Melb
My husband and I had to euthanize our dog Lola this morning. She developed a tumor and went from 74 pounds to 52 pounds in a few weeks. I know we made the right decision at the right time. She wouldn't eat, and she couldn't move her back legs. Last night, she would just urinate in her bed, and she didn't have the strength to move. I cried so much watching her suffer, and I thought I would feel relieved once it was done and she wasn't in pain anymore. We stayed with her through the whole procedure and something about holding her body once she was gone just broke me. I do feel relieved for her sake, but now I'm having panic attacks where my chest gets tight and I can't breathe every time I think about her. I'm trying to remember the good times, but it's really hard. I'm glad her last memory was of us holding her, but I'm having such a hard time with my last memory of her. I'm also sad because she was only 9 years old, and I feel like she deserved more life than she got.
I got Lola when I was 21, right before I graduated from college. My childhood wasn't great, and my parents were emotionally abusive. I never wanted a family, but Lola ended up being the first member of my first good family. She was with me when I couldn't find a job after college and we were young and poor, when I got my first "big girl" job, when I started dating my husband and when we got married. Now we have two other dogs plus a cat, but I just thought I would have my whole family for a little while longer. She was so smart and loyal, always trying to protect me (even from my husband when he first came around, but she warmed up to him eventually). I love her and I miss her so much.
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Missingmybaby101
Melb,

I am so sorry for your loss, I completely understanding the feeling that you are talking about. When I lost my cat, Pepper, I felt as though I would never feel the same again. I could feel my heart physically breaking. My chest would get tight thinking about a memory with her, and I would cry for hours. I am here to tell you that time really does heal. I know that is such a cliché thing to say, and I wish there was a better answer. But, I am glad that you and your dog shared such remarkable memories together. Remember that you still have those, and she knew that you were there for her. Keep your other fur babies close, and remember that your "whole family" will still have Lola in it. She is just in a different place, but nevertheless still with you, because your hearts are still, and forever will be connected. 😉

Warm regards,
Missingmybaby101
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PeppermintPatty
I am so sorry for your loss. I pretty much can reiterate everything Missingmybaby101 articulated perfectly. 

It is the loss of a family member, and it is painful beyond what you could ever have imagined. When we look back on our little fur babies' lives, the floodgates open and you remember how they were there for you unconditionally throughout the ups and downs in your life. When the loss is new, it's hard to find solace in the good memories because we get caught up in the pain of watching health deteriorate, the final moments, the grief, guilt, void, etc.

I wish you peace in your healing process. When the pain becomes overwhelming, don't forget to breathe.

RIP Lola. :(
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Avabear
I'm so sorry you are feeling this pain, it is heartbreaking having to make the decison to let them go but you know you made the right decsion, it's the last great act of love we can give to our precious furbabies but is is also the hardest and for a time overshadows all that went before, but as time goes by we do start to move on from focusiing on the end and can remember the life they had not the death they had but that takes time. Thinking of you xx
Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon

 

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Melb
I've had a leaky car tire for the past few weeks - I need a new one but I just haven't had time to deal with it with Lola being so sick. I realized when I got to the parking lot today that I would have to put more air in my tire. The last time I had to do this was a few weeks ago coming home from one of Lola's vet trips. I started filling the tire and I just pictured her watching me out the car window like she had the last time and I had a breakdown right there in the parking lot crying. I don't know how I'm going to function when something as random as putting air in my car tire sends me back to bed crying uncontrollably.
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