msashua
I am very happy that my friend recommended this site to me. I had to make the decision to put my sweet girl, Ashua to sleep on Saturday morning and I just can't stop crying. My eyes just start to leak on their own.

She was 17 years, a beautiful Tabby who was so sweet natured and loving that I just can't describe it. She would sleep with her butt in my ear and her tail draped over my neck or she slept just above my head. I would wake up and she'd be there. I would point to my cheek and say give mommy kissie and she would lick me and wash my face with her rough cat tongue...I didn't care, I loved it and her. We would do cat eyes at each other....One of the ways cats show their love is by squinting their eyes at you. Well, she would squint and I would squint back and on we would go, back and forth with eye squints. Oh I truly love that cat!

She was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease almost 2 years ago and we thought we were going to lose her but the vet provided some treatment and she made it for a year and 1/2 since the last treatment. Over the last couple of weeks, I started noticing some changes in her eating habits, energy and social habits and by Friday, 3/13, things were not good. We (my husband and I) took her to the vet on Saturday morning. The vet said that she was in a bad way and she wouldn't argue if we made that final decision. She also said that any treatment done to the cat would be for us, not for the cat. So we made the decision.

We have another lady at home, Maxi who seems more attached to me than ever since Ashua has not come home. I am very fortunate to have her. She is a great comfort and I love her dearly too. She is a Torti and loaded with personality, but I can't deny that the void is still there. Even though cats are not particularly loud pets, the house seems so quiet. I am concerned about Maxi too. Today is her first time ever being in the house alone without Ashua and today, my husband and I are at work so she is alone.

I don't regret the decision I made. I just miss my cat. ALOT. I feel so sad and quiet and I can't seem to stop these tears from dripping. I am so tired. Just want to stay in the bed. My friends and famly have been kind and I know they know I feel bad. But I admit that I have been trying to act normal. (not doing too well at it). After all, to many people, it's just a cat....
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Callie_Girl
First I want to say how very sorry I am for your loss.  

This is my first post, and I had to register and respond because I understand how you feel as our situations are similar.  

I lost my beloved Callie last Thursday, March 12th.  She was 17 years old, definitely had some tabby in her that diluted down her calico colors. She very much loved to lay draped across my throat, usually trying to present her butt to my face.  We also did squinty eyes to each other which would usually start her "purr-box" going.    

I had to make the heart-wrenching decision to put her to sleep as she rapidly deteriorated in less than 5 days from her kidney disease. I decided not to put her through an uncertain, prolonged treatment.  She was a petite girl who weighed just over 5 pounds.   

I understand how you feel.  I am so very tired, unable to sleep well, no appetite, and I feel more grief than I have ever felt in my life.  Nothing matters but the fact that my sweet girl isn't there when I open my eyes each day.  I don't know how I will ever feel different. The hardest moments for me are the 'reality checks'.  She was my only fur baby, and I will hear familiar noises in the house, think they are her (I guess this is common) and then realize she isn't; she is gone.  Or I will drop something on the floor and instantly pick it up so she can't get into it; then the stabbing, breath-stealing realization that she won't because she is gone hits again.   

I can't begin to understand how to live my life again.  
Callie
8/3/97-3/12/15
Forever in my heart, sweet girl.
 
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msashua
Callie Girl,

Your baby Callie sounds so much like my Ashua with the butt, tail and eye squinting..I used to say, Ashie, you giving mommy those cat eyes and laugh when I did it and then she did it. I was very fortunate to get the extra time with her after her diagnosis and am sooo thankful for it.

I guess there is is nothing for us to do but go through how we feel until we feel better. This is 3rd sweetie I have lost since I started having kitties as a young adult and also went through the loss of my my childhood dog as a young adult. It is never easy, but I know this. I wouldn't trade in the love given and received between me and my furry friends for anything in the world.

Take care Callie Girl. Know that you are not alone!

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BSmith1199
So sorry for your loss.  My Dax was put to sleep last Monday.  She was also a victim of chronic kidney failure.  We did not catch it until she was late in Stage III, but we managed to extend her quality of life for 13 months.

They are such wonderful companions.  Sounds like Ashua and Callie were both well loved.  The first few days, after Dax was gone, were hard.  Today it has been a week since we lost her, and I can manage to smile a bit when I remember her antics, but then fall right back into pain from missing her.

Here's hoping all of us soon are able to recall our loved ones with smiles and fondness.  Bless you both.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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pris_dad
I also lost my 17 year old cat this past Saturday. I received her remains back yesterday which was also my 42nd birthday. I am completely heartbroken, even more so for her brother her misses her terribly.
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msashua
Hi All,

I don't know when this gray, quietness is going to subside. I have kind of stopped crying or better yet, I cry less, but I just feel so sad. I am starting to be concerned about my other lady Maxi. She has become sooo attached to me, and seems much more vocal. I wish I could really speak cat so I could get what she is telling me. I catch her looking around and I think she is looking for her sister. I find myself looking at pictures of my Ashua, just wishing she would jump up on the bed and give me cat kissies and cat eyes....

Pris dad, you have my sympathy, as does BSmith1199 and eveyone on this site. I read people's stories and my heart is just so full.
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MuchasMom
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Ashua, and for all the pain you are feeling. I had to put my cat Mucha to sleep last December, after he was paralyzed from a ruptured disc. He was 10 1/2 years old, and my best friend - after over 3 months now I still miss him every day, but it has gotten much better from the state I was in when I first lost him. We still have Mucha's brother here, Barsten - they were best friends too and never apart. Barsten also mourned his brother, for a good 2 months he seemed sad, more attached to my husband and I than usual. For a little while his appetite was low and he was sleeping more than usual also, and sometimes he would pace the apartment looking for his brother, it absolutely broke my heart. He would get extra agitated when he picked up Mucha's scent, so I threw out all their old beds, washed the blanket on the couch and vacuumed really well - it hurt to do it but I needed to help Barsten. We gave him lots of love and affection and play time, tried to keep his routine as normal as we could, and now he is doing much better and is much more his old silly self. I guess I was surprised at how long he grieved, but I have never been through this before and I have learned a lot. Just keep being there for your girl Maxi, with lots of love, and you will support each other through this. Best wishes to you for peace and healing.
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pris_dad
msashua wrote:
Hi All,

I don't know when this gray, quietness is going to subside. I have kind of stopped crying or better yet, I cry less, but I just feel so sad. I am starting to be concerned about my other lady Maxi. She has become sooo attached to me, and seems much more vocal. I wish I could really speak cat so I could get what she is telling me. I catch her looking around and I think she is looking for her sister. I find myself looking at pictures of my Ashua, just wishing she would jump up on the bed and give me cat kissies and cat eyes....

Pris dad, you have my sympathy, as does BSmith1199 and eveyone on this site. I read people's stories and my heart is just so full.


Pris's brother Brak is behaving in the same manner. He follows me all over the house now, meowing the entire time. He only seems to relax once we get in bed. I also notice him stopping and looking at spots where his sister used to hang out. I worry about him all day while I'm at work.
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