Its been 28 hours since the vet phoned to say Marley mt 6 month kitten had been brought in after a road accident. She told me unfortunately he had passed on, those words just didnt seem real. Why was he down at road, he hardlly goes out. Why didnt i call him in earlier. God im so mad at myself, in fact i now feel mad at everyone. I dont think i can cry anymore, my head is pounding and the pain in my chest is killing me. All i keep telling myself is why, why didnt i go look, why didnt he stay in. Why didnt the car stop. Its all what ifs its killing me. I asked if i could see him but was told probably best not too as his head injuries were so bad and that is killing me too thinking of what happened to him. I went to the site and there was loads of blood which nearly made me sick but i had to see for myself, i dont know why. The pain is just unbearable its like my heart is being ripped apart. He was only a baby, why did i ever let him out. I feel so so bad but he loved it outside. I will never forget my little sleek, slender Marleyboo. He didnt get a chance at life but in that little bit he did have he was so so loved and he brought such joy to me.
I am where you are and I feel the same guilt and the same pain and the same injustice...they were just babies and it happened so suddenly.
I also have a lot of whys and what ifs...
I am so sorry you're going through this pain, too. I know what you're going through. I am right there with you. I didn't think my body and mind could feel so much pain. I am so sorry.