Ripley14
... and I am lost without her. My dog's name was Ripley. She was a beautiful and delicate 12 pound Jack Russell Terrier. Ripley was my side kick. We were never apart except for something like a doctor appointment. Even then I had to hurry home to be with her. If she wasn't following me, I was following her. Ripley quickly became my life line. We bought her from a breeder and she was the best little friend you could ask for in this life time. Aside from allergies, Ripley was pretty healthy. All the more reason that the day she died it was such a shock. It's been 8 weeks since that horrible day and I am still in shock. I went from crying nonstop to feeling frozen in place. I can't seem to function without her. Everything has lost it's meaning. I'm almost afraid of being without her. It seems so cold and empty. There are so many places in my life and the house that I expect to see her. But then the cold realization sets in that she is gone. She went so quickly. Here's what happened on 11.30.15:  We really love JRTs and had three of them. Ripley was the first and then several weeks later the breeder called us to ask if we would take in a JRT rescue. Absolutely. We always name our dog first and then the dog comes along later to fill in. We knew that we would get a second JRT so we named him Zoom. After that was when the breeder called. When we brought Zoom home they were so happy to be together. They played for three days straight until they dropped. Both puppies were the same age which was about 10 weeks old. Now it's been 14.5 years later. Two years ago we added a third JRT whose name is Darby. So in the night Ripley gave a little whimper to wake me up so she could go out to pee. She ran around the yard and then back into the house. I noted the time was 4am. We had a snack of Ritz cracker and peanut butter and I gave her a bowl of milk. Milk was her favorite treat! Then we went back to bed. She was fine ... happy ... tail wagging. At 7am I took Darby out and then back into his downstairs crate while I tended to the other two. I always woke Ripley up slowly by rubbing her ears and her belly and singing into her ear. Then she would make a good long stretch and Ripley, Zoom and myself would head outside. On this morning Ripley vomited when she woke up. I picked her up quickly and noticed that she felt weak. I knew that she had a uti developing [first one in two years!] and had planned to call the vet as soon as they opened. I carried her outside and set her down on the grass and she just fell over on her side. Something was very wrong. I grabbed her up and ran inside. I called my spouse for help. "Please hurry." As I held her, she vomited again. I sat with her in our special chair and wrapped her up in a blanket. She was shivering but that stopped when she was wrapped up. We jumped into the car and floored it for the vet's office. The vet's first guess was kidney failure. "That quickly?" It didn't make sense to me. But as the vet requested, we left her there for treatment and went to a relative's house to wait. That afternoon the vet called me and gave me the grim diagnosis. It became clear to the vet that Ripley had a brain bleed in her brain stem. The doctor suspected a lesion that was untreatable. She gave me a choice of taking Ripley to the emergency vet where there was more advanced equipment or to put her to sleep. At first I chose to take her for the second opinion but once I saw her I realized that it wouldn't be right. I had promised her 14 years ago that I would always take care of her and when it was time for her to go ... I would do the right thing. So the vet quickly set up to put her to sleep. It was the worst thing to have to do. Because of the brain bleed she could not see me but she was aware that it was me holding her. I cried and cried and try to make sense of the last few hours. It was so sudden! She was breathing quickly but when the doctor gave her an injection to relax her, the heavy panting stopped. Then the doctor gave her the final injection. I held her close and told her it was ok to go. Someday we would be together again. I watched the life in her eyes gradually fade away. And then she was gone. My baby girl was gone. I don't know how to live without her. No other dog will ever take her place. She really loved me. And I loved her so much I would do anything for her. God bless, little girl. xoxo
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LUCYLULU
Oh Pamela~ Your post is heartbreaking. I am crying for you and to be honest-- also for me & my Lucy. She actually looks a little bit like my Lucy too. Lucy was 14 years/2 months when I took her pain. At that moment, you made the absolutely most loving decision for your Ripley. And you were holding her, loving her, talking to her, comforting her as she peacefully drifted off toward the rainbow bridge. This is the only real solace that I fall back on...is the knowledge that I took Lucy's pain. You did the same for Ripley. But afterwards-- now-- and maybe forever, the pain of missing our best girls is so hard. Ripley reminds me of Lucy too. She looks like she is looking @ you & actually talking to you-- without speaking. Total understanding & trust between you two. It's in her eyes. You can see it in the picture. It's the deep, loving bond and connection that you shared and will continue to share.

