death. It was so nice waking up to your replies. Thank you again.

Amanda
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LG
Hi Amanda,
    I have been thinking of you today. I'm glad you've come back to the forum. We all know your heartbreak. How is Gracie's brother? How are you?

Amanda, I suspect I may know what happened to your sweet Gracie. I don't know, though, if this is something you want to talk about or not...... Let me know if you DO want to talk and I will be happy to tell you what I suspect. If you don't want to talk about it, that's perfectly fine too.....

It's funny. Gracie sounds a lot like Chili. My sweet girl, Chili, was nicked named "The Sweet", because she was just that, but she was also stubborn, smart and willful! What a funny combination (Funny was another of her nicknames)! She always made me laugh.

I would love to hear more about your sweet girl. I can tell how wonderful she was simply by reading your words. Her life may have much too short, but she lived a blessed life in the love and devotion you gave her.

Warm thoughts for comfort and peace are been sent your way.

Sincerely,
Lauren (LG)
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MandaLovesFlowers
LG,
I'm going to send you a private message. Thank you for being so present here.
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MandaLovesFlowers
Gracie the Model 2.jpg  Here is my baby; such a love!
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heartsick
Gracie is beautiful. You can see the love from her eyes.

I am very sorry that you lost her.

You are in my thoughts.

Susan (heartsick)
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LG
Hi Manda Loves Flowers. I'm afraid I'm still figuring all of this chat stuff out.....  Where do you go for personal messages, and I did try to answer you on the chat you send asking if I got the message, but I don't think I sent it correctly....... Help?

How are you? I've been thinking about you.....

Sincerely,
Lauren (LG)
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MandaLovesFlowers
I will post it here :)

Hi LG,

Gracie's brother, Harry, as my mother reports, is "bewildered, searching for her, seems confused and seems sad." She said that when she let him out this morning, he ran around the yard sniffing and it seemed like he'd been looking for her. He's also been super attached to my father for about 3 weeks. Makes me think that he had some feeling that things were going to change before any of us had any idea. Dogs are perceptive I think. My pups have lived with my parents since I moved out a few years ago as I could not take them to my apartment. I went to see them several times a week though and used to stay over there on weekends and for weeks when my parents went away.

I would like to know what your thoughts are on what went wrong with Gracie. We fed them "organic" dog food from a specialty shop, gave them organic dog treats and my mom always cleaned the house with Simple Green. We are just so confused as to what happened. Her symptoms over the last week were nausea, vomiting, lack of appetite, lethargy and then toward the end, sneezing blood and blood from her rectum, low platelets, low WBC, low potassium, low calcium, and abnormal scans of her pancreas, liver, heart and intestines.

I would love to tell you more about Gracie and show you a picture. She was such an adorable dog and was so sweet. She could make a crappy day so much better just by her little tail wagging. One of the funniest things about her was how much she loved fetch. She would play and play and play until she had to lie down. And sometimes, when she'd run (her tail curled up toward her back) her tail would bob up and down and touch her back and she'd stop dead in her tracks, drop the ball and look around at what was touching her. Made us all laugh every time. She'd also find the ball no matter what and bring it to you. If she dropped it too far away we'd say "bring it" and she'd bring it closer.

Today was a hard day. I stayed home from work and felt stupid about doing so. I cried, held her collar, cried, slept and cried some more. I went to a comedy show and had a good night but now that I'm home and writing about her I'm sad again. I hope I can work through this and be okay again....but I don't want to forget her. I want to keep remembering her soft, silky hair, her smell and her love for giving kisses. I hope those things stay with me for a long, long time.

Thank you so much for your time and kind words. They mean more than you can know.

Amanda

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LG
Hi MandaLovesFlowers,
    I finally figured out how to "Chat" and found the private messages. I did answer you. You baby sounds so adorable! I am sure the memories hurt now. For me (I'm more than six and a half months into this now), memories are bittersweet. I won't lie, I cry pretty much every day still, some days harder than others, but I do have moments when I can smile at a memory. Some days are better than others. Yesterday was ok, but today I was a "crier", don't know why.......

As far as "feeling stupid" because you stayed home and were grieving, I suspect that if someone told you they had stayed home for that reason, you wouldn't think it was stupid at all. I think you need to cut yourself some slack. You need what you need. Probably if you HAD gone to work, you would have been crying there and not getting much work done either.

Just one other thing...... You WON'T forget your beautiful Gracie! It's not possible to forget someone who brought such love and joy into your life.

I am thinking about you, as I know how very devastated you feel right now. What your going through is completely normal for someone who had the type of bond you did with your baby.

I am sending thoughts for comfort and peace to you.

Sincerely,
Lauren (LG)
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MandaLovesFlowers
LG,

Thank you so much for your continued contact. I was fine all day until I decided to watch a video I took of her playing fetch over the summer. I am so glad I have that moment captured because it was her very favorite thing to do, but it is still so hard to watch. I am a mess right now. And you are right...she brought us so much joy. I keep trying to tell myself that it is better to have had her...even for her short life...than to never have had her at all. She was such a love and always brought a smile to your face. I will keep trying to remember the good times instead of seeing her so sick at the end. I do feel that this is all going to take a long time to move through. I have never felt like this about another animal.....I feel guilty even saying that as I do love her brother too....but she was just....special. I'm so glad that I found this forum and found you....and others who understand just how difficult this all is. Anyways....thanks again...so much....

Amanda
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LG
Hi Amanda,
    No thanks needed. We all help each other here and I've gotten more than my fair share of help too.... Yes, I know what you mean in that she was "special". I have four dogs, but Chili and I always had that "thing". I've thought a lot about that and have decided that I believe we just CONNECT with certain souls. I don't think that diminishes the others in our lives.

I have videos of Chili also. As a matter of fact, January 2012 I started getting nervous that Chili wouldn't be with me too much longer and started taking lots of pictures and filming her. I don't know why I thought this and I had her to the vet a bunch of times over the year (before her dx. last Dec.) and nothing was found. I love having those videos, but can't watch them often......

As you know, it's been awhile since Chili passed. I think we just have to cry and grieve, and cry and grieve. I stopped caring what others think and stopped trying to control how long this takes. I hope you keep coming back to this forum because, for me, this has been the best source of support. Everyone understands the depth of your despair.

I am thinking of you. I wish there was more I could do.

Sincerely,
Lauren (LG)
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