He was absolutely fine a month ago.  Catching the frisbee, riding in the car with his head out the window (if the weather was cool enough).  Smiling, always.

Then, late last week, I discoverer a hard lump behind his right front armpit.  His appetite had always been good and that certainly hadn't changed.  But I made an appt for him to see his vet Monday at 4pm.  She saw the lump, we noticed it was sort of reddish.  She then shaved  his belly and chest - all bruised (edema).  He had never had any trauma.  She urged us to go to the ER right away.  We did.  And they kept him over night.  So that was Monday.  Then yesterday, I went to visit him over lunch time and hear what they had found.  Basically, the abdominal ultrasound indicated lots of lesions on many organs.  It was most likely histriocytic sarcoma - a nasty, VERY aggressive cancer for which there is no cure and little hope with chemo.  So it was a death sentence but we thought we would have at least a few weeks.  He came home with us that afternoon and seemed really happy - his old self.  Ate, got treats and lots of lovin'.  I gave him some meds to help him sleep.  But I woke up at 5am, he was downstairs (he had always slept on the floor beside the bed).  He was awake and would/could not stand up.  So I sat with him and petted and talked to him.  Brought him some water - he drank that (I though "good sign") but then he threw up all the food from last night.

Vet got here around 10:30.  His breathing was labored and the vet confirmed he was bleeding internally (white gums).  So, just like that, a needle, a few more breaths, and he was gone.  He *is* gone and I am a wreak.  I was hoping that writing this out would help but now I'm crying again.  He was only 8 years old.  My other rescue (Sessa) is 15 and SHE was supposed to go first, right?  He's the one with all the energy.

Dammit all to hell.  I am so upset...
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You have every right to be upset. I am so sorry for your loss.

Your posting brought back my last visit to our vet. Our little dog also had the white gums, the internal bleeding ( vet discovered a bleeding ulcer on autopsy) which she believes was secondary to stomach cancer. Oh how I hate that disease!

Your loss is so fresh and I am sure emotions are quite raw. This grief journey that you have just begun is tough and if you are like the rest of us a real roller coaster. Please know that you are not alone. Those of us here in the forum understand all too well how you are feeling and as someone who has survived almost 15 weeks now can tell you that it won't always be this agonizing.

Take the time you need to mourn your loss, there is no timetable for this. We all handle it in our own way but please return here when you need to talk. Writing the story of our pets' lives has helped many of us and perhaps when you are able you can share your dog's life with us.

Know that you gave him the last gift that you could and that he left this world knowing he was much loved.
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I am so sorry for your loss. The shock of having to accept the diagnosis and make a decision so quickly will be overpowering. You had no time to adjust to the thought of losing him. Draw comfort from the fact you helped him with the greatest kindness you could give, not letting him suffer. He had the memory of a lovely afternoon with you giving him treats and lots of love.
Love you forever and ever and I will be there for you xx
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I am so sorry for your loss. I'm crying reading this, it's what happened to my dachshund in February. Scooter was healthy, the next morning he won't eat, he drank but could hardly walk. We took him to the vet, said he was bleeding internally and nothing could be done. His spleen ruptured due to a tumor. So believe me, I know the shock and disbelief you are going through. I was so angry that I didn't know sooner, but was told nothing could have saved him. My heart goes out to you. You did everything you could for him. Please know we all understand here.

Take care,
Jonancy...Scooters Mama

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all in wonder at rainbow bridge.jpg 
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