I wish I knew which words can fill the void. But I don't. It is so damn hard to be here without them. Even looking @ pictures/bios of other dogs (adopt) etc., I just get sad all over again b/c I am missing my girl so much. Please know that we all understand the heartbreak that you feel. It's like someone tied knots deep in your stomach. Head hurts. Heart hurts. Why can't they live longer? Ripley is not suffering. If you had done the procedure & she was in worse pain & suffering-- that would have been bad. Or if she passed without you there, holding her...that would have been bad. She knows that you loved her so much that you took her pain away & kept your promise of true love. Hugs, KC
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Beaglemomma
OH boy, this gave me the shivers because it is so like what happened to my little Beagle Molly.  She too was 14 and suffered from severe allergies, but we found a holistic Vet who could clear those.  I knew her time was coming but she was fine that Thanksgiving day, we went for a walk in the morning and then it started.  She was pacing without stopping until she got into a corner and couldn't seem to figure out how to get out.  I would go and help her but it just kept up getting more frantic all the time.  I was alone with no car, so found a neighbor to take me to the Vet where a stroke was diagnosed and he too suggested a 3 hour drive for an MRI, but she was blind and FRANTIC and I just KNEW what I had to do.  Odd that there were NO other symptoms, she ate lunch, did her thing on the walk and all was fine until suddenly it wasn't.

Take comfort in that you could hold and soothe her, Molly was just on overdrive and there was NO holing her or whispering to her to comfort her and that haunts me.  Your baby seems to have known you were there loving her, try to take some comfort from that.

I can certainly sympathize with what you have gone through.  It was 6 weeks before I could even begin to tell her story and this is the short version since it is only my intent to console you and let you know how closely I understand.  Good that you have other babies to love even though one doesn't take the place of another.  My house is empty and quiet and no one greets me when I come home.

Take care and know that HERE it is OK to say whatever you feel and someone will understand and respond.
janice
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Ripley14
To Janice & KC: Thank you for your thoughtful words. I read both replies over and over because they were so comforting. Sometimes your head is in such an ugly place that you overlook the good that came of an awful situation. The vet was relieved when I finally said we should put her to sleep. The vet explained that at any moment Ripley could go into seizures and that it would be painful and violent. That really scared me. I couldn't bear to have her hurt ... ever. Thank you for pointing out the better side of euthanizing your pet. It's a gift that we humans can give to our pets but cannot give to our human loved ones. I am so sorry for both of you losing your precious pets. I know all too well about how quiet the house gets and it's amazing how much a little one can fill such a huge space. Thank you.
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DanHenao
Pamela,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of Ripley. I can relate because i lost my beloved cat Rupert 3 days ago. I can't believe it's been 3 days ago already. 

I said before a few days ago that  Cat, dog, snake, lizard, or any kind of pet is the same kind of loss and the same kind of pain. Nothing could replace Ripley or Rupert.

Ripley was a beautiful dog. 


Danny

My friend, my brother, Rupert, pre 2001-January 25, 2016 
I love you and I miss you. 


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Burl_B
Prayers.   I have been crying everyday some since my Katy Lou passed on.  She was Chihuahua that I had for 15yrs.  Just know that you are not alone in your grieving.
Katy Lou, you will forever be in my heart.  Until we meet again.  Daddy loves and misses you so much.  You are daddys daughter.
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Burl_B
Burl_B wrote:
Prayers.   I have been crying everyday some since my Katy Lou passed on.  That was 49 days ago.  She was Chihuahua that I had for 15yrs.  Just know that you are not alone in your grieving.
Katy Lou, you will forever be in my heart.  Until we meet again.  Daddy loves and misses you so much.  You are daddys daughter.
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Ripley14
Thanks to every one of you that have written such kind words. I have a very tight lump in my throat as I read the messages over and over. Please take care of yourselves.

Pam
